Players: How to Deal with Them

Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Yes, I'm going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren't. Even if they are, most guys won't care.

I only have one problem with players, and that is, that they won't admit that they are seeing other women. Yes, I know that's the basic definition of a player. If they would just tell the women that they were not exclusive, sure they would lose a few along the way, but for the most part, the women would stay, thinking, as women always do, they'd be the one to change him. Yeah, right.

Here are the rules for dealing with players:

1. Assume any guy that asks you out is a player. A little harsh, I know, but at this point, we need to assume guilt until proven innocent. You don't have the facts yet, so start from this viewpoint.

2. Find out for sure. Most players follow the same M.O. ? they don't return calls, they don't call when they say they will, they have sudden change of plans, they have to cancel suddenly, they have weird excuses, they're not where they said they would be, they don't sleep over, they take a shower before they go back home. If you start to suspect someone might be playing, they probably are. One way to find out is to say, in your sweetest voice: "I can't believe you're seeing just me. You're so handsome and charming, I wouldn't be surprised if you're seeing several women. It's alright if you are." In many cases, his defenses will come down and he'll admit it.

3. Once you know for sure that he's a player, you need to decide if you want to play. Don't date him hoping that he'll change, because he most likely won't. If you're not looking for a serious relationship and have time to hang around and play, then go ahead. If, however, you're looking for the love of your life, don't waste your time, no matter how charming he is.

4. Don't take them seriously. If you've decided you have time to spare and are going to "play" for a while, think of the player as you would a child. If a child throws a tantrum, or says something hurtful, you deal with it calmly. Don't bother getting angry with a player. It's just a waste of energy and makes them feel more important.

If you want to play a player, it's actually very easy. After dating many players myself, I realized that the character trait that makes one a player is also that which makes one vulnerable to being played. What is it you ask? Insecurity. A player doesn't tell his women that he's seeing others, because he's afraid they'll leave. His biggest fear is losing you. How do you work this to your advantage? By making him think it's a real possibility. Behave towards him as he does towards you. Players hate it when you don't return calls, aren't home when they call, mention other guys, etc.

I speak from experience. I caused one guy to sob hysterically when I told him I was seeing someone else; Another player climbed a tree outside my apartment to try to find out why I'd stopped returning his calls; And I reduced another one to a frustrated mess, forcing him to seek advice from his famous rap star friend on how to win me over.

So there you have it, a guide to playing with players. Have fun!

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net

To view a clip from the tv show, go to: Players

---

5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him

Telling your man that you love him is part of... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive

I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy... Read More

Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy.... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

Forgiveness

"The important thing to remember when it comes to forgiving... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out... Read More

How to Use Humor to Improve Your Relationships

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More

Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech

Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of... Read More

True Love - Part 1

True Love! We all dream of being in love with... Read More

The Key to Ending Pain With Others

It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how... Read More

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

Rekindling An Old Flame

Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University,... Read More

Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship!

It is possible for women to steer clear of an... Read More

Pen Pal Romance

We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen... Read More

Happily Single v Happily Married

Have you noticed how so many people spend their lives... Read More

Single in a Couples World

Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

How to Find Relationship Advice

One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you... Read More

How to Communicate Constructively

Destructive communication erodes self-esteem and harms relationships. Such communication patterns... Read More

Soul Mate Myths

But the cold truth is that most people have never... Read More

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Start That Conversation

Annie waited too long to have that talk with her... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

A Womans World

Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is... Read More

Stop, Look, & Listen: The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner

IntroductionDo you feel misunderstood by your partner? Seem to keep... Read More

Soul Mates - Do They Really Exist?

Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More

Can You Become A Better Friend After Taking A Friendship Quiz?

Q. Does a friendship quiz really work?A. That depends upon... Read More

An Introduction to Relationships

"Love makes the world go around" was true when it... Read More

Women Are Not Aliens

One of the very worst mistakes a man can make... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More