There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but I believe it is true, "People that play together, stay together." A couple (by marriage or some other agreement) can increase their chance of remaining a positive statistic, by creating a habit of engaging in fun activities together. These can be planned or spontaneous. When you have fun together, it creates positive memories, which act as seeds for a long, playful relationship.
Carol operates a Bed & Breakfast and Country Vacation business. Through this, we have the opportunity to meet and learn about people from far and wide.
Last summer John and Audrey arranged to stay with us, away from their Edmonton, Alberta home. They were both in their seventies, and had fond memories of time spent on farms when they were children. They thought it was time to revisit a farm and create some new fun memories.
They arrived in mid afternoon, well ahead of when we expected them. I was repairing a fence, some distance from the yard and they did not see me as I approached. I stopped to watch "the game."
Audrey jumped out of the car and headed straight for the house. John went the other direction to a large teepee we have in our yard.
"Audrey, Audrey, come here. Look at this." John was pointing into the teepee.
"We better check-in first, John."
"No, come over here. It will just take a moment."
"OK. Look at what?" She said begrudgingly as she peered into the teepee.
"Go in and I'll show you."
Audrey crouched and stepped over a strap of canvas along the ground. John reached over and pinched her butt.
"Oh John!" she said with a giggle as she stood up quickly inside. John jumped through the doorway and chased Audrey around the inside of the teepee, both of them laughing and giggling as if they were young children.
John and Audrey had been together for over 50 years and I expect they will be together for many more years. While they were with us, they played horseshoes, bocci, and ping-pong together. We shared stories, joked, and laughed. They slept in the teepee to experience something new. They had perma-grins. It was a very good thing!
I remember when we were first married, we knew that play was important too. I played hockey two or three nights a week, and Carol played volleyball and racquetball two or three nights a week. It was good exercise and sociability for both of us, but not with each other. And the result was resentment, defensiveness, and discontent in our relationship. It was not a good thing!
Ten Tips to play together and stay together:
1. Plan a ten-minute meeting. You may need to mark it in your planner. I'm serious here. Unless you schedule it, you may not do it.
2. Find a comfortable place to discuss fun things, away from the phone, friends, or kids.
3. Brainstorm all of the fun things that you would like to do together. Yes, that says "together," not me today and you tomorrow. If you list forty ways and places to have sex ? that is fun, but it is just one thing.
4. Prioritize three things that you will do in the next week. These don't need to be majestic events, although they can be. It could be a romantic dinner, spa day, movie night, card game, or a walk in nature holding hands. Use your imagination and make them as wild and crazy, or as tame and relaxing as you wish.
5. Schedule these fun activities (dates and times) in your planner if necessary. These are agreements that you both commit to uphold.
6. Schedule another meeting next week to explore and plan the next week's fun activities.
7. Keep your agreements, regardless of the other "stuff" in life. A failure to follow-through on these agreements sends a powerful underlying message to your mate about the importance of your relationship.
8. If an unforeseen, uncontrollable "something" occurs that would hold you from your commitment, renegotiate another time to which you both agree. Do not cancel the activity.
9. Continue this process for four weeks. You are creating a new habit.
10. Celebrate your accomplishment in a fun way. The celebration keeps you motivated. Choose one of the fun things you like to do together, but with the intention that it is a reward for your commitment to your relationship.
Yeah, I know. Some of you are thinking, "This is too structured." "It will take away from the fun." "It won't leave room for spontaneity."
The point is this. Likely, you are not doing the fun things together now. Or if you are, you are not consciously recognizing them as such. Am I correct?
Consciously commit to these Ten Tips and I guarantee that you will experience more fun and love in your relationship. Spontaneous fun will occur more often. You will approach each day with an uplifted attitude.
There is always room for more happiness in my life. How about you?
Dan Ohler is Thinkin' Outside The Barn!
Dan writes and speaks internationally on happiness, relationships, and change. He helps you learn the secrets to create life-long delightful relationships and abounding success.
For FREE how-you-can-do-it-too articles, visit http://www.ThinkinOutsideTheBarn.com
Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest... Read More
The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More
Q. I got married for the first time when I... Read More
Many women mistakenly believe they need to hire a private... Read More
* Be in a good mood when writing a love... Read More
Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You... Read More
The problem with choosing a dating service is choice --... Read More
Just about every night at our house, we read a... Read More
"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told... Read More
I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More
It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our... Read More
Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires... Read More
As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More
Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More
We hear it all the time. "He just won't make... Read More
Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or... Read More
There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More
This quiz is based on key areas of communication and... Read More
Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial... Read More
Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More
In the 17th century, divination devices called The Tablets of... Read More
An All Too Familiar TaleShe takes her teaching responsibilities seriously;... Read More
1. The Perfect Phase is the first three months. If... Read More
It's been a few months since the riveting headlines: The... Read More
Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on... Read More
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More
"And they lived happily ever after.........."Yeah right.Perhaps I'm a little... Read More
What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More
If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More
Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More
How do you react when you are faced with spending... Read More
While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More
>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The... Read More
One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More
The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More
It is hard to express all the emotions to somebody... Read More
Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More
Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of... Read More
Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.Establish time... Read More
For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More
Relationships. They're complicated, right? At least that's what we've been... Read More
No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor... Read More
If you have looked high and low, left and right... Read More
Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one... Read More
It is no secret that African culture is known for... Read More
Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More
SHHHHHH, don't tell anybody, but, I know the secret.It all... Read More
In the recovery phase of my husbands last affair I... Read More
1. Be predictable.When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28,... Read More
If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find... Read More
The first step toward being able to attract and create... Read More
Being a good friend is a skill we can learn... Read More
Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More
There are some men who will never understand the importance... Read More
Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even... Read More
You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite... Read More
Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More
Sometime in the 1950's, women's magazines started publishing relationship quizzes... Read More
"Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming,... Read More
The question I am asked most often is: I think... Read More
Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More
Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to... Read More
Where on earth is my "play on words" taking me... Read More
Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More
The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More
Relationship |