Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It

Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. Weve heard a variety of exit lines: I think its time we started seeing other people, I love you, but Im not in love with you, or Its not you. Its me.

Its hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages, but its even worse when they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesnt help when they send an email every so often to see how youre doing, either.

Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win him over! You will make her see! You will!

You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such terror of loving and be loved?

And so it goes. You become caught up in believing that someone who doesnt love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities for meeting a person who will truly make you happy.

You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but thats easier said than done, right? Heres what worked for me:

Tell the person to bug off. Just as you must cease contact with the object of your affection, he or she must cease contact with you. Tell this person youre not ready to be friends and you dont know if you ever will. Any patronizing emails they send inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.

Write down all the things that bothered you. After being dumped, its natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip, or how mascara used to crumble in her eye sockets. We forget about the stack of Victorias Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or her fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so write down a list of the object of your affections worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youre at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.

Throw out all reminders. It doesnt even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you shared thats still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.

Turn off the radio. Youre minding your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the radio that reminds you of the object of your obsession. Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and delusional.

Picture the person in a repellent fashion. It didnt matter that the object of my affection didnt even own a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to turn myself off to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you off. Imagine the object of your obsession doing them.

Make the commitment. The reason we obsess about people who hurt us is because its comfortable. Heck, sometimes its even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. Its indifference. When youre indifferent to the person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine happiness.

About The Author

(c) Terry Hernon MacDonald

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the host of Romance Talk with Terry on Internet radio, which can be accessed any time by going to the archives at http://www.HealthyLife.net. Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com.

terry@marrysmart.com

---

He Still Hasnt Popped the Question - Should You Give Him an Ultimatum?

You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet... Read More

Relationship Habits

How many of you have ever been involved with a... Read More

Relationship Tips 101

In this article I'd like to share what the research... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

Are all Men Unfaithful?

"Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming,... Read More

Are You My Soul Mate?

I'm always dumbfounded when someone walks up to me and... Read More

The Grammar of Good Communication

No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Men Love Women Who Initiate Sex ? 4 Fun Ways to Do It

This is a sizzling hot topic for a lot of... Read More

Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On

So often in the bloom of a new romance we... Read More

Great Relationships: 7 Secrets You Must Know to Make It

1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to... Read More

Approval - You Dont Need It

Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided... Read More

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

The Battle of the Sexes!

During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I... Read More

How to Choose Your Life Partner?

You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More

How A Phony Persona Always Hurts You

'Be yourself', isn't that what you've always heard? It certainly... Read More

One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart

I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5... Read More

You are Killing US with YOUR Jealousy

Hey all, I feel that need to reach out and... Read More

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style

We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling... Read More

What Type of a Kisser Are You?

As we all know, there are many types of kiss.... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

He Said, She Said

The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More

The Best Break Up Advice

Extreme Breakup Recovery Maximum Healing ? Minimum TimeIf you are... Read More

The 100 Laws

In any group of abused women there's almost always at... Read More

Finding a Life Partner

Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my... Read More

Cheating Wives and Cheating Husbands Give Different Reasons for Having Extramarital Affairs

Infidelity studies indicate that the percentage of cheating wives is... Read More

10 Things Never to Say to A Guy

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him... Read More

Dumped? Get Set for a New Life

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you!You've been dumped for a... Read More

Before Falling Truly and Madly in Love Ask Each Other 10 Pertinent Questions

Falling in love?aaahh what a wonderful experience the first flushes... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

Making New Friends

How do we make friends? More importantly if dropped into... Read More

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14,... Read More