Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It

Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. Weve heard a variety of exit lines: I think its time we started seeing other people, I love you, but Im not in love with you, or Its not you. Its me.

Its hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages, but its even worse when they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesnt help when they send an email every so often to see how youre doing, either.

Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win him over! You will make her see! You will!

You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such terror of loving and be loved?

And so it goes. You become caught up in believing that someone who doesnt love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities for meeting a person who will truly make you happy.

You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but thats easier said than done, right? Heres what worked for me:

Tell the person to bug off. Just as you must cease contact with the object of your affection, he or she must cease contact with you. Tell this person youre not ready to be friends and you dont know if you ever will. Any patronizing emails they send inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.

Write down all the things that bothered you. After being dumped, its natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip, or how mascara used to crumble in her eye sockets. We forget about the stack of Victorias Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or her fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so write down a list of the object of your affections worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youre at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.

Throw out all reminders. It doesnt even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you shared thats still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.

Turn off the radio. Youre minding your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the radio that reminds you of the object of your obsession. Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and delusional.

Picture the person in a repellent fashion. It didnt matter that the object of my affection didnt even own a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to turn myself off to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you off. Imagine the object of your obsession doing them.

Make the commitment. The reason we obsess about people who hurt us is because its comfortable. Heck, sometimes its even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. Its indifference. When youre indifferent to the person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine happiness.

About The Author

(c) Terry Hernon MacDonald

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the host of Romance Talk with Terry on Internet radio, which can be accessed any time by going to the archives at http://www.HealthyLife.net. Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com.

terry@marrysmart.com

---

Are You Living An Illusion Romance Like Lisa Snowdon and George Clooney?

My Dear Lover,Today I am sad, I don't have good... Read More

Women Are Not Aliens

One of the very worst mistakes a man can make... Read More

Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous... Read More

Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE

Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true... Read More

Did He Think of Me?

As a betrayed partner this was one of the first... Read More

Emotional Investments

It is a given truth that there are people out... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 1 The Nothing Syndrome

We've all heard the stories. The princess finds her prince... Read More

How to Spot a Cheater

Is your man the cheating type? Here are some clues... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

A Look at Interracial Relationships

There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More

Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair

Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More

Relationship Tips 101

In this article I'd like to share what the research... Read More

Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect... Read More

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? - How to fine tune your relationship radar

I don't think a week goes by that I don't... Read More

Things Every Couple Should Know

In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More

Relationship Advice: Starter Marriages

A man walking through the woods near a river hears... Read More

Gay and Lesbian Relationships

America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of... Read More

Are You Codependent or Independent?

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our... Read More

How To Open Up While Staying Safe

When you've had your heart broken in a relationship, it... Read More

Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples

The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More

The Power of Authenticity

How "powerful" are you?Do you ever cover up how you... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

Before Falling Truly and Madly in Love Ask Each Other 10 Pertinent Questions

Falling in love?aaahh what a wonderful experience the first flushes... Read More

Telling the Hard Truth

Watching television's "sitcom's", I can't help but notice that most... Read More

How to Start a Conversation With a Woman

Last week I had the easiest pick up and seduction... Read More

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers... Read More

American Women Really Don?t Like You

Any man who has dated Asian ladies who live in... Read More

Fear of a Broken Heart

Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Love Relationships: Focusing on What went Right

What's all the Hype about Love Relationships, Anyway?Love relationships are... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

We may not be aware of it; but the words... Read More