Did He Think of Me?

As a betrayed partner this was one of the first questions that I asked my husband when I found out about his affairs. Each affair elicited the same response from me. "Did you think about me?"

I wanted to know it all! Did he think of me before he decided to sleep with her, did he think of me while he was sleeping with her.

When a betrayed partner asks this question it is because she does not comprehend where she fits in the affair. She doesn't understand that the affair is not about her.

To the betrayed spouse, the affair is all about them. They do not understand that the affair is not their fault and they are not the central person in the affair.

This is a difficult concept for the betrayed partner to grasp. It causes intense pain that they could so easily be forgotten. To the betrayed partner, they feel as if they have been tossed aside and they are seeking validation that they are important.

If you are a betrayed spouse please try to understand that the affair isn't about you. It is about your spouse and what is lacking in your spouse. While you should own your part in the problems of the relationship, know that you have no responsibility to own the affair.

If you are the unfaithful spouse, you need to approach this question from your spouse with caution. Answer truthfully. Do not hold back, thinking that you are sparing your spouse from some pain. It is likely that your spouse already knows that you did not think of them while you were engaged in the affair. You need to validate that your spouse is important to you, that the marriage is important to you, and that you are willing to do what ever it takes to help them see that. Above all, be honest. You will do your spouse no favors by continuing any deceit.

Brandi Simon is the owner of InjuredHearts.com where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair. Brandi is a successful relationship coach, offering guidance to those who wish to move forward in their relationships. Brandi specializes in Infidelity Coaching. Brandi is an affair survivor and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about Brandi, the coaching services, or infidelity in general, please visit http://www.injuredhearts.com

---

He?s So Loving (But He Has These Black Moods)

It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

The Relativity of Your Life

We live in the world of the relative. What and... Read More

I Love You!

The famous three words we never hear enough of in... Read More

Stand By Your Man: No Matter What?

We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after... Read More

Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets?

Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?'what women... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More

True Love - Part 1

True Love! We all dream of being in love with... Read More

He Said, She Heard: Communication Meltdown within Relationship

It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

It's one of the ways you can spot a woman... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Men Love Women Who Initiate Sex ? 4 Fun Ways to Do It

This is a sizzling hot topic for a lot of... Read More

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold

Everything was great.We had been dating for 6 months. We... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

Build your Social Support Network

A social support network is a group of people who... Read More

Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Desirous Attachment , the Trap and the Solution

I've seen a lot in my life. A lot of... Read More

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

1. Be predictable.When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one... Read More

Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating

The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More

Only You Can Decide If Your Interracial Love Will Stand the Test of Time

Interracial dating has really evolved over the past two decades... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

The Logic Of Females - Or Lack There Of

Many males complain that they don't understand females. Many females... Read More

Swinging! Will My Spouse Be Interested?

How does one talk his/her spouse into living the Swinging... Read More

Fear of a Broken Heart

Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and... Read More

Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing

Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis... Read More

Relationship Advice: The Me Approach or the We Approach

A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More

How to Increase Romance with Humor

Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants... Read More

Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution?

As the story goes, there was once a farmer and... Read More