Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner Bashing

Bashing the one you are supposed to love seems to have become a national pastime. You know the saying: "Can't live with `em, can't shoot `em."

It's really amazing - one person in a group can start in, and then everyone else wants to top their story or complaint. The reality is that partner bashing reflects poorly on you, because after all, you chose this person.

Relationship Tip: Rebel against the culture and praise your spouse in public. When someone tries to pull you into the game, go the opposite way. You will shock a few people, and if it gets back to your partner, it's great foreplay.

Relationship Mistake No. 2 - Be a Darren Stevens

It's hard to believe, I know, but many people fall into the trap of holding their partner back from using their greatest gifts.

In the old TV sitcom "Bewitched," Darren Stevens would try to keep Samantha from using her abilities. I remember thinking as a kid that this guy was an idiot. All that his wife had to do was wiggle her nose and he could have anything he wanted, and he wanted to stop her.

Sounds crazy, but we do it all the time in relationships.

Relationship Tip: Celebrate and encourage the strengths of your partner. If you take the time to notice, the strengths of your partner usually have two very strong advantages: The strengths of your partner complement your strengths, and the strengths of your partner compensate for some of your weaknesses. When you combine the two sets of strengths, you are stronger together than you are alone.

Relationship Mistake No. 3 - Argue to Win

Arguing to win means you see the other person as an opponent. And once you begin to see your partner as an opponent or an enemy, lots of bad things begin to happen. I recently worked with a couple who would go to any length to win an argument even over little meaningless things, like there was a tally board somewhere keeping score. And they wonder why the relationship is falling apart.

Relationship Tip: When you argue to win, you may get to win, but you win at the expense of the relationship. Instead of arguing against each other, team up to solve the problems that come your way. In my experience, when a couple teams up against a problem, that problem is in big trouble.

Relationship Mistake No. 4 - Getting Complacent

Taking the relationship and the other person for granted is so easy to do. Sometimes we treat our most important love relationship like an item on a to-do list - "OK, got that done, cross it off."

Do you know anyone who would enjoy being an item on a to-do list?

Relationship Tip: Here's a great story about not taking someone for granted. A high school senior was taking his girlfriend of three years to the senior prom.

Since they had been dating for three years, you would think it would be a given that they were going to the prom together. Not this guy. He arranged the following with her parents: One night when she came in the front door, there was a trail of Hershey kisses leading back to the bathroom. In the bathroom, there were rose petals spread all over the shower, and then another trail of Hershey kisses leading to her bedroom.

On her dresser was this note: "Now that I have kissed the ground you walk on and showered you with roses, will you go to the prom with me?"

Think she said yes?

You may not have to use candy and flowers, but take the creativity and passion here and see what you can come up with for your relationship.

My challenge to you is to use these relationship tips to avoid four of the biggest relationship mistakes.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Relationship Advice: 5 Tips to Make a Strong Marriage Even Better

1. Time together is time during which the complete focus... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

Affairs: What an Affair Really Is and What an Affair Really Does

We hear about it all the time - in magazines,... Read More

Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through

Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say... Read More

Playing the Part

A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time.... Read More

Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life

What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There... Read More

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What... Read More

Should I Leave This Relationship?

How do you know when it's time to say goodbye... Read More

Is Love Ever In Vain?

All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More

Relationship Conflict: The 3 Cs of Resolving Conflict

"And they lived happily ever after.........."Yeah right.Perhaps I'm a little... Read More

Sometimes You Got to Spy ? Dealing with Online Infidelity

Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes... Read More

Communicate What You Feel: How to be Understood By Those You Love

Good communication is of fundamental importance in intimate relationships. The... Read More

Importance Of Background In A Relationship

Should coming from the same background be a major issue... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

Put-Downs: The Whole Story

What put-downs really areLet me begin by saying what they... Read More

What Till Death Do Us Part REALLY Means - Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Tips for a Blissful Relationship

1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out... Read More

Being A Friend Through A Divorce

We used to joke amongst the couples we are close... Read More

Get Lucky In Your Love Life

Whether you are single or married, we all need luck... Read More

Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys

Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the... Read More

Picking Up The Pieces

"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told... Read More

Boston Lawyers, DC Lawyers and Individual Rights

Looks like everyone wants to sue someone right? Well, I... Read More

How Not to Compromise With Your Partner

Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend... Read More

[Conflict Resolution] The Philosophy of Fear and Confrontation

Is there now, or has there been, a person or... Read More

Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships

The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a... Read More

Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More

The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking & Loving Y.O.U.

"Know Thyself" PlatoIsn't it curious how just about everything in... Read More

Choosing a Diamond Engangement Ring That She Can?t Say No To!

So you've decided to propose ? congratulations! This is a... Read More

How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships

"You know, I really do love fish!" My friend... Read More

Catch a Cheating Lover?

Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at... Read More

Happily Ever After/Real Love

I was 43 years old and still looking for love.... Read More