To tell you the truth, I'm a little disillusioned with the term unconditional love, lately. It's just not "natural". The phrase has been used for decades, by psychologists, therapists, A.A. types and the overall spiritually minded to describe how one should cope with impossible behavior." The original principle behind the concept, was to help the person who is being abused accept the circumstances and not have to live in a perpetual state of resentment towards their partner. You, as the codependent (ie the one who is always hurt) is supposed to see your partner as "sick" and not blame him or her for their actions. You're supposed to love and care for the adulterer, batterer, gambler, manic depressive or alcoholic the same way you would someone who has the flu. Husband comes home drunk? Sober him up with cups of black coffee and a dose of your eternally burning, unconditional love. Boyfriend unfaithful? That's O.k., because you have unconditional love for him that will last for an eternity. Girlfriends rack up your credit cards again with her compulsive shopping? You'll take care of the bills because you're love for her is undying and unconditional and you've told yourself ""I'll always love her no matter what ...."
Those of us who have been there know that we can only comfort ourselves with the concept of unconditional love for so long until the relationship becomes too expensive, emotionally, socially and financially. This is often more serious then the kind of consequences we pay when someone is sick with "the flu." Plus lately, after talking to many clients, many of whom are still paying in one way or another for the irresponsible behavior of a full grown adult, I am starting to conclude that when the person with the "ism" or "recently diagnosed personality disorder" is on to us then out comes the term unconditional love. If we say no or object to the behavior, he or she can always turn around and go "but I thought you said your love was me was unconditional!!!" This puts us on the defense because it implies that we are the ones who are unloving and unlovable. I think the appropriate response is "well then why don't you go out and find someone who will agree to co-sign your B.S.!!'" If they're A.A. trained they'll probably snap back with "that's what you get for having expectations or preferences of me...you know I'm sick!"
I think love is conditional. One of those conditions is "trust." If you have unconditional love for someone, it is implicit you don't trust them, especially if you've condemned yourself to a lifetime of loving him or her "no matter what." Love is a natural thing, like a flower, that one should expect to bloom and its o.k. to be disappointed if it doesn't. The nature of love is to grow, compound and multiply and not destroy. The next time you fall in love, put terms and conditions on it and demand a 200% return on your investment. It's your precious energy!
Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click here http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=1 10 You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com
If you don't have the time, money or energy to... Read More
This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More
Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More
Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More
False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More
Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More
This is a common concern in our society for single... Read More
As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part... Read More
Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves,... Read More
Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More
As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More
You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet... Read More
Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is... Read More
What does real love look like? The way we act... Read More
So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More
Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?'what women... Read More
Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what... Read More
Are Office Romance's really that bad? The answer is ?..it... Read More
Think back to when you were a child. Pick a... Read More
Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest... Read More
Now you may ask why we would write an article... Read More
Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose... Read More
My Dear Lover,Communication is one of the key ingredients for... Read More
Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic... Read More
How many time have you felt an instant attraction to... Read More
Star Women are visionary leaders, and focused on the future.... Read More
The first thing you want to consider when buying a... Read More
There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More
Many have problems with communication and using that "love" word.... Read More
Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a... Read More
The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown... Read More
Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis... Read More
On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More
Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are... Read More
Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in... Read More
Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough... Read More
Introduction"It just hit me out of the blue when Mike... Read More
There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More
Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More
Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the... Read More
Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in... Read More
1. It's addictive. Fighting, and the anger that comes with... Read More
I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More
Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More
"The truth that makes men free is for the most... Read More
Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of... Read More
Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want''... Read More
Many of us have some very definite ideas about anger.... Read More
All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More
This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More
* Be in a good mood when writing a love... Read More
The focus of this article is to explore what it... Read More
Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some... Read More
To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to... Read More
The first step in using feng shui to attract a... Read More
In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon... Read More
Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More
Why do people have affairs? Why not do the 'right'... Read More
THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More
When a guy gets turned down over and over again... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7,... Read More
One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More
Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse... Read More
I don't think a week goes by that I don't... Read More
How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More
Relationship |