To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always mean it, but despite the oft-quoted promise from the movie, love DOES mean saying you're sorry. Unfortunately the idea seems to have hung around long since the movie was put back on the shelf.

Is it a statement about society in general that we question the need to apologize even in our closest relationships? If saying sorry exposes us to confrontation or scrutiny, shouldn't we be willing to accept that from our loved ones?

If people feel that saying sorry diminishes the respect they receive from others, or brings their judgment (and their intelligence) into question - what kind of people CAN apologize freely? Can we expect it?

Perhaps the answer lies deeper than a person's perception of how they'll be viewed. What are the reasons for apologies?

Dr. Aaron Lazare gives his opinion on the motives for apologies in the article 'Go Ahead, Say Your Sorry' published by Psychology Today. He suggests the two positive reasons we apologize include the desire to restore or salvage a relationship and/or a deep seated empathy in which your apology may relieve or diminish the pain you've caused.

The less admirable reasons for an apology he identifies include the desire to escape punishment or the need to clear a guilty conscience - whether the other party was offended or not.

Clearly the first two reasons for apologizing make great claims towards creating happy, healthy relationships. Whether we are brought up to believe in admitting our guilt or not, taking a humble view of ourselves in order to benefit a relationship or an individual whom we've hurt is crucial in maintaining respect for one another.

While some individuals may not demand apologies from their partners, perhaps because they also believe it should not be required, there is a loss of respect between the couple when an apology is left unsaid. The offended has not had their pain acknowledged by the one they love. The offender now lives with the guilt or may start to believe their partner is not worthy of such acknowledgement.

In either case, the relationship suffers. On the other hand, frequent offenders may be too eager to apologize. Their constant display of humility forces the offended partner to accept behavior that should be questioned or challenged regardless of the appearance of repentance.

Accepting each other, faults and all, is a big part of a loving and enjoyable relationship. Not keeping tally of mistakes or judging weaknesses has its place, but a willingness to apologize for lapses of responsibility or good judgment will strengthen, rather than weaken, the bonds of a healthy relationship.

To get more information on how you can quickly enhance your love life and bring the 'passion' back into a relationship, visit http://www.becomehercasanova.com and to, get some great tips and tricks, sign up for our free, new newsletter.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Great Relationships - 3 Things to Avoid, 3 Things to Do

"Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he... Read More

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

Are Women Really Superior to Men?

While doing my search for this idea, I came across... Read More

Slaying The Green Eyed Monster

He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

Whats in a Kiss

Just think of being in front of a warm cracking... Read More

Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys

Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

Romantic Gift Guide

It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More

Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours?

Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships... Read More

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my... Read More

8 Keys to Lasting Love

My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD,... Read More

Ending a Relationship Gracefully

Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

Gag Gifts

Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause... Read More

My Fairy Tale Is Gone

Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called... Read More

Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process

If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More

Calming the Storm In Your Relationship

IntroductionConflict in relationships is inevitable. Put two men together with... Read More

3 Stone Diamond Rings ? Three Times As Nice!

It is said that the stones in 3 stone diamond... Read More

Things Every Couple Should Know

In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of... Read More

Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves,... Read More

Relationship Quiz - Copasetic, Caution, or Conundrum?

This quiz is based on key areas of communication and... Read More

Is There Romance In The Zodiac?

Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More

The Evolution of Love

Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone... Read More

Your Next Argument: 10 Thngs to Consider Before You Get There

1. It's addictive. Fighting, and the anger that comes with... Read More

How We Define Our Relationships?

We can fall into the habit of complaining about our... Read More

Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?

How far can you afford to bend your values to... Read More

The Counsel of Caution

Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The... Read More

Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up

1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for... Read More

When Groucho Marx Got It Right

Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic... Read More

How to Communicate Constructively

Destructive communication erodes self-esteem and harms relationships. Such communication patterns... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More