Making New Friends

How do we make friends? More importantly if dropped into a new city or a new job or a new school, how do we go about making a new friends? Most of us don't really think about it, but just sort of allow people to float in and out of our lives without really paying any attention to how we pull new people into our lives.

Years ago, my son was four years old and starting preschool. He had been begging to go for about a year and was thrilled that he was finally there. He had longed to play on their playground. He really loved all of the noise and commotion of such a large day care center. He was fascinated by the sight of all those other children running around laughing and playing. He was so excited to dive in and start hanging out with those other kids. He was naturally outgoing and energetic, and had wonderful social skills so I knew he'd get along just fine. I was a bit surprised when he came up to me after a few weeks and said that he was really struggling because as 'the new kid' he didn't have any friends.

"How do I get some friends to play with me?"

I told him that every week I would give him a new assignment. I explained to him that you don't want to run through these steps too fast because it makes people nervous and they'll push you away. You want to give them time to adjust to you as you go through these steps.

For the first week all he had to do was smile a nice big smile and say, "Hi!" He needed to walk around saying 'hi' to teachers and students alike. Whoever seemed cool in his opinion. He didn't have to be a geek about it and say 'hi' to everyone, just those he thought seemed kind of interesting. This gives people the impression that you're an upbeat positive person, but not too pushy. Greet them everyday with a smile on your face.

For the second week, he had to start adding their names to the cheerful greeting. When you see someone you like, smile real big and say "Hi Joey!" or "Hi Suzy!" or "Hi Anthony!" Just start learning their names and adding it to your hellos. This way they're already used to your pleasant greetings and it just personalizes it a bit. Greet them with a personalized greeting everyday.

For the third week, I told him to give them an honest compliment along with the greeting. Don't make it something big and embarrassing, but something small and comfortable for them to hear you say out loud in front of others. "Hi Joey! I love your Ninja Turtle T-shirt!" or "Hi Suzy! I really like the way you color within the lines, looks great!" or "Hi Anthony! Nice haircut dude!" The key to this step is honesty. You have to find something you truly like about the person to compliment. People get an odd feeling and on some level can sense when others are being fake or insincere with them. Be honest, be upbeat, and personalize the greeting and the compliment. Again, do it every day. Consistency really matters. You're not just making them feel good about themselves, but creating a public image of yourself as a consistently upbeat positive person.

For the fourth week, I was going to have him include an invitation to play with him in with his greetings, but he never got that far. He was having such a good time with all of his new friends that he never really bothered with any more lessons. He was very popular and well loved from that point on.

Every time he's changed schools or neighborhoods or started going to a new church or gone away to camp or whatever, he has always used that same system to make new friends. It's foolproof and always works for him. He's just started high school this year and is incredibly confident in his ability to make new friends. Now, he simply walks up to strangers, flashes them his best grin, in a charming and almost clown like manner he greets them with a big hug, and will tell them he loves them before he even introduces himself. He just hams it up like a beloved comedian and delivers whatever silly greeting will make kids laugh. It's beautiful to watch him. There isn't a shy bone in that kids body!

Can we as adults do the same thing? I know that if I really look at my own behaviors, the times that friends have seemed a bit scarce were when I wasn't doing a lot of reaching out and greeting them. If I wasn't personalizing my conversations towards them and I wasn't handing out the compliments, then new people didn't seem to stick around and develop into friendships. Most people are a lot more insecure and shy then they let on, and they really feel good when someone else notices them enough to learn their name and to greet them with a real compliment. It usually makes them feel comfortable enough to respond and to begin opening up.

It's a really simple exercise? consistently greet them, personalize the greeting, and then add a compliment to the greeting, if you aren't friends by then, offer an invitation along with the greeting. People love to feel likeable. This system lets them know that you think they're likeable without making you feel like an uncomfortable nerd. It's slow enough paced to not be forced, unnatural, or pushy. We humans have funny little behavioral rules and rituals that we follow instinctively and red warning flags pop up when someone doesn't approach us just right. Deep down, I think we're still just as skittish and easily spooked away as the first cavemen. Give them time to check you out. It's amazing how beautifully this works.

John Samtron, is the editor for http://www.self-confidence.tv.

All the resources you will need to improve your level of self-confidence are right here on http://www.self-confidence.tv. By using these resources you will feel like a new person in no time. We offer our visitors two tools designed to help them develop better self-confidence. We offer a FREE self-confidence interactive course and Unbreakable Confidence ? the most comprehensive self-confidence eBook available today on the Internet.

---

True Love - Part 2

Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More

She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Who Is Some Who Loves You?1. Someone who sees the... Read More

Very Old Secret To Melt The Heart Of Your Beloved

My Dear Lover,Communication is one of the key ingredients for... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There... Read More

What Makes The Ideal Man?

Are you looking for the Ideal Man? While my book... Read More

Soul Mate Myths

But the cold truth is that most people have never... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

The Grammar of Good Communication

No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor... Read More

Why Its Good To Be Alone

Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to... Read More

How to Survive Long Distance Relationships

One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

Affairs: What an Affair Really Is and What an Affair Really Does

We hear about it all the time - in magazines,... Read More

A Gift From the Heart of a Friend

She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A... Read More

Extra-marital Affairs...Yes or No!!!

Extra-marital Affairs?Yes or No!!! (Think and Tell)"Human Relations", a complex... Read More

How To Seduce A Woman The Right Way

Gentlemen, if you really want to seduce a woman the... Read More

Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First

It's important for you to take care of yourself before... Read More

Coping with Your Abuser

How to cope with your abuser?Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers... Read More

The Three Levels of Soul Mates

From my own personal experience of being involved in certain... Read More

10 Free Romantic Gifts

Being in love does not mean that you should turn... Read More

Reading Body Language in Depth

Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More

Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun

When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their... Read More

Is It Love or Money?

What do women or men want out of a relationship?... Read More

Approval - You Dont Need It

Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided... Read More

Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution?

As the story goes, there was once a farmer and... Read More

Valentines Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the uneasy feeling that your husband is... Read More

Fight, Flight, or Loving Action

Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When... Read More

Zodiac Love Match ? Can the Stars be Right?

As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking... Read More

My Fairy Tale Is Gone

Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called... Read More

Lab Created Diamonds Are Now Exceedingly Good

When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little... Read More