It's been a few months since the riveting headlines: The Dream Couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. The fall out from this celebrity break up is still plastered all over the magazine headlines.
Parade magazine recently took a poll asking for the number one celebrity shocker of the year. And who'd-a-thunk-it, Brad and Jen's breakup was the number one rated celebrity shocker of the year.
How could this be? This is the dream couple who have everything going for them: Money, fame, fortune, looks, glamour, celebrity.
How could this happen?
Because fame, fortune, looks, glamour, and celebrity do not sustain a relationship.
A good fit and a good connection make for a sustainable relationship.
What Makes for a Good Fit?
So what makes for a good fit? Just three things are needed to make a good fit ? requirements, needs and wants.
For a relationship to work and be sustainable long term, there must be a good fit between the requirements, needs, and wants of the two people.
Requirements
Simply stated, a requirement is "a gotta have." A requirement is a deal breaker. The relationships will not work if this is not present. There is no room for compromise.
For example, if one person wants children and the other one does not, that's a deal breaker. You cannot compromise here because you cannot have half a child.
If you are not sure if something is a requirement for you, ask yourself this question "If I was with Brad Pitt/Jennifer Anniston, and everything else was great, but this one thing was not there, would the relationship work?"
If the answer is no, then it is a requirement. If the answer is a serious yes, then it is a need.
Needs
Needs are similar to, yet different from requirements. Needs can be negotiated. There is room for compromise and negotiation.
For example, if you have a strong desire for time alone, you can negotiate the what, when, where of alone time.
There are two types of needs, functional and emotional. Functional needs are things that need to happen in a relationship, like saving money, keeping the house clean, or having sex three times a week. Emotional needs are something you need to experience to feel loved by the other person, such as security or appreciation.
Wants
A want is the gravy in a relationship, the icing on the cake. Wants are things that make the relationship fun.
Most people become attracted to each other based on wants and desires, and needs and even requirements are ignored. In a successful relationship, there is alignment between the wants and needs of both people.
An alignment of requirements and needs between two people is what makes for a successful and happy long term relationship.
And all the glamour, good looks, fame and fortune of a Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston won't be enough if the good fit is not there.
Jeff Herring coaches singles and couples to live the life they love with the love of their life. Jeff is also a speaker and syndicated relationship columnist in newspapers all over the world. For more tips and coaching for your relationship, and to sign up for the free weekly internet newsletter "Great Relationships Tip of the Week" Jeff invites you to visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com
Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More
1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who... Read More
Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our... Read More
Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that... Read More
Extra-marital Affairs?Yes or No!!! (Think and Tell)"Human Relations", a complex... Read More
How do you react when you are faced with spending... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7,... Read More
Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what... Read More
Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some... Read More
Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In... Read More
Mark Twain once said that he believed it was "God's... Read More
Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can... Read More
What do you do when a long term relationship goes... Read More
Many cultures have customary kissing etiquettes. The French for instance... Read More
Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a... Read More
Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one... Read More
A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More
You hate it, but it's happened ? the love of... Read More
One of the very worst mistakes a man can make... Read More
There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More
Men and women think differently about romance.Men are goal-oriented. They... Read More
"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More
Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More
There is a cool little game for spicing up your... Read More
Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is... Read More
Q. I got married for the first time when I... Read More
The problem with choosing a dating service is choice --... Read More
The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More
Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes... Read More
One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family... Read More
Breakups can be painful and difficult on so many difficult... Read More
All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More
It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More
Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody... Read More
Honestly, I do not know anyone who is romantic nowadays... Read More
Living with adult ADD can be quite a challenge. Not... Read More
What's all the Hype about Love Relationships, Anyway?Love relationships are... Read More
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have loved each other... Read More
Why is it that even though I am not positive... Read More
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus,... Read More
1) Treat the family you have come from as more... Read More
The famous three words we never hear enough of in... Read More
How do you know when it's time to say goodbye... Read More
About a year ago, I was talking to a friend... Read More
Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite... Read More
Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the... Read More
Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt... Read More
Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of... Read More
How do you react when you are faced with spending... Read More
Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many... Read More
A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More
"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told... Read More
One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and... Read More
The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More
I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More
Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More
Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for... Read More
Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every... Read More
What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More
The first thing you want to consider when buying a... Read More
One of the very worst mistakes a man can make... Read More
A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More
The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free... Read More
One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More
In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are... Read More
Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University,... Read More
Relationship |