Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: "How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don't spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on. Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn't make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It's intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-af fair.com

---

He?s So Loving (But He Has These Black Moods)

It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving... Read More

Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech

Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of... Read More

Things Every Couple Should Know

In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More

Fear of a Broken Heart

Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and... Read More

Relationship Advice: 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers... Read More

Penpal and Christian Penpal

Having a penpal can be fun; bringing diversity into your... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

Picking Up The Pieces

"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told... Read More

Playing the Part

A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time.... Read More

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

People who experience bad health often have major league forgiveness... Read More

Only You Can Decide If Your Interracial Love Will Stand the Test of Time

Interracial dating has really evolved over the past two decades... Read More

Loves All About Chemistry

People who have been swept off their feet know the... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

Long Distance Love

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare.... Read More

The Unfairly Judged Professor

An All Too Familiar TaleShe takes her teaching responsibilities seriously;... Read More

What is a Red Flag

The focus of many of the last few articles has... Read More

When Groucho Marx Got It Right

Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic... Read More

Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up

Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become... Read More

Recharging Your Relationship

Now you may ask why we would write an article... Read More

Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic

If you don't have the time, money or energy to... Read More

How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?

One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?

One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love?... Read More

A Gift From the Heart of a Friend

She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A... Read More

How To Change A Loved Ones Annoying Habits

Is there someone close to you who has an annoying... Read More

Hold Em or Fold Em?

Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More

Zodiac Love Match ? Can the Stars be Right?

As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking... Read More

Cutting the Cord

Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have... Read More

Being Mindful of Your Mates Space

SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to... Read More

Confession of the Egoists!

Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive... Read More

Relationship Advice: 5 Tips to Make a Strong Marriage Even Better

1. Time together is time during which the complete focus... Read More