Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever this year. Everywhere I turned, I saw candy hearts or jewelry glistening in store displays. Radio announcers drummed the message home through constant promotions of dinner for two. There was no one "special" in my life. I had been working hard on my home-based business, running two personal development programs and then writing well into the night, week after week, to expand my website content. I wanted ? and felt I deserved ?a little appreciation.
So for the first time I did the unthinkable. At a flower shop, I ordered an exquisite arrangement of orchids and lilies for myself. I also purchased a box of chocolates to share with friends.
The flowers still brighten my kitchen table and lift my spirits.
The media tries to convince us that being part of a couple is the ideal. If that were true, why do half of all marriages, particularly in the West, end in divorce? Why do so many relationships stagnate and prevent us from being ourselves, from growing?
Many people stay together because they fear growing old alone. I admit that I have been there, too - unhappy in my marriage but afraid to leave. Paradoxically that was the loneliest period of my life. There was a serious lack of communication; below the "respectable" surface of couplehood, I lived in quiet misery.
>From images of successful couples in the media to dinner parties, society is always pushing us to "pair up." However, many of us experience protracted periods in our lives where we do not have a partner, times when we need to heal and/or discover and develop ourselves. Singlehood should be seen as a viable option.
I have been single for over 15 years. If no friends are available, I go to a movie or a restaurant alone without feeling "strange." I see others, too, coming on their own. For years now, I book a flight south and take a solo vacation, packing a few books along with my swimsuit and shorts. I am convinced that people find it easier to approach me as a single; I have never lacked for company either on the beach or while traveling.
Though I never elected to "be" single, I have grown in ways that would not have been possible had I remained in a relationship. This lifestyle has allowed me to develop the self-confidence to take on new challenges and lead a truly fulfilling life.
Here are some distinct advantages to being single:
· Stronger friendships
Living with another person can make you lazy about reaching out to others. Also, couples tend to socialize with other couples. As a single, you can develop satisfying friendships with people of all ages, social classes and backgrounds. Among my friends are a 77-year-old poet, a 28-year-old abstract painter, a single mother and a married creative director.
· Time to invest in yourself
As a single, you have more time to take courses, develop interests and hobbies or train for a new career. You can also heal past wounds and work on personal growth. Being single is a unique opportunity to explore who you are and what is important to you. Also, when there is no partner to lean on, you become more resourceful and proactive. The boost in self-confidence in one area of your life will extend to other areas as well
. Your choices ? your life
To me, the greatest advantage of being single can be summed up in one word ? freedom! You choose your own friends and see them as often as you like. On the home front, if you decide to paint your walls purple or buy a striped velvet couch, no one else will object. You are at liberty to come and go as you like, to eat when you're truly hungry, or to play music in the dark.
To build a rewarding life as a single, you need to feel complete on your own. It is also important to take responsibility for your life ? pursue supportive and stimulating friendships and develop your interests. Too many people live in a holding pattern, unmotivated to take proper care of themselves or their surroundings because they haven't met a suitable partner. This is such a waste of time and opportunity!
One way to better appreciate your singlehood is to list the benefits you derive from this lifestyle. This is easier to do when you have been in an unfulfilling relationship and have seen the down side. Maybe your partner was a night owl, but you prefer getting up at the crack of dawn. Remember all the compromises you had to make ? and be thankful for the choices you now have.
A number of singles are joining forces against the "tyranny of coupledom." One such organization can be found at http://www.quirkyalone.net. Quirkyalones describe themselves as independent thinkers who want to live full lives rather than accept unsatisfying relationships. They believe in love, they just don't want to settle!
I, too, refuse to settle. I know what I want in a potential partner and trust that he will appreciate all that I have become. Finding happiness as a single does not prevent me from leaving a corner of my heart open just for him.
About The Author
Thelma Mariano, life coach and author, is dedicated to bringing clarity and direction to people's lives. See her on-line coaching programs, articles and column at http://www.u-unlimited.ca.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|


So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More
If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must... Read More
Spring is in the air. It is a time of... Read More
The first thing you want to consider when buying a... Read More
Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More
I recently came across this quote:"There is a time in... Read More
Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even... Read More
One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice... Read More
So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More
"You know, I really do love fish!" My friend... Read More
In this article I'd like to share what the research... Read More
1. It's addictive. Fighting, and the anger that comes with... Read More
"We strengthen a muscle by using it, and that is... Read More
One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship... Read More
Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More
Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More
Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided... Read More
Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies.... Read More
One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their... Read More
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More
We hear it all the time. "He just won't make... Read More
As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More
THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More
Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 19,... Read More
Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in... Read More
Q. It's been over a year since the guy I... Read More
You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More
Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's... Read More
This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More
Looks like everyone wants to sue someone right? Well, I... Read More
Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More
Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More


Men and women think differently about romance.Men are goal-oriented. They... Read More
Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More
One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love?... Read More
Emotional infidelity can start with a simple hi or a... Read More
I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More
People who experience bad health often have major league forgiveness... Read More
Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how... Read More
Being a good friend is a skill we can learn... Read More
We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keen ability... Read More
We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More
Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your... Read More
Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More
Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise... Read More
A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a... Read More
Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all... Read More
Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University,... Read More
We hear about it all the time - in magazines,... Read More
One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice... Read More
This is one of the most difficult parts of a... Read More
On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More
As we all know, there are many types of kiss.... Read More
Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the... Read More
I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More
Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More
Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of... Read More
Teen relationships are touchy things. Girls are often ready for... Read More
I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5... Read More
What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More
CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that... Read More
In any group of abused women there's almost always at... Read More
I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More
Whether you are single or married, we all need luck... Read More
There are two golden rules for choosing underwear for the... Read More
Relationship |