Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?

Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now. At first it was magic and Dan was so romantic and attentive. Now he is constantly criticizing her or even worse ignoring her completely. When he's not out with his friends he lays around the house watching T.V. expecting her to wait on him. Just when she thinks that she can't stand it any more, he becomes the old loving, romantic Dan once more; however, this never lasts longer than a few days and then he resumes his old behaviors. Kathleen knows that it's time to for a life change but simply can not bring herself to take action.

1. What you see is what you get.

We see or perceive the world based on what we choose to pay attention to and how we choose to interpret it.

· If you see yourself trapped, then you are
· If you see yourself as a victim, then you are

You are responsible for what you are attracting into you life right now. Kathleen is attracting Dan's abuse and neglect primarily because she doesn't have the respect for herself to create any boundaries as to how she expects and deserves to be treated. She is choosing to see herself as a victim, trapped in this relationship. Kathleen sees Dan as the problem; if only he would change then her life would be better. His behavior is rendering her powerless in her eyes.

Choose what you are choosing to pay attention to and how you choose to interpret it. Choose carefully what you want to see.

2. We always have choices and the one with the most choices wins!

Kathleen is choosing to accept Dan's behavior and she really thinks that she has very little choice in the matter. Dan sees that he has an infinite number of choices at the moment and this has given him an enormous amount of power. He is very much like the puppet master pulling the strings. Choose to change your behavior by identifying more and better choices.

3. We have a good excuse for everything that we do.

Every behavior is useful or valuable to us in some way. Kathleen's submissive behavior is useful to her in that it reinforces her view of herself as a victim with no choices. Dan's behavior is valuable to him as it reinforces his belief that he is master of his domain. Choose now to determine what is valuable for you in a situation.

4. We do what works for us.

Everything that we think, feel and do works to produce the results in life that we are getting. Kathleen's relationship with Dan is on some unconscious level helping her achieve exactly the results that she wants. Don't like what you've got, choose now to change what your doing.

5. You can literally do anything if you believe that you can.

What does Kathleen believe about herself that requires her staying in an unhealthy relationship? What ever she believes she will always find lots of evidence in the world to support it. If she listened to her 'self talk' every time she thinks about leaving Dan, she would soon find out what she believes.

· I'll never get someone new. It's better to put up with what I've got
· Anything is better than being alone
· He is exactly what I deserve
· He'll change if I'm patient, he's a good person underneath
· He really needs me, he just doesn't realize it
· I need him, without him, I'm nothing

Choose to examine your beliefs and change them. You created them; you can change them. Look for evidence in the world to support the new belief.

6. Act as if you already have what you want.

If you really want to be loved then be loving, not only to others but also to yourself. If you want respect then be respectful, not only to others but also to yourself. Determine what it is that you really want to achieve then behave as if you already have it. If Kathleen wants a loving relationship based on mutual respect then she needs to model those essential qualities not only by how she treats others, including Dan, but also by how she treats herself. In Kathleen's case if she was more loving and respectful of herself she would draw some definite boundaries as to how she expects to be treated. If she really loved and respected Dan then she would expect more from him as well.

Lesley Cordero is the President of Cordero Consulting offering personal growth solutions in the form of workshops, keynote presentations, and Internet information resources.

Subscribe to her free bi-weekily ezine "Deep Linking" at http://www.LesleyCordero.com and begin to connect with what is really important in your life.

Are you ready to 'see things differently?'®

---

Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process

If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More

How To Give Women What They Want and Need?The Forgotten Method of Wooing

Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More

Guys Guide To Flowers

We are here to help! With these helpful hints on... Read More

Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys

Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the... Read More

Choosing an Online Dating Service

The problem with choosing a dating service is choice --... Read More

No More Lonely Weekends!

How do you react when you are faced with spending... Read More

Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Meet Emotional Needs

Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want''... Read More

Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others

As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More

Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud

So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: How to Balance Your Hear at Work with Your Heart at Home

Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in... Read More

Holiday Fun for Singles

Are you dreading the holidays because you are single? For... Read More

Are the Neighbors Next Door Secretly Swinging?

The swinging lifestyle does not discriminate against race, body type,... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

Is Your Relationship Worth Fighting For

Sometimes when a relationship has gone sour, our efforts are... Read More

Extra-marital Affairs...Yes or No!!!

Extra-marital Affairs?Yes or No!!! (Think and Tell)"Human Relations", a complex... Read More

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

Relationship Tips to Grow Close and Stay Close

Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly... Read More

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14,... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

Getting More From Dating, Romantic Relationships, and Marriage

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a... Read More

Washroom Break

Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies.... Read More

Clues to Help You Bust the Undercover Married Man, Before You Fall in Love

If your Knight in shining armor still hasn't come galloping,... Read More

Reading Body Language in Depth

Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Solve Problems and Have Fun Too

I recently came across this quote:"There is a time in... Read More

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women... Read More

What Men Hate in Women

Without wasting much time, here are some of the personality... Read More

Hold Em or Fold Em?

Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold... Read More

Love - Entrepreneur Style

For many of us, love has become a distant ideal.... Read More