Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are actually very similar. By romance we mean the feeling of love, happiness, joy and delight in just waking up in the morning. We mean being able to be excited about our day, our lives and the people we meet along the way. This is usually the way we feel when we are with or have met someone we particularly care for who cares for us that way as well.

When we are with someone we care for and who cares for us there is a heightened sense of being beautiful, valuable and seeing the other that way as well. We feel we have found a person we can trust, share with, be open with and intimate. We no longer have to live in the straight jacket we have placed ourselves in. What a wonderful way to feel about life,oneself and another person. In Zen as we practice, we become to feel that way about everyone and about each of our days, no matter what is going on.

Most feel that romance just comes out of the blue, there is no way to know when, or how to hold onto it. Some say it is a gift and a blessing, bestowed upon us when we are lucky, or in the right place at the right time. Some say romance comes only to the fortunate few. Some even refuse romance, because they feel the happiness it brings cannot ever last. They'd rather not get their hopes up and experience a let down later on.

While romance is certainly a gift and a blessing, and we all want to live the enhanced sense of life it brings, there are actually many steps we can take to prepare the way for it. Each individual has a part in welcoming this state of being into their lives and a part in keeping it going. Romance is not just for the lucky few, but can come to all at any point in life, to anyone, at any moment.

The real question we must ask ourselves is are we willing to let it in? Are we willing to give ourselves and another this most precious gift of all? As we engage in Zen practice we see that there are certain ways in which we keep romance from our doorstep, and other ways in which we invite it in. Here is an exercise to start with: More can be found in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

The One Beside You Now

Look at a person who is close to you right now ? anyone it happens to be. Notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that for a moment. Become still. Stop thinking of what you want from the person and just become aware of what he is offering and what he is not. Allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Just be with it all for a little while and let it be fine the way it is.

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. We discount so many people who are in our worlds, while waiting for "the right one" to appear. As we take on Zen practice and principles, we soon discover that the romance we want, the heightened sense of beauty and happiness is right within ourselves. It comes alive when we see each person truly.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, relationship expert, author and speaker. This article is based upon her most recent book, Living By Zen, http://www.livingbyzen.com. Dr. Shoshanna offers talks and workshops and is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave, (Putnam) What He Can't Tell You and Needs To Say, (Putnam), and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), (Wiley). You can reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Desirous Attachment , the Trap and the Solution

I've seen a lot in my life. A lot of... Read More

Hey There, Whats Your Money Personality?

Guys who come up to women in bars and ask:... Read More

8 Reasons Why Your Man Isn?t More Romantic On Valentine?s Day

What is supposed to be the most romantic day of... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

Diamond Solitaire Rings - The Ultimate In Engagement Rings

There are no better rings to seal your engagement than... Read More

Why Do Men and Women Misunderstand Each Other So Much

Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are... Read More

How to Find Relationship Advice

One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice... Read More

Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship

"If you are trying to find ways to lead a... Read More

A Dear Jon Letter

How do you let go of someone whom you have... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

Communicate What You Feel: How to be Understood By Those You Love

Good communication is of fundamental importance in intimate relationships. The... Read More

Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating

The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More

Relationship Tips 101

In this article I'd like to share what the research... Read More

Secrets of the Opposite Sex

Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More

Being A Friend Through A Divorce

We used to joke amongst the couples we are close... Read More

Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal

"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will... Read More

And They Didnt Even Know I was Looking: Lessons on Love from My Parents

I came from good people. I didn't always know that.You... Read More

Cheating Wives and Cheating Husbands Give Different Reasons for Having Extramarital Affairs

Infidelity studies indicate that the percentage of cheating wives is... Read More

Men Love Women Who Initiate Sex ? 4 Fun Ways to Do It

This is a sizzling hot topic for a lot of... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes Part II

How many time have you felt an instant attraction to... Read More

Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves,... Read More

How to Get a Woman to Treat You the Way You Deserve

You know the scenario. You start dating a woman. After... Read More

9 Myths About Being Single

More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried... Read More

Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships

Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More

7 Steps To Creating A Healthy Relationship

Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires... Read More

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Support for Non-ADD Spouses and Partners

Living with adult ADD can be quite a challenge. Not... Read More

Is Love Ever In Vain?

All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More

The Fine Art of Flirting

Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks... Read More

Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive

You've been in a relationship for quite some time and... Read More