Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence

Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years. People use the words as if they represent an incurable disease rather than what it really is, deplorable human behaviors. It doesn't matter how many times Oprah, Sally, or Montel talk about domestic violence it is still happening to many of their audience members and viewers, why?

In this society we have a bad habit of excusing women of being responsible for themselves, thus leaving them as victims to the madness of their abusers. It's imperative women understand their bodies and minds are to be treated with respect and honor, and it is within their power to enforce treatment befitting a human being.

Enforce? Yes, if they're in an environment that is unhappy due to beatings and cruel criticisms it's their duty to move to safer ground, a place where negative words and actions are not levied against them. Women need to know, if a man or woman loves them enough to fill a mustard seed they would never give them a black eye,bruise ribs, shoot or cut them, nor would they ever open their mouths to utter degrading terms directed at them. Love should never humiliate or beat you silly.

For the past decade talk shows have filled the airways with sad stories of living with violently insane persons but they left out a significant part, the part of the woman. Men and women both sit on talk shows claiming they can't control their behavior, they blame their parents and babysitters for abusing them, they blame the parish priest for molesting them, they blame society for not removing them from an abusive household as children, they blame the gun manufacturer, they blame their loved ones for upsetting them and the list goes on. When will the blaming to justify their abuse stop?

It'll stop when women (and men) stop making excuses for why their "love ones" hit, kick, bite, and degrade them. It'll stop when women walk away the first time a man (or woman) assault them, instead of, enduring twenty years pretending he or she's going to magically change.

Recently I saw a talk show discussing domestic violence and I was deeply sadden by the guest speaker's summation of domestic violence. There was a theme emerging, the only person to blame is the perpetrator, after all they're mentally ill. Not once did she point out how victims aren't victims until they surrender their power, which gave the impression she was saying the victims aren't responsibility for themselves.

I'm not saying they (as in the victim) can control anyone but themselves, no I'm saying there's always something the "victim" can do to legitimately protect themselves from further harm. Are these options perfect? The answer is no, but, at least the "victim" would be attempting to do something rather than throwing their hands in the air and accepting the harsh treatment as facts of life.

After watching the show I soon discovered other women who were also put off by the so-called abuse expert's explanations and comments. Like me they were left with a sour taste in their mouth on how women are encouraged to remain passive and not pro-active to the first signs of abuse. There's power in saying and meaning, no I will not permit you to hit me ever, but somehow it seems these experts are trying to preserve victimhood.

Three women confided in me their reasons for being disappointed with the show's guest.

"I lived with abuse for fifteen years. Every weekend I wore a black eye. One day I woke up and thought to myself, I don't hit him so why should I let him hit me. That's when the light came on, I should be treated the way I treat him. I took responsibility for my allowing this man to hit me. I decided he wouldn't hit me anymore and got out. Who cares how mentally ill he is, I have to be sane for me and see where my power lies." VPalmer

"Expert huh? Women will always be victimized if they never see by not reacting with action, as in getting out, when abuse first starts they're enabling the abuser. Why is it so hard to just say that instead of all that beating around the bush." anonymous

"I'm disgusted. Women can count on future generations being abused because there's no encouragement for them to feel strong and in charge of themselves." Lee

It's time we, as human beings, take responsibility for our futures the way God intended and stop handing over our power to decide our own fates to uncaring and abusive people. REMEMBER this, someone giving you a black eye is not a sign they love you, it's a sign they have issues that has nothing to do with you and it's time for you to get away from them.

About The Author

Regena English, the editor of The Leather Spinsters Newsletter and Leather Spinsters on the Web Ezine publications for happily unmarried careerwomen. She is also the author of a controversial ebook entitled Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality. http://www.leatherspinsters.com

---

Gag Gifts

Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause... Read More

Christmas Gifts Can Be a Cheating Husbands Undoing

Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your... Read More

Apologizing When We Hurt Our Friends or Partners

In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes, Part I

Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction... Read More

Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in Relationships

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More

Infidelity: Spying is NOT Revenge

Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse... Read More

Dating Women From Russia: Important Tips The Marriage Agencies Never Tell You

I want to share with you information that the Russian... Read More

Communicate What You Feel: How to be Understood By Those You Love

Good communication is of fundamental importance in intimate relationships. The... Read More

The Lies That Saved a Judges Life

What is empathy? Many people confuse empathy with sympathy, but... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy

Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite... Read More

Men and Relationships

Ever since the women's movement began, women have empowered themselves... Read More

Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates?

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of... Read More

Buying A Diamond For Your Special Person?

The first thing you want to consider when buying a... Read More

Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters

* Be in a good mood when writing a love... Read More

Is Love Ever In Vain?

All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

Calling Forth a Soulmate

How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You... Read More

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship

It's not working. Your relationship with your partner is not... Read More

The Tablet of Venus

In the 17th century, divination devices called The Tablets of... Read More

Preteen Relationships

Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More

Relationships: Last a Lifetime

Stepping into a new position brought along a few surprises.... Read More

What Type of a Kisser Are You?

As we all know, there are many types of kiss.... Read More

Finding Love With Feng Shui

If true love has been eluding you, you could increase... Read More

Love Relationships: Focusing on What went Right

What's all the Hype about Love Relationships, Anyway?Love relationships are... Read More

Is It Love or Money?

What do women or men want out of a relationship?... Read More

How to Ease the Pain of a Breakup

Whether you do the dumping or you are the one... Read More

Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers

For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a... Read More

Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied

We've all done it at one time or another, or... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 1 The Nothing Syndrome

We've all heard the stories. The princess finds her prince... Read More

How Do I Get Him or Her To Talk To Me?!!!

This is a common concern in our society for single... Read More

Parasitic Relationship

Something in my life is weighing heavily on my mind,... Read More