Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness

Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time in certain situations. In fact, only about 7% of the population claims that they never feel shy. For the rest of us, shyness can range from being an occasional, minor inconvenience, to being a major problem.

Some people however, are afflicted with a degree of shyness so severe that it is almost disabling. This type of acute shyness is not only very painful to experience, but it can have devastating effects on a person's social life, happiness, and career.

Severe shyness is a complex mix of biology, upbringing, traumatic experiences, and negative self-talk. Severe shyness can co-exist with other debilitating psychological conditions such as low self-esteem, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.

Extreme shyness can take many forms, and can show up differently in different people. Some very shy people have problems being in large gatherings, yet feel comfortable in small groups. Some shy people only feel acute discomfort with persons they have just met, while others are never comfortable around people, even those they have known a long time.

Psychiatrists and psychologists use the term "social anxiety disorder (SAD)" to describe extremely debilitating shyness. There isn't complete agreement about whether severe, disabling social anxiety disorder is simply a more severe type of shyness, or whether it is another type of disorder altogether.

Some very shy people are able to overcome their fears by learning social skills and practicing them frequently in social situations. Many also find it useful to gain some measure of control over their uncomfortable physical reactions such as sweating and trembling, by using special relaxation techniques and bio-feedback training.

Many very shy people deal with their extreme anxiety by simply avoiding any social situations that might trigger their discomfort. This may mean turning down invitations to parties and other social events, crossing the street in order to avoid running into someone they know, and even turning down promotions at work.

Although avoiding the feared situation may seem to the shy person like the perfect solution, it actually makes the problem worse in the long run. Every time a shy person chooses to avoid social interaction, he reinforces in his mind how much he fears dealing with other people. By choosing the short-term benefit of avoiding his anxious feelings, he reinforces the power that his fear holds over him

Psychologists who specialize in the treatment of shyness disorders have discovered that avoiding social situations can actually make the problem worse. Many psychologists who treat people aflicted by shyness recommend a program of repeated and gradually increasing exposure to the feared situation, combined with helping the client learn new ways of thinking.

Various psychological therapies have been used to treat extreme shyness, most of them with limited success. The most successful approaches use some variation of cognitive therapy, or behavioral therapy, or both of these, combined with graduated and increasing exposure to the feared situation.

In cognitive therapy, the patient is taught to notice the thoughts he is thinking while he is in the feared situation. The client learns to challenge his thoughts to see if they fit reality. If these thoughts do not match the reality, the client is taught to substitute more realistic thoughts in their place.

Behavioral therapy aims to change the client's behavior using a program of positive reinforcement of the desired behavior, and negative reinforcement of the undesired behavior.

Both cognitive therapy and behavior therapy focus on teaching the client to deal with situations and symptoms in the present. Neither form of therapy delves into situations in the client's distant past. Those forms of psychotherapy that attempt to deal with shyness by delving into the client's past history have not been shown to be effective. in cognitive therapy techniques.

There are many books that can teach the reader to effectively use cognitive therapy techniques for both depression and loneliness. If your case is not particularly severe, you can often learn enough from reading a book and doing the recommended exercises to greatly relieve your symptoms of shyness or depression. Dr. David Burns, one of the pioneers in bringing cognitive therapy to a wider audience, has written several very useful books and workbooks for the general public, including "Intimate Connections" and "Feeling Good--the New Mood Therapy."

In the past decade, researchers have discovered that some anti-depressant medications, particularly the so-called SSRI's (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), can also be very helpful in the treatment of extreme shyness. One of these SSRI drugs, Paxil, was the first to receive American F.D.A. approval as an effective treatment for social anxiety. In fact, ads for Paxil as a treatment for social anxiety have been marketed directly to the public, not just to doctors. Other anti-depressant drugs in the SSRI group are also believed to help in reliving social anxiety.

Does drug treatment for shyness really work? Some very socially anxious people have tried everything that regular psychotherapy has to offer, including cognitive therapy, yet they still suffer debilitating symptoms of shyness until they try SSRI drugs. In some cases, the improvement in sociability after taking SSRI drugs can be swift and profound. This class of drugs seems to help the socially anxious person turn down the excessive volume of their inner judgmental thoughts.

If you are shy or socially anxious, should you take a pill to make you more friendly? There are pros and cons to be considered when deciding whether or not to take a drug for social anxiety. The SSRI drugs can cause nervous agitation, insomnia, weight gain, and sexual dysfunction, as well as many other less common side effects.

Some doctors and psychologists are concerned that a normal human trait, shyness, has been declared a medical condition requiring expensive pharmaceutical intervention. Because the SSRI drugs are relatively new, it is not yet known what the long-term effects of this class of drugs may be. Nevertheless, the SSRI drugs are very widely prescribed, particularly in North America, for depression and social anxiety.

The difference in shyness experienced with drug therapy can be quite astounding, but it will likely last only as long as the drug is taken on a regular basis. When the drug is discontinued, the symptoms of shyness will likely reappear. With the proper psychotherapy for shyness, the positive results are likely to be long lasting.

In most locations it is easier to find a doctor who will prescribe SSRI medication to combat shyness than it is to find a counselor trained in the use of therapy effective in treating shyness disorders.

This article is an excerpt from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" available at http://www.royanereal.com

---

The Three Rings of Relationships

Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose... Read More

What Does It Really Mean When You Pass or Fail A Relationship Quiz?

Q. It seems that no matter what magazine I am... Read More

What Men Want From Women

Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every... Read More

The Battle of the Sexes!

During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I... Read More

Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic

If you don't have the time, money or energy to... Read More

Relationship Advice: Two Tips for Great Relationships

Relationship Tip 1I've been blessed with working with thousands of... Read More

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

Relationship Advice: Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Spouse?

"When we marry, we don't marry one person, we marry... Read More

Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters

* Be in a good mood when writing a love... Read More

Sad Scientific Facts About Love

Disaster results when we see women trying to change a... Read More

What to Do when Your Family Feels He is Not Good Enough for You

Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper... Read More

To Hold or to Set One Free!

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying great health.... Read More

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating On You

The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Make a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More

10 Ways to Seduce A Woman

I have written this article by request but want to... Read More

Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys

Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the... Read More

A Guide to Relationship Quizzes

Sometime in the 1950's, women's magazines started publishing relationship quizzes... Read More

46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue... Read More

Clues to Help You Bust the Undercover Married Man, Before You Fall in Love

If your Knight in shining armor still hasn't come galloping,... Read More

Relationship Conflict: The 3 Cs of Resolving Conflict

"And they lived happily ever after.........."Yeah right.Perhaps I'm a little... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process

If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More

Can You Become A Better Friend After Taking A Friendship Quiz?

Q. Does a friendship quiz really work?A. That depends upon... Read More

The Breakdown of Relationships and Why They Fail

All females need sexual tension from a prospective or existing... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out... Read More

Being A Friend Through A Divorce

We used to joke amongst the couples we are close... Read More

True Love - Part 2

Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the... Read More

Relationship Advice: 4 Ways to Handle an Unsolvable Relationship Problem

1) Leave the relationshipThis is the most common alternative chosen,... Read More

Playful, Innocent Phone Sex

So you're sitting there on the phone, trying to talk... Read More