The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.

We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:

1. Be kind. I'm writing this on a cruise ship and it's fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.

2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.

3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.

4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.

5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.

6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!

7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.

8. Be generous. I've saved the best for last. After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with "give little gifts". Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.

9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was "take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.

10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!

Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!

© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

---

Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up

Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More

Passions Search for Destiny

She was haunted by a man whom she had never... Read More

Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship

"If you are trying to find ways to lead a... Read More

Do You Enable?

We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keen ability... Read More

Romance Matters

You are never too old and it is never too... Read More

What Keeps Couples Together

There are several things you can do, especially when your... Read More

Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More

Everything I Know About Relationship Success I Learned At The Playground

It happened again!I was enjoying an evening with my little... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

Spice Up Your Relationship Tonight

Every relationship needs relief from the same old bedroom routine... Read More

8 Keys to Lasting Love

My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD,... Read More

Are You My Soul Mate?

I'm always dumbfounded when someone walks up to me and... Read More

Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?

One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love?... Read More

Managing Miscommunication - Asking The Agreement Question?

A man and woman were trying to move a couch... Read More

Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect... Read More

When A Relationship Goes Bad

What do you do when a long term relationship goes... Read More

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers... Read More

Telling the Hard Truth

Watching television's "sitcom's", I can't help but notice that most... Read More

Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More

[Conflict Resolution] The Philosophy of Fear and Confrontation

Is there now, or has there been, a person or... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

Will They or Will They Not Cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More

Put Some Z.I.P. Into Your Relationships

Relationships are really what makes the world go 'round, aren't... Read More

The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World

Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

To Love Forever

Emotionally healthy men and women almost always share their lives... Read More

How a Written Agreement Can Enhance Your Relationship

Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of... Read More

All About Soul Mates

1. How do I know when I've met my Soul... Read More

10 Red Flags In Dating Relationships

When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as... Read More

Society?s Misconception of Soul Mates - Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Society's current conception of the term "soul mate" is completely... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More