Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate having to be controlled, mature, and disciplined. I don't want to moderate how much I eat or drink. I don't want to be moderate with sex, or playing, or vacations. I don't want to moderate what I say for fear it will offend. I don't want to do what's "good for me."

I DO want to have a second piece of pie because it tastes good. Sometimes, I do want to have hot sweaty sex at night and again in the morning because it tastes good. I want to run to the roller coaster at Disneyland with the rest of the nine-year-old boys. But I can't.

The pie is bad for my weight and cholesterol. The morning sex will disturb my exhausted, sleeping wife and negatively affect my marital relational love. The other parents at Disneyland will think I'm weird.

We all know what moderation, control, and discipline really means. It means, "I don't get to have what I want. I get to watch other people have what I want; and seem to get away with it. I get to convince myself that raw vegetables taste as good as a Krispy Kreme. I don't just delay my gratification, I simply don't 'get no satisfaction.'"

I know I need to be somewhat moderate, disciplined, and controlled to live life effectively and for a long time--both of which I want. But what about the juice of life--passion? I love being passionate. Does passion have room for discipline and moderation or does it eat them? Does sensual, hedonistic, glorious pleasure have to wear the belt of moderation? To quote McCauley Culkin, the font of wisdom and good choices, "I don't think so."

Part of the wonder of new romances is doing things "over the top;" being infatuated and going with it through cards and flowers and three hour phone calls and getting into work late and tired. Real passion for something makes other things seem like white noise and static. Passion almost demands that other stuff be put aside so you can be excessive. For a year, I wrote most of my first book Stepping Stones, between the hours of 9:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. and on weekends feeling possessed with a sense of needful urgency to write. I'm ashamed to admit that it was great even though I didn't spend as much time with my family.

As I look back, I think the times I've been happiest in my life, I have been obsessed and passionate about something: school, a woman, building my career, exercise; the occasionally sublime nexus moment I talk about in Steppingstones. At these times, I am almost never moderate. I don't always feel out of control; but I am definitely excessive with my priority, big time; making everything else number two; figuratively of course.

Are passion and purpose something you have to balance? Or does being passionate help you with your purpose and vice versa? If you try to balance hedonistic passion and mature, effective living, are you cheating yourself out of both? Can you hurl yourself into the moment and be moderate?

I need to go now. My spinach salad and diet 7-UP are getting warm.

Light and Love,

About The Author

Dr. Tim Sams is the author of Stepping Stones: 10 Steps to Seizing Passion and Purpose; the book is available through his web site: http://www.mysacredjourney.com/bookstore.htm, and at all online bookstores.

Dr. Sams is a University of Michigan graduate who interned at the Long Beach VA Medical Center. He is a diplomate of the American Academy of Pain Management and the American College of Forensic Medicine. He originally trained as a medical and health psychologist with specialty training in behavioral medicine, the melding of medicine and psychology, mind and body. Though he had taken dozens of classes in biology, anatomy, and physiology, over time his clinical passion for alleviating physical pain blossomed and he obtained a Master's of Science with emphasis on the medical basis of orthopedic, neurologic, and myofascial pain.

He is a frequent lecturer on pain management throughout the United States. He authored the most comprehensive patient pain manual scheduled for release in June, 2005. He writes a free, biweekly newsletter called Advances in Medicine that you can sign up for on this website.

Dr. Tim is a motivator and a teacher; a caring soul who believes that humor is one of the best weapons against pain; that and really good drugs.

Dr. Tim has multiple offices in Southern California, consulting to a few dozen pain physicians and hundreds of primary care physicians and orthopedic surgeons. He spends one day a week in his office educating patients at http://www.MyPainReliefDoc.com.

He lives and plays in Orange County, California with his wife Lari and his daughter, Leah. He spends most of his non-family free time jogging, swimming, reading, or writing.

Copyright 2004. Dr. Tim Sams. All rights reserved.

drtimsams@yahoo.com

---

5 Surefire Ways to Arouse Your Woman

As there are different types of women, there are different... Read More

How To Make Hooking Up With Your Ex More Thrilling Than It Ever Was Before!

Now I really have seen everything.The other day, I saw... Read More

Attraction vs. Love

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or... Read More

Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship

"If you are trying to find ways to lead a... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous... Read More

Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun

When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their... Read More

The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer

"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of... Read More

Extra-marital Affairs...Yes or No!!!

Extra-marital Affairs?Yes or No!!! (Think and Tell)"Human Relations", a complex... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More

Here Come the Questions

Why is it that even though I am not positive... Read More

ARC of Understanding

In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are... Read More

Are You A Hopium Addict?

Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough... Read More

Relationship Habits

How many of you have ever been involved with a... Read More

How Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future?

In many instances, we all are "gun shy" after a... Read More

Girl Talk - Boy Talk

Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In... Read More

Calling All Single Parents! Why not Try Online Dating?

Forming a relationship when you're a single mother or father... Read More

Cheating Spouse: 7 Legitimate Motives for Spying

Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You... Read More

Mairi

Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She... Read More

Hey There, Whats Your Money Personality?

Guys who come up to women in bars and ask:... Read More

Love and Life Lessons

Recent events in my life have taught me that the... Read More

Why Some Women Are Desperate

I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More

Only You Can Decide If Your Interracial Love Will Stand the Test of Time

Interracial dating has really evolved over the past two decades... Read More

Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child?

So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship

It's not working. Your relationship with your partner is not... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Create a Nag-Free Zone

Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that... Read More

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? - How to fine tune your relationship radar

I don't think a week goes by that I don't... Read More

You Have to Probe Deeper: Why First Impressions Are Dangerous

Do you remember when, as a small child at a... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

How To Change A Loved Ones Annoying Habits

Is there someone close to you who has an annoying... Read More

Relationship Conflict: The 3 Cs of Resolving Conflict

"And they lived happily ever after.........."Yeah right.Perhaps I'm a little... Read More