Thick Slice, Or Thin?

Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle "The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" gives some clue to its thesis. It's a book that Gladwell describes as being about 'the thoughts and decisions that bubble up from our unconscious.'

What we might term intuition, Gladwell refers to as 'thin-slicing'. "Thin-slicing", he writes, "refers to the ability of our unconscious to find patterns in situations and behaviour based on very narrow slices of experience."

He goes on to cite psychologist John Gottman who can predict whether couples will still be married, 15 years down the line, with 90% accuracy, after 15 minutes' observation.

Gladwell says: "Thin-slicing is part of what makes the unconscious so dazzling. But it's also what we find most problematic about rapid cognition. How is it possible to gather the necessary information for a sophisticated judgement in such a short time? The answer is that when our unconscious engages in thin-slicing, what we are doing is an automated, accelerated unconscious version of what Gottman does.'

Our unconscious is generally right. Of course, many of us are reluctant to trust the accuracy of that thin slice. (Many women get a negative 'thin-slice' message first off from partners who prove to be abusive but, for whatever reason, they override it.)

They then move into 'thick-slice' technology. Their partner repeatedly behaves deplorably towards them, and quite possibly towards their parents, friends and children also. But still they focus on what's good about their partner, and salvageable about the relationship.

How thick does the slice have to be before finally they get it?

If you've been an unwitting 'thick-slicer' - and I certainly was - you now have acquired a valuable tool for your armoury.

How thick do you need the slice to be? More, doesn't mean different, it just means more.

Change is something that you can only effect for yourself, within yourself. As regards relationships, the formidable John Gottman is quite clear. He says:

"People are in one of two states in a relationship? The first is what I call positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability?Or they can be in negative sentiment override, so that even a relatively neutral thing that a partner says gets perceived as negative. In the negative sentiment override state, people draw lasting conclusions about each other. [My italics]

"Once they start going down, towards negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down. They start on a bad course and they can't correct it."

Knowing what you know now, are you a thick-slice or a thin-slice person?

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love

>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The... Read More

What You Should Know About Domestic Abuse

What is domestic abuse?There are many forms of domestic abuse,... Read More

Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating

The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Make Time for Your Relationship

"We don't have to wait till Valentine's Day to think... Read More

Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours?

Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships... Read More

10 Free Romantic Gifts

Being in love does not mean that you should turn... Read More

Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up

Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become... Read More

Conflicts Dont Have to Mean a Fight to the Death

Although conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret... Read More

How To Give Women What They Want and Need?The Forgotten Method of Wooing

Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More

Thick Slice, Or Thin?

Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle... Read More

You Have to Read Heartbreak Rescue Just For You

"The truth that makes men free is for the most... Read More

10 Clues of an Online Affair

1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

Romantic Gift Guide

It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 2

Troll Detection Made EasyDue to their overwhelming lack of social... Read More

Blondes Talking About Blondes!

What is it about blondes that both sexes find so... Read More

Why He Left Me After...?

The next morning he /or she is gone. And because... Read More

Choosing an Online Dating Service

The problem with choosing a dating service is choice --... Read More

Great Relationships: 3 Really Dumb Mistakes and 3 Smarter Moves to Make

1) Think short term.Many people enter marriage with the same... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women... Read More

Relationship Advice: The Me Approach or the We Approach

A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More

How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

We may not be aware of it; but the words... Read More

Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child?

So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

Why Some Women Are Desperate

I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More

Better Than Help

One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration

Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in... Read More

Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through

Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say... Read More

You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating... Read More

The Flames of Love

Suppose you have everything; a good job, good health, good... Read More