When starting a new relationship, we usually adopt a subconscious idea as to how much maintenance this connection will need. Usually, if given some thought, we can throw a microscope over this concept while it is in its fledgling state.
However, time, no matter how you cut it, is a commodity and is as precious as a trillion dollars in your hot little hands. We attempt to save it, cut it, splice it among several tasks, take it for granted, and waste it. Although, most of us never consciously connect relationship maintenance with time.
In going back to a new relationship, it cannot be denied that in this most tender state, both parties look to each other for needs to be fulfilled. If enough maintenance is not given by one, the other will eventually pull back, unless an understanding is clearly stated from the outset.
For example, at this point in my life, with a young daughter, my time is squarely directed towards my family. This is especially true, considering I spend my mornings with her, and see her every night. In order for me to be able to give any other relationship the consideration it needs, I would have to scale back my time with my family, and at this point I am not willing to do this.
Being spread as thin as hot butter is a concept we can all relate to.
This is just my viewpoint on maintaining the integrity of my family relations. Moreover, it is not a reality for myself to hook up with my friends at the drop of a hat anymore, at least at this point in my life.
So how do we make this determination as to how much time we should designate to prospective relationships?
Well, it merely comes down to how solid a foundation you wish them to be on. For me personally, I want my family relationships to be on a rock-solid foundation. Sacrificing the maintenance of other relationships is how your value system should be designed.
Secondly, examining your friendships and their cost benefit ratio, not only for you, but for the friend, should definitely be indicated.
Are you going to be the type when life deals a bad hand to your friend, you abandon that particular person just because some gears inevitably switched for them? If you are that non-understanding of a person, you are not a true friend. Then comes in the question of loyalty to that friend, if you struggle with spending less time with him/her due to their newfound change. Having a heart to heart discussion with that person to obtain his/her mindset and system of values, would always be the best route to take.
Respect!
From your viewpoint, do to your friend's life changes, you inevitably feel snubbed and hurt. It is hard for you to respect his/her wish to spend more time with a new friend, for example. This is true, even though you know that life keeps moving forward no matter what, change is always a huge part of life.
It is not about you all the time.
A more selfless mindset would guide you and you would be happier for your friend's newly found joy. Understanding that scaling back as life's changes come calling, gives you the expectation that this indeed will be an integral part of your relationship, rather than backing out completely.
An understanding among friends.
If you are an understanding friend, or wish your friends were more understanding, then laying this foundation down sooner than later in the relationship is best. When one party feels betrayed, this gives not only this relationship the respect it needs, but when your life change occurs, they won't feel slapped in the face.
If your friends won't be your friends because they don't have limitless access to you anymore, then you don't have to invest too much time into maintaining that relationship. This means they cannot appreciate your higher and lower values.
Invest into your family your time and love, and then have an understanding with your friends that being flexible rather than rigid, will strengthen your relationship with them. Remember, a relationship is a two-way street that needs maintenance and time, so giving too much to a friendship will inevitably take away from your family.
Making this proper assessment is logical and practical and results as a template to follow from which you can issue time to your perspective relations.
--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values?
Get high-quality-relationship advice for guys and women from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Advice for Guys & Women.
**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners**
Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.
We hear it all the time. "He just won't make... Read More
When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little... Read More
There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More
Noon (A Short Love story, dedicated to my wife Rosa)Marina,... Read More
I was sitting in my sanctuary in my back yard... Read More
A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people... Read More
Are you tired of looking for love without success? If... Read More
The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More
The first step in using feng shui to attract a... Read More
How "powerful" are you?Do you ever cover up how you... Read More
Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes... Read More
Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some... Read More
Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough... Read More
We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling... Read More
Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More
In my e-book, How to Build Relationships That Stick, I... Read More
The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman... Read More
Enhance Romance today.When Men and Women enter into a relationship,... Read More
Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly... Read More
An All Too Familiar TaleShe takes her teaching responsibilities seriously;... Read More
Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a... Read More
We all enter relationships hoping they will make us happy.... Read More
It's been said that love is blind. It may also... Read More
Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More
The notion that there can be a technology of relationships... Read More
A social support network is a group of people who... Read More
1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is... Read More
For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More
The Common Scenario:Your partner is hardly ever home to give... Read More
When you were little, you looked up to your parents.... Read More
Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is... Read More
Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More
O.k., you're standing there all alone at a party and... Read More
As there are different types of women, there are different... Read More
Many cultures have customary kissing etiquettes. The French for instance... Read More
Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or... Read More
Do you remember when, as a small child at a... Read More
When you spy on your suspected cheating spouse, please make... Read More
My sister is 45 and having an affair with an... Read More
Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More
Was it a hectic day for you, or did you... Read More
It is a given truth that there are people out... Read More
When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their... Read More
Life after retirement separation can be a very lonely one... Read More
So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More
This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have loved each other... Read More
How does one talk his/her spouse into living the Swinging... Read More
My Dear Lover,Communication is one of the key ingredients for... Read More
Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every... Read More
Relationships are really what makes the world go 'round, aren't... Read More
You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite... Read More
Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their... Read More
Many have problems with communication and using that "love" word.... Read More
You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More
Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial... Read More
If you have the uneasy feeling that your husband is... Read More
"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More
Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart?... Read More
During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I... Read More
"We strengthen a muscle by using it, and that is... Read More
How many of you have ever been involved with a... Read More
So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More
Whether you are single or married, we all need luck... Read More
Relationship |