Affairs: Advice for the One Who Was Betrayed

You are hurt, you are angry, you are simply devastated.

Things will never be the same again. The only winning choice and a source of hope is for the both of you to decide to make things better than they were before.

You probably have a million questions. Some of these need to be answered, some do not. You have to be wise enough to ask yourself if you really want to know the answer to a particular question.

Learning how to trust again is not easy. You certainly will wonder how you will know you're not being fooled again. The only consistently successful answer I have is, does the behavior match the words?

People can fake it a while, but over time, if the behavior does not match the words, it will be exposed.

Affairs are always a choice. Nothing in a marriage or any other situation can make a person have an affair.

At the same time, part of the healing is facing the question: What has been missing in our marriage to cause my partner to be with someone else?

This is such a difficult issue to face, and I'll probably get nasty letters on this one, but it is a necessary part of the healing process.

Here's an even harder issue: forgiveness.

It is absolutely unfair that one person has an affair and the other partner has to do the difficult work of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not condoning what was done, letting your partner off the hook, or allowing yourself to get fooled and hurt again.

Forgiveness is releasing yourself from the long-term pain of what has happened. It may not happen right away, it may take a long, long time, but it is necessary at some point.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e special report on the 10 Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

---

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

A Gift From the Heart of a Friend

She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A... Read More

Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating

The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More

Great Relationships: 3 Really Dumb Mistakes and 3 Smarter Moves to Make

1) Think short term.Many people enter marriage with the same... Read More

A Diamond Anniversary Ring ? The Perfect Way To Seal Your Love

Some time ago you both made a promise. A promise... Read More

How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

How much energy do you spend trying to get what... Read More

My Life

My sister is 45 and having an affair with an... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

Will They or Will They Not Cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More

Anniversary Blues

Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their... Read More

27 Characteristics of Loving Men

Every woman dreams of meeting that special man that knows... Read More

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14,... Read More

Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship

So often when we begin to enter into a new... Read More

Zodiac Love Match ? Can the Stars be Right?

As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking... Read More

Love is Not Supposed to Hurt

Questions and Answers:I often feel sad in my relationship, what... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4

Finally, after all of the hard work you have done... Read More

A Dream of the Perfect Partner

Your dream is so beautiful and it is never to... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

Bedroom Treason

Just a note to ask if there are other married... Read More

Are the Neighbors Next Door Secretly Swinging?

The swinging lifestyle does not discriminate against race, body type,... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you... Read More

How To Quickly Turn Platonic Friends into Lovers Using The New 5-Step Jealousy Technique

I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

Girl Talk - Boy Talk

Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how... Read More

Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Is There Romance In The Zodiac?

Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More

Before Falling Truly and Madly in Love Ask Each Other 10 Pertinent Questions

Falling in love?aaahh what a wonderful experience the first flushes... Read More

Love or Lust

Do you know what the definition of love is? This... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating... Read More