How a Written Agreement Can Enhance Your Relationship

Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of years, but they have not been put to good use for modern couples. Instead they have developed a bad reputation for being legalistic, money-grubbing things, negatively preoccupied with all that might go wrong in the future, and too often used to strip a woman marrying a wealthy man of her rights to property, support, and inheritance. But it doesn't have to be that way.

A new kind of relationship agreement, the Couples Contract is a different animal entirely--affirming and forward-looking--which can do constructive things for loving couples and add features to their relationship that can only help.

Positive, clear language. Unlike the traditional prenup with its terrible legalistic, sphincter-tightening language that lawyers tend to use, often as an awkward substitute for clear thinking and competent writing, the Couples Contract is written in loving and affirming language in simple terms everyone can understand.

Commitment. The Couples Contract affirms your intention to enter into a lasting relationship based upon mutual affection, respect and friendship. You can also commit to a high degree of openness, honesty and good faith in all dealings with one another.

The advantages of a Couples Contract can be had by any couple at any time. It doesn't matter if you are married, soon-to-be-married, or simply living together. If you are a committed couple, you can't afford to be without at least a basic Couples Contract. Here are some essential benefits:

• Make a loving commitment to a lasting relationship
• Introduce concepts that can help solve relationship problems if any arise
• Make sure your relationship never ends up in court
• Keep the terms of your relationship stable, no matter where you move

You don't have to, but if you want, you can add some optional clauses to your basic agreement that will take some thought and discussion, such as:

• Tailor your financial relationships to make them more suitable to your family's needs, which for some couples will be a must.
• Introduce faith-related principles into your family life.

You can start with a simpler basic agreement first, then tailor it later or never, or you can tailor your agreement at the outset. In either case, your agreement can be modified at any time.

Introduce constructive principles into your relationship

One of the most important features you can add to any relationship--a gift that you can give yourselves--is planning in advance, while everything is smooth and lovely, to deal with issues that might threaten your relationship in the future. If you want a lasting relationship, there are specific things you can do to increase your chances.

The Couples Contract can plant some seeds that will help you unravel predicaments that come up for most couples sooner or later. Most couples have no plan or idea for how to deal with such situations if they ever do occur, but you can create a Couples Contract that is there to remind you that there are things you can do and resources you can turn to if needed. Even though things may be wonderful and romantic now, just having these seeds in the back of your mind will help you in the future to recognize signs that your relationship needs some attention, and you'll have some ideas for how to respond if that happens. Look at this as a form of free health insurance.

I expand on these concepts in detail, show you how to create your own Couples Contract, and even provide a template and optional clauses, in my latest book, Legal Essentials for California Couples at www.nolocouples.com. You can use the Couples Contract template even if you don't live in California by making some minor changes.

Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, award-winning author, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. In his latest book, featuring the Couples Contract, Ed applies what he has learned from years of experience to help couples protect and preserve their relationship. You can order his books from http://www.nolocouples.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.

---

Finding a Life Partner

Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

Relationships That Really Last: Is This the Secret?

In my e-book, How to Build Relationships That Stick, I... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of... Read More

Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is... Read More

Proper Flower Etiquette

Flowers are great gifts for practically any occasion, but there... Read More

A Kiss is Never Just a Kiss!

"Kiss: a secret told to the mouth instead of to... Read More

27 Characteristics of Loving Men

Every woman dreams of meeting that special man that knows... Read More

Thick Slice, Or Thin?

Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do

Sometimes the people who are the closest to us, our... Read More

Improve Relationships With Style

Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes,... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech

Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of... Read More

Hold Em or Fold Em?

Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold... Read More

Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship!

It is possible for women to steer clear of an... Read More

Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship

So often when we begin to enter into a new... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More

How To Support Friends and Loved Ones Through an Abusive Relationship

This is a question that comes up a lot. It's... Read More

Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?

Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now.... Read More

How to Get Over a Breakup

This is one of the most difficult parts of a... Read More

Dinner Scooped Off the Floor - Why Men Wont Commit

"We strengthen a muscle by using it, and that is... Read More

Noon (A Love Story)

Noon (A Short Love story, dedicated to my wife Rosa)Marina,... Read More

Is Your Soulmate an Idiot?

Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

What is Romance and How Can You be More Romantic?

Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time,... Read More

True Love - Part 1

True Love! We all dream of being in love with... Read More

Ten Tips to Play Together, and Stay Together: Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around

There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

10 Things Never to Say to A Guy

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him... Read More

Romantic Gift Guide

It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More

Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers

For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a... Read More