Relationship Advice: The Me Approach or the We Approach

A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and rearranging one weekend morning. They were having an especially hard time pushing a dresser through a hall way door.

About to give out, he exclaimed,

"As hard as we push I don't think we'll ever get this dresser out of the hallway!"

To which his wife responded, "Out of the hallway!?! I've been trying to push it into the hallway!"

Sound familiar? Feel familiar?

Working together, or team work if you will, is such an important yet elusive part of marriage. What makes team work so elusive is our tendency to take the me approach to marriage.

The Me Approach

Always taking the me approach greatly undermines any connection with your partner. This is especially true if you are one of those folks who will try to do it their way no matter what.

Here's a few warning signals that the me approach has a hold on your relationship.

*The two of you cannot seem to come to an agreement on almost anything.

*You avoid discussing major and sometimes even minor issues.

*You talk to many people until you can find someone that sees it your way and then use that as evidence with you spouse.

*You find yourself doing things just like your family did and you don't know why.

*Each of you believe your way is not only the right way, it's the only way.

The Team Approach

Many people are on a lonely road due to the "my way or the highway" approach. In marriage, instead of my way, you have got to work on creating "our way."

Here's a few tips for creating the our way - team approach:

*Remember that two heads are almost always better than one. Marriage couselor Dr. Gary Chapman says "two people that are committed to solving a problem will always find a solution."

*Remember that your partner has skills and abilities that you do not have. That's just the way this marriage thing seems to be set up. Honor them and use them. By the way, the dictionary defineshonoring as "to hold in high regard, respect, or esteem."

*Always ask the AWIA question -AWIA stands for "Are We In Agreement?"

*One the the factors that makes the team appraoch difficult is you sometimes haveto give up the right to be right. Easy for some, hard for others. Just remember that often in marriage you can be right or you can be happy, but not both.

*Very few of us marry someone with exactly the same style of doing things that we have. A key step in building a team approach is to "try on" the other person's style every now and then. There is usually a lot to learn.

* Successful team mates (marriage partners) have clear goals about their relationship. They have discussed and are in agreement over what each of them would like to not only get out of the relationship, but sometimes more importantly, what they are committed to giving.

I'll close with a story about a couple I'll call Mr. Neat and Ms. Clean.

Mr. Neat could bath in a shower full of soap scum and not mind at all as long as the towels and soap were neat and in their place.

Ms. Clean can have piles and piles of stuff scattered everywhere, as long as the piles are clean.

The point is that this couple can have either a very neat and clean home or a real mess on their hands, depending on their ability to work together as a team.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

---

Communication in Dating

Does your dating relationship have good communication? Communication during dating... Read More

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships

I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More

Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Tip from Monica and Chandler of Friends

If you are looking for it, you can find relationship... Read More

Relationship Advice: Grieving Before Going On

Q. I got married for the first time when I... Read More

Soul Mates - Do They Really Exist?

Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More

What Till Death Do Us Part REALLY Means - Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy

IntroductionYou might feel it when that hot stud across the... Read More

Happily Single v Happily Married

Have you noticed how so many people spend their lives... Read More

Relationship Advice: 5 Tips to Make a Strong Marriage Even Better

1. Time together is time during which the complete focus... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Solve Problems and Have Fun Too

I recently came across this quote:"There is a time in... Read More

Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways

WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More

Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy?

Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More

Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships

Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More

The Key to Ending Pain With Others

It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how... Read More

Authentic Relationships - 5-Question Exercise to Explore How You Show Up In Relationship

The focus of this article is to explore what it... Read More

Preteen Relationships

Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In... Read More

To Cheat or Not To Cheat

You know I am getting fed up with people who... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me

Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More

Do Men Just Want Mommy?

Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist... Read More

Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?

One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love?... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the Couple

Recovering from an affair is hard work and will take... Read More

True Love - Part 1

True Love! We all dream of being in love with... Read More

Put-Downs: The Whole Story

What put-downs really areLet me begin by saying what they... Read More

Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs

Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children.... Read More

Hey There, Whats Your Money Personality?

Guys who come up to women in bars and ask:... Read More

Sometimes You Got to Spy ? Dealing with Online Infidelity

Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes... Read More

The Freedom to Fall

So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More