Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal

"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Remember that little rhyme from childhood?

It's wrong.

And more than that, it's a lie. Words are very powerful. Words can hurt or heal, build up or tear down, comfort or curse.

According to Mike Gordon, pastor at CenterPoint Church in Ocala, Fla., very few of us are prone to slice and dice our partner with our words.

At the same time, most of us are guilty of making little cuts, or "nicking" those we love with our words.

Have you nicked your partner lately?

And no, I do not mean shaving. I mean nicking with your words. The little cuts and jabs, the sarcasm and put-downs we sometimes carelessly throw out there.

It took me just about the entire first year of marriage to figure out that what some of my friends found hilarious, my wife did not find at all amusing at best, and cut and hurt her at worst.

Other folks excuse "nicking" as just being brutally honest. In my experience, most of the folks who brag about being brutally honest enjoy the brutality more than the honesty.

John Powell said, "The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."

The power of the tongue

Our tongue, and the words that come from it, has incredible power. Words have the power to hurt or to heal, to tear down or build up, and to curse or comfort.

How have you been using your words with the one you say you love? If you realize you have been doing some nicking up until now, here are two things you can do:

1) Make a commitment to use your words to comfort not curse, heal not hurt, build up not tear down

2) Go to your love and apologize for nicking in the past and let the one you love know you intend to change this bad habit. The words could be something like:

"I realize I have nicked you and hurt you with my words, and I apologize and hope you can forgive me. I'm also making a commitment to you to control my tongue in the future."

A word of warning as you apologize. I know of one gentlemen who apologized by saying "I need to tell you I am sorry for nicking you." Well, somehow what she heard was "I want to apologize for Nicky."

You can imagine how the conversation took an unexpected detour from there.

The above example, and the one below, demonstrate just how very much the words we choose to use matter to those we love.

Different words, different result

A country boy fell head over heels for a little girl who lived down the lane. The problem was, every time he got around her, his knees shook and he stammered when he tried to speak. He just had no clue about how to talk to this girl.

So one day he went to town and followed a city boy who was known for being good with the ladies, trying to pick up some tips. The country boy listened as the city boy looked deep into the eyes of his girlfriend and said "Your beauty could make time stand still."

"That's it!" he said, and rushed back to the country and found his girl. Taking her by the hand under the apple tree, he looked deep into her eyes and said, "Your face could stop a clock."

Same content. Different words. Very different result.

Remember, you have a choice, hurt or heal, tear down or build up, curse or comfort.

Which words would you like to use, and which words would you like to be used with you?

Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship Columnist. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more relationship tips and tools, a free internet newsletter and free e-programs to enrich your relationship

---

Common Relationship Problems

The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown... Read More

How to Find Relationship Advice

One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice... Read More

Do You Enable?

We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keen ability... Read More

Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It

Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Improve Intimacy

A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

Confession of the Egoists!

Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create... Read More

The Male Rating System

While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More

The Freedom to Fall

So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily... Read More

Its Your Fault I Had An Affair!

When you read it like that, out of context, you'd... Read More

When Are You Ready to Move onto a New Relationship?

Breakups can be painful and difficult on so many difficult... Read More

Like Father

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 5,... Read More

The Sting

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28,... Read More

Womens Cosmic Personality Quiz: Are You a Star Woman or an Earth Mother?

Star Women are visionary leaders, and focused on the future.... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Cheating Spouse: 7 Legitimate Motives for Spying

Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You... Read More

Infidelity: Difference Between a Rage and Revenge Affair

The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free... Read More

Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive

You've been in a relationship for quite some time and... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1

When you were little, you looked up to your parents.... Read More

A Little Help Finding Love

A little help finding love online.Visit the dating sites.If finding... Read More

Secrets of the Opposite Sex

Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More

Build your Social Support Network

A social support network is a group of people who... Read More

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

Add Trust To Your Relationship

Trust is something that is important to every single relationship... Read More

Finding a Life Partner

Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my... Read More

Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun

When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their... Read More

Relationhip Advice: How to Have Fun Together

Work. Bills. Kids. Chores.Etc.All these things get in the way... Read More

Blondes Talking About Blondes!

What is it about blondes that both sexes find so... Read More

How To Support Friends and Loved Ones Through an Abusive Relationship

This is a question that comes up a lot. It's... Read More