Bring Back the Cilice Belt

Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope. The image of this tall, albino monk performing 'corporal mortification' is a shocking one that stays with the reader.

Curiously, it was the image that sprang to mind yesterday when I was talking with a woman about the issues she is facing right now. Yvette (not her real name) is not, fortunately, at risk physically, but the situation in which she lives is spiralling out of control.

Her emotional world is becoming increasingly tortured and intolerable. And because she objects to various behaviours that she senses to be fundamentally wrong, she is being blamed. She is constantly being told that her attitude, rather than the behaviours, are the source of the problem.

Yvette is desperate to manage a dysfunctional situation and remain in control of her life. Her dilemma is this: if the behaviours are unacceptable then she is vindicated? but powerless. Because they are not going to change. If her attitude is to blame, then she is, clearly, losing her grip on the situation but, theoretically at least, she has the power to improve things.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you?

Reassurance doesn't work terribly well in a situation like this, because if Yvette is right, then the situation must be worse even than she likes to think. (Actually, it's a perfect no win situation for her, because if the opposite is true and the behaviours are ok, to her that signifies she must be spiralling into mental illness.)

And so it was that I suggested to her that she get a cilice belt and a Discipline and ritually flagellate herself. I said this not because I don't care about her situation and would wish any more pain on her. I care very much and would dearly love her to be spared any further pain.

Precisely because I care, I wanted to give her a response she could work with. Reassurance wasn't going to do that for more than about 5 minutes.

She met my suggestion with stunned silence. Then she started to laugh. The image was so grotesque that it was funny. And as she laughed she translated it into terms that were meaningful to her. Suddenly she could visualise what she had been doing, unintentionally, and it became repellent to her.

Words are tremendously powerful. Words have the power to shackle and enslave you. The right words also have the power to set you on the path back to freedom and wholeness.

C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of bad relationships, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. To contact Annie email: annie@joyfulcoaching.com

For more information and free resources go to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

NOTE: You're free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

---

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create... Read More

Infidelity: Spying is NOT Revenge

Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse... Read More

The Breakdown of Relationships and Why They Fail

All females need sexual tension from a prospective or existing... Read More

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 2

Troll Detection Made EasyDue to their overwhelming lack of social... Read More

How To Quickly Turn Platonic Friends into Lovers Using The New 5-Step Jealousy Technique

I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More

Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On

So often in the bloom of a new romance we... Read More

Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic

If you don't have the time, money or energy to... Read More

Cutting the Cord

Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have... Read More

Long Distance Love

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare.... Read More

9 Myths About Being Single

More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In... Read More

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14,... Read More

What Makes The Ideal Man?

Are you looking for the Ideal Man? While my book... Read More

Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship

So often when we begin to enter into a new... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes, Part I

Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction... Read More

Passions Search for Destiny

She was haunted by a man whom she had never... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women

CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that... Read More

10 Free Romantic Gifts

Being in love does not mean that you should turn... Read More

Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up

1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

The Flames of Love

Suppose you have everything; a good job, good health, good... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

Power Struggle!

The greatest asset we have in human existence is our... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships

Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships.Information ExplosionJust... Read More

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women... Read More

African Dating - Pride and Ambition

It is no secret that African culture is known for... Read More

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? - How to fine tune your relationship radar

I don't think a week goes by that I don't... Read More

Keep the Fires Burning

The toys are put away, homework's done and the kids... Read More

Attention Guys: Impress Your Girls - Send Flowers!

Remember that big hug she gave you when you got... Read More

Communicate What You Feel: How to be Understood By Those You Love

Good communication is of fundamental importance in intimate relationships. The... Read More

Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships

I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More