What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean.
Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the person and love the person's personality, way of life, etc? Truly be comfortable with such a person? Certainly! Most of us know significant others in our lives who fall into this category. At the same time, it is possible to totally connect with a significant other and feel the butterflies every time with this person.
But the latter scenario could very much be a crush or an obsession. How do we know that our feelings don't fall into the latter group? To understand my discourse, we need to understand the various emotions at work in the different scenarios.
Firstly, the crush or obsession: One feels a crush for another person, for no good reason at all. Often, the object of the crush may not even be aware of it. It can be described as an irrational desire and/or admiration for the other person, which is totally uncalled for, or has no rational cause. Usually, this desire is almost purely physical: has to do with physical beauty, carriage, manners, smell, etc of the other person. It is a likeness from a distance, such that one has for someone whom one doesn't even speak to, or in close proximity, with someone whom one just says hello. At best, these feelings are juvenile, immature and usually manifest in the awkward years of a teenager.
The obsession, however, is a more mature form of the crush. While the crush may be teenage in origin, the obsession stems from an advanced stage of the crush, where emotions and thoughts have been nurtured continuously to an inferno. Usually, at the obsessive stage, the obsessive person has plucked up the courage to develop some little relationship with the object of his or her desire without the latter being aware of it. What makes the latter an obsession is that the object of the desire is either unaware of this desire, or doesn't appreciate it.
Now, to the crux: What is the difference between being in love and not being in love? It is the butterflies! When a relationship is still young, and both parties are starry-eyed about each other, they believe they are in love. They feel the butterflies. But true love must be tested, time and again.
Love that tests true to diverse storms and passes the true love tests may not feel the butterflies and starry-eyed-ness of the young hot couple next door, who can't take their eyes or hands off each other. When a relationship which goes through stormy times (this is a must for every relationship) and still endures, it means that the butterflies still persist. The other person still gives you a reason to hold on; still has that something; the fire, the smile, the look in their eyes, the personality, the charm to make you still hold on, despite all the ups and downs. At this level, you know that you love that person truly.
But what about the others that are really sweet and loveable people? Sure, they exist; we definitely do know them. These are people we do love, but not with the same intensity. Yes, we will miss them in our lives, if it comes down to it; yes, we will miss them like we will miss an old friend or colleague or a really dear one. This is the love we have for our family members but may not quite make the grade, when it comes to a life partner. The love you have for someone you want to make your life partner needs to be stronger than filial love, because you want to hang in there, for better or worse, till death do us part.
Understanding these core differences, immediately opens our eye of understanding to know exactly what emotions we feel and where we stand with the various loved ones in our lives.
Knowledge is NOT power; it is only empowering?.The Application of Knowledge IS power.
About The Author
Christopher Adeyemi Adetosoye is author of A Man's Guide to Finding True Love and A Woman's Guide to Finding True Love, E-books, which are currently available at http://www.trueloveguide.com; adeyemi@trueloveguide.com
Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy.... Read More
Just about every night at our house, we read a... Read More
RELATIONAL SUCCESS...Loving in the good times -- and the not-so-good... Read More
Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More
I was sitting in my sanctuary in my back yard... Read More
Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More
Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive... Read More
From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in... Read More
Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More
It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving... Read More
Are you looking for the Ideal Man? While my book... Read More
Many women mistakenly believe they need to hire a private... Read More
Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More
Over the past few months, things in my life have... Read More
Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More
When you were little, you looked up to your parents.... Read More
On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More
Q. It's been over a year since the guy I... Read More
Whether you are single or married, we all need luck... Read More
Picture, if you will, the following scene:A man and woman,... Read More
You know I am getting fed up with people who... Read More
In any group of abused women there's almost always at... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 26,... Read More
Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings,... Read More
"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More
Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic... Read More
At one time, I would have never wanted to share... Read More
Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that... Read More
"If you are trying to find ways to lead a... Read More
Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are... Read More
What is it about blondes that both sexes find so... Read More
Have you ever been at a loss to think of... Read More
What is supposed to be the most romantic day of... Read More
Consider a person very important to you. He or she... Read More
Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone... Read More
Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is... Read More
"The truth that makes men free is for the most... Read More
Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More
Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More
A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More
Many have problems with communication and using that "love" word.... Read More
Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More
Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More
Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause... Read More
Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When... Read More
I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More
Gentlemen, if you really want to seduce a woman the... Read More
As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking... Read More
>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The... Read More
My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will... Read More
In my e-book, How to Build Relationships That Stick, I... Read More
Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one... Read More
Destructive communication erodes self-esteem and harms relationships. Such communication patterns... Read More
"We don't have to wait till Valentine's Day to think... Read More
In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are... Read More
Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 19,... Read More
There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More
Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to... Read More
Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at... Read More
We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling... Read More
Men and women think differently about romance.Men are goal-oriented. They... Read More
Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our... Read More
In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More
Modern technology hasn't solved any of the problems of creating... Read More
Relationship |