Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."

People can't say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are "stuck" and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the "no." Please remember that all of us are "grabbed" by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of "being found out," the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an "acting out" episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, "I won't do it again." This will last...until the "urge" is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not "right") of the "roller coaster" and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to "work that through" in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who "used" a one-night fling with a significant person to "clear up" a particular issue.) She was free of that "urge" from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their "addiction." They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a "dual" life.

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.

If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From the Affair," visit my website.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-af fair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE

Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true... Read More

Great Relationships: Checkbook Battles and How to Solve Them

"You can't hold on to a dime. Do you own... Read More

Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons

THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More

Common Relationship Problems

The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown... Read More

How to Start a Conversation With a Woman

Last week I had the easiest pick up and seduction... Read More

What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)

RELATIONAL SUCCESS...Loving in the good times -- and the not-so-good... Read More

Taking the True Relationship Test

If you have ever read teen magazines you will be... Read More

He Still Hasnt Popped the Question - Should You Give Him an Ultimatum?

You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet... Read More

Couples - Learn to Work Together to Solve Problems

Q. There has to be some way around the continuing... Read More

Reading Body Language in Depth

Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More

Trust Starts with You

"I have a hard time trusting people.""I never feel like... Read More

Ending Relationships Gracefully

In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, "How... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

Want To Strengthen Your Relationship

Open your mouth. What do I mean? Talk ? say... Read More

Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy

Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

He Said, She Said

The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More

My Fairy Tale Is Gone

Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

A Look at Interracial Relationships

There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More

Relationship Advice: Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Spouse?

"When we marry, we don't marry one person, we marry... Read More

Proper Flower Etiquette

Flowers are great gifts for practically any occasion, but there... Read More

Getting Out... Together

So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More

Soul Mate - a Pain in the Neck

"and they lived happily ever after...That is how our favorite... Read More

Rhubarb Romance: A Little Honey Works Wonders

Spring is in the air. It is a time of... Read More

How to Get Over a Breakup

This is one of the most difficult parts of a... Read More

3 Stone Diamond Rings ? Three Times As Nice!

It is said that the stones in 3 stone diamond... Read More

How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women

CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you... Read More

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More

Men and Relationships

Ever since the women's movement began, women have empowered themselves... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships

Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships.Information ExplosionJust... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More