How to Keep a Good Employee: Look, Listen, Learn

Recently a client told me a wonderful story about how a change of attitude helped her to keep a valued employee.

Angry and grumbling about one of the provisions in the company policy, the employee asked for a private meeting with my client, the owner of a small sales company, and began to tell her in direct terms what was wrong. The client couldn't hear anything the employee was saying because she was too busy planning her own rebuttal strategy. It was important to let the employee know that the policy was a good one. On the other hand, she didn't want to lose her top sales agent. Physically, she could feel her body clenching and mentally, she was preoccupied with what she should say.

She Who Speaks First Loses.
Fortunately, she remembered an old adage from her own sales days: when you are negotiating to close the sale and you've asked for the order, it is almost always true that "the person who speaks first loses." The client thought about this, took a deep breath, and listened instead. Almost immediately she felt the physical tension drain away, and found she was really listening for the first time since the employee had started talking.

Seek First To Understand.
In Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the most well known of the habits - and perhaps most difficult to achieve in difficult moments - is the 5th Habit: Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood. My client began to ask questions to find out more of what lay behind the outburst. She became curious, wanting to know as much as she could about her employee's point of view. She grew increasingly interested, and soon it became fun to learn how the policy appeared to this person. The more she listened, the more she could see the situation through other eyes. As she sought clarity, she began to regain her own equilibrium and power. She saw that she could acknowledge and build on her employee's thoughts and at the same time speak what was true from her perspective as the company's leader.

Hard on the Problem, Soft on the People.
She heard not only the employee's words but also what motivated the message - the employee was concerned about fairness, clarity of communication, and the reputation of the company. So was she. It seemed that they were on the same side of wanting what was best for all. From this common ground, the client explained her own view of how the company policy supported clarity, fairness, and company vision, and specifically how adhering to it might support the employee in the long run. She was able to stay open to some positive suggestions for change and, in the end, to reassert her role as leader and mentor. The company owner helped to position the problem as something they could work on and solve together, and the conflict became an opportunity to reinforce their relationship and their ability to handle future challenges.

Morihei Ueshiba, 20th century martial artist, philosopher, and founder of aikido, is quoted as saying: "Opponents confront us continually, but actually there is no opponent there." It is fascinating, rewarding, and an exercise in a different kind of power, when we can turn our opponents into allies. It is one thing to think we are listening, quite another to actually do it ? to imagine ourselves in the place of the person we are listening to, and to position the issue so that it can be worked on as a mutual problem-solving endeavor. Try it. You will discover that when you have security in your own power, you will be able to step away from it temporarily and discover something even better.

© 2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training

About the Author: Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a more positive work environment. Judy is also a black belt in aikido, and is writing her first book on the connection between aikido, conflict, and living a more purposeful life. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

Note: You're welcome to reprint this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to judy@judyringer.com.

---

Innovation Management ? Reducing Hierarchy

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

How to Hire the Right People

One of the biggest challenges any business owner or manager... Read More

Knowledge Mapping

This module focuses on the basics of Knowledge Mapping, its... Read More

Profits and Business Success - 5 Profit Traps to Watch Out For

The old saying 'You have to spend money to make... Read More

Truth or Consequences: How to Give Employee Feedback

In the bestseller, Good to Great, Jim Collins discovered that,... Read More

Einstein, The Universe, And Leadership

Every since serving a hitch in the military, I have... Read More

Too Much Time Treating Symptoms

A man drives down the highway each day on his... Read More

Bye-Bye Boring Meetings! Make Yours Remarkable!

It's the middle of the night. You've woken up with... Read More

5 Questions Great Managers Ask (and they arent hard!)

However hard we try, we seem to make life more... Read More

Inspiring Loyalty and Contentment in Your Workforce

One of the first things I look at when I... Read More

Pitching to Employees

The senior flight attendant on the WestJet flight was starting... Read More

The Seven Cs: Partnership Danger Signs - The 5th C: Control Issues

A series of articles exploring the seven critical areas that... Read More

Provisioning/User Management System Upgrades: Part II ? Building Awareness And Building Approval

Somewhere in the world is a person who wants to... Read More

Executive ESP: A Pathway to Success!

We all have psychic abilities that we use daily, although... Read More

Communicating with Offsite Workers

How do you, or would you, communicate with employees who... Read More

Help Your Employees Prepare for a Performance Appraisal

PREPARING EMPLOYEES FOR THE PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL INTERVIEWS: Remind employees to... Read More

The Narcissist in the Workplace

To a narcissist-employer, the members of his "staff" are Secondary... Read More

Discover the Astonishing Power of Words Today!

Picture all the people you know who are dynamic, successful... Read More

Procrastination and JDI!

In a management role procrastination can seriously hold back progress... Read More

Proven Secrets to Keeping Your People and Increasing Your Profits

Why are people changing jobs so quickly these days?Here are... Read More

Computer Consulting 101 Hiring Tips (Part 1 of 2)

Does your business need the services of a computer consulting... Read More

Innovation Management ? Flexibility

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Change or Die! To Change Your Organization, Hire a Business Coach

It is a common business axiom ? change or die.... Read More

Office Politics

Office politics! It's just another way of saying: "The employees... Read More

Business Fit

I have been an entrepreneur for over twenty years and... Read More

Collections Management

How long does it take your customers, clients or patients... Read More

Get More Impact From Your Annual Conference

How can you get more attention for your conference and... Read More

The Leadership Imperative: Making Your Leadership Your Life

Nearly all leaders I've encountered are underachievers. They're getting a... Read More

Argue Your Way To Business Success

"Jack" (not his real name) is a vice president of... Read More

Introducing the 15 Frameworks of Successful Self-Employed Professionals

A framework is a way of thinking, a point-of-view, a... Read More

Success at Work : People Skills : Dealing with New Ideas

Re-organizing, re-engineering, re-training, down-sizing, outsourcing, changing-changing-changing. Organizations today think they... Read More

Your Appraisal System Can Be Better ? Overcome These Nine Serious Failings

This article is directed at senior managers. As a senior... Read More

Solve Problems Permanently - Ask WHY

As Albert Einstein said:-"The significant problems we face today, cannot... Read More