The Narcissist in the Workplace

To a narcissist-employer, the members of his "staff" are Secondary Sources of Narcissistic Supply. Their role is to accumulate the supply (in human speak, remember events that support the grandiose self-image of the narcissist) and to regulate the Narcissistic Supply of the narcissist during dry spells (simply put, to adulate, adore, admire, agree, provide attention and approval and so on or, in other words, be an audience). The staff (or should we say "stuff"?) is supposed to remain passive. The narcissist is not interested in anything but the simplest function of mirroring. When the mirror acquires a personality and a life of its own, the narcissist is incensed. When independent minded, an employee might be in danger of being sacked by his employer (an act which demonstrates the employer's omnipotence).

The employee's presumption to be the employer's equal (friendship is possible only among equals) injures the latter narcissistically. The employer is willing to accept his employees as underlings, whose very position serves to support his grandiose fantasies. But the grandiosity rests on such fragile foundations, that any hint of equality, disagreement or need (that the narcissist "needs" friends, for instance) threatens the narcissist profoundly. The narcissist is exceedingly insecure. It is easy to destabilise his impromptu "personality". His reactions are merely in self-defence.

Classic narcissistic behaviour is when idealisation is followed by devaluation. The devaluing attitude develops as a result of disagreements OR simply because time has eroded the employee's capacity to serve as a FRESH Source of Supply.

The employee, taken for granted by the narcissistic employer, becomes uninspiring as a source of adulation, admiration and attention. The narcissist always seeks new thrills and stimuli.

The narcissist is notorious for his low threshold of resistance to boredom. His behaviour is impulsive and his biography tumultuous precisely because of his need to introduce uncertainty and risk to what he regards as "stagnation" or "slow death" (i.e., routine). Most interactions in the workplace are part of the rut ? and thus constitute a reminder of this routine ? deflating the narcissist's grandiose fantasies.

Narcissists do many unnecessary, wrong and even dangerous things in pursuit of the stabilisation of their inflated self-image.

Narcissists feel suffocated by intimacy, or by the constant reminders of the REAL, nitty-gritty world. It reduces them, makes them realise the Grandiosity Gap (between their self-image and reality). It is a threat to the precarious balance of their personality structures (mostly "false", that is, invented) and treated as such.

Narcissists forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive dissonance. They "pathologise" the other, foster feelings of guilt and shame in her, demean, debase and humiliate in order to preserve their sense of grandiosity.

Narcissists are pathological liars. They think nothing of it because their very self is FALSE, an invention.

Here are a few useful guidelines:

Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him;

Never offer him any intimacy;

Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on);

Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity ("These are the BEST art materials ANY workplace is going to have", "We get them EXCLUSIVELY", etc.);

Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgement, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ? made a mistake here ? you don't know ? do you know ? you were not here yesterday so ? you cannot ? you should ? (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) ? I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalisation processes were derailed and they did not differentiate properly)?" You get the gist of it.

Can the narcissist be harnessed? Can his energies be channeled productively?

This would be a deeply flawed ? and even dangerous ? "advice". Various management gurus purport to teach us how to harness this force of nature known as malignant or pathological narcissism. Narcissists are driven, visionary, ambitious, exciting and productive, says Michael Maccoby, for instance. To ignore such a resource is a criminal waste. All we need to do is learn how to "handle" them.

Yet, this prescription is either naive or disingenuous. Narcissists cannot be "handled", or "managed", or "contained", or "channeled". They are, by definition, incapable of team work. They lack empathy, are exploitative, envious, haughty and feel entitled, even if such a feeling is commensurate only with their grandiose fantasies. Narcissists dissemble, conspire, destroy and self-destruct. Their drive is compulsive, their vision rarely grounded in reality, their human relations a calamity. In the long run, there is no enduring benefit to dancing with narcissists ? only ephemeral and, often, fallacious, "achievements".

About The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory Bellaonline, and Suite101 .

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com; palma@unet.com.mk

---

Managing Employees Is A Little Like Herding Cats

Q: I started my small business about a year ago... Read More

Morale Boosters: Feed the Troops First

When economic conditions turn tough or when the heavy work... Read More

Recognition: A Quick, Low-cost Way to Motivate Employees

Recognizing good performance through praise or other positive action is... Read More

One Thing You Cant Hide

One of the most important of all motivators at work... Read More

The Top 5 Signals That Your Business Is Running You

Starting your own business is a great undertaking but running... Read More

Innovation Management ? Flexibility

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Disaster Prevention Tips For Hiring A New Manager

It happens over and over in businesses every day.Within large... Read More

Selecting a Business Broker or Intermediary to Help You Sell Your Business

As crazy as it seems, some people spend more time... Read More

CEO: The Key To Fix ingThe Marketing/Sales Collaboration Problem

We all know that achieving better alignment, synergy and cooperation... Read More

Innovation Management ? Emotion, Habit, and Culture can be Hard to Change!

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Develop Your People and Make More Money

What is the no. 1 asset in your business beside... Read More

Lateral Thinking, Logical Thinking, Applied Creativity

Certain processes enhance creative output and others enhance innovative output.... Read More

ISO 9001 What Records Does My Business Need To Keep?

Which documents must I keep for ISO 9001?In addition to... Read More

Todays Employees and Their New Needs: What You Need to Know

Today's employees are not only interested in security or in... Read More

Its All In The Systems

Have you ever noticed french fries taste the same at... Read More

DIVERSITY is a BIG word -- With A HUGE Business IMPACT

Second thought! Just in case. YOU or someone you personally... Read More

Why Business Owners Need Security

The main reason is to stop any potential lawsuits from... Read More

Internal Communication: 12 Essential Elements

There are 12 essential elements of a successful internal communications... Read More

Delegate or Die!

You Can't Do It All - Learning To DelegateThere is... Read More

The ?Better People? Fallacy

It's easy enough to convince your own staff that better... Read More

How To Turn Business Losses Into Cash Flow

When the typical new business operator starts a business, they... Read More

Twitch Speed: Reaching Younger Workers Who Think Differently

Every parent, educator, and manager knows that "Nintendo children"--those born... Read More

To Thine Own Self Be True--Its Better for Business: What Arthur Andersen Would Say to His Company

As a child, you probably heard, "to thine own self... Read More

Innovation Management ? how will we make the go or kill decisions?

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Use QA As Your First Step To Outsourcing

Quality Assurance, or QA, is often given short shrift in... Read More

Tales from the Corporate Frontlines: Coworker and Caretaker

This article relates to the Coworkers competency, commonly evaluated in... Read More

Keep Your Good Workers by Building Good Leaders

A recent report from the American Hospital Association's Commission on... Read More

Motor Vehicle Policy and Your Employee Risks

It is becoming more common for employers to require employees... Read More

Is ISO 9001 2000 Right For My Business?

Firstly you should decide your own reasoning behind considering ISO... Read More

What Makes a Crisis a Crisis?

If you're old enough and were living in America about... Read More

The 5 Obsessions of a Passionate Employee

A recent report entitled "How Google Grows?and Grows?and Grows" stated... Read More

Think Time... Its Now Or Never

I recently read an article published in the June, 2005... Read More

Nine Steps to Help You Develop Your Potential

Go into any bookstore and you will find a big... Read More