Why People Dont Listen... and Some Fun Things You Can Do About It

It's frustrating when your co-workers, audience members, teenager or even your dog (!) won't listen. While you can't control how they receive what you say, you can control how you send it. Here are a few tips on why people don't listen and what you can do to change it.

1. Short Attention Spans

When asked to guess the average adult attention span, most people say around thirty minutes. According to statistics, however, the average adult attention span is actually only seven seconds. That's right! Every seven seconds you go away somewhere. You think about something else. In fact, you could actually be taking a mental break right now! It is a normal part of how the brain integrates external stimuli like when your computer starts defragging for a moment while you type. It helps to pause from time to time when you speak. This allows people to integrate your information or ask a clarifying question. Also, include examples to anchor your concepts. For example (see--I'm doing it now!), a concept without an example is like tree without roots, a house without a foundation, or Sonny without Cher. It just doesn't have as much staying power.

2. Too Many Distractions

I was in a meeting the other day and five people coughed, four people side talked, three cell phones rang, two people went to the restroom, and a partridge did email on his PDA. Distractions are a big part of modern life. Your best bet is to acknowledge the distractions in a playful way such as a manager who recently led a meeting I attended. When a cell phone rang, he grabbed for it and said, "Oh, that's for me?.my mother likes to check in on me from time to time". That prompted everyone to turn off their phones.

3. Lack of Training

Few of us were formally taught how to listen. While you probably took Reading 8, Writing 11, did you ever take Listening 10? It's little wonder listening is challenging. Quite accidentally, I learned how to listen by practicing meditation. After a five-day retreat, I felt very light-hearted and so went to visit my aging father who was hard of hearing. My habit was to sit vacantly for hours while he complained about his arthritis, the error on his bank statement, and how hard it is to find good slippers. After this retreat, I surprised myself by totally paying attention to him with patience and compassion. After about ten minutes of complaining he suddenly changed tracks and started telling me fascinating and funny stories about his childhood. Then he cranked up his hearing aid and asked about me! Learn how to be present with people, give them your full, undivided attention and be ready for some pleasant surprises.

4. Language Barriers

It is no secret that the world of business is fast becoming a multicultural world. Although English is the default language of commerce, many people in your audience may speak English as a second language. Last month I was addressing a large insurance company where most attendees turned out to be new immigrants from China. I used the expression "getting jiggy with it", and I saw people rifling through their dictionaries. This prompted me to say "I'm sorry, that went way over your head", and a number of people looked up at the ceiling! If your listeners are ESL or have a more basic educational background, you need to simplify your language. Use much more literal descriptions rather than cultural expressions. Use facial and body language to express humor, and fewer words.

5. Unchecked Assumptions

Back in the 70s, Gilda Radner a comedienne who regularly performed on Saturday Night Live was well known for her popular character Emily Litella, a social activist with a hearing problem. Her causes included such important issues as violins on television, soviet jewelry and endangered feces. Believe it or not, those Emily Litella types can be found in your audiences. For example, I once told a story about my mother who was a secretary for the British Civil Service in WWII. She spent most of her time daydreaming that her boss would burst into the room and ask her to spy against the Germans. She could leave the nasty paperwork behind, don a disguise and become the next Mata Hari. Needless to say, one day her boss did burst into the room but instead he fired her for daydreaming all the time. A woman approached me after this story and told me that she used to be a Hari Krishna, too. One way to clear up false assumptions is to state your point in many different ways.

6. No Reason to Listen

Finally, the main reason people don't listen is because you haven't answered their favorite question: "What's in it for me?" Before you start a long-winded monologue, tell your listener why you need their attention and make sure they understand how it will be benefit them. For example, "I'd like to tell you about this free software that will block all the spam before it gets to your Inbox ?interested?" That will give you much better results than "When I was a youngster and I sat down in front of my first computer, I asked myself how can I make this machine work for me?" In general, put yourself in your listener's shoes before you talk and their ears tend to perk up.

And just remember the greatest of all wisdom--no one ever listened himself out of a new friendship.

Carla Rieger
Copyright 2005 Yes Education Systems

Carla Rieger is an expert on the artistry of change. You can reach her at http://www.carlarieger.com or at 1-866-294-2988. Carla uses proven secrets from the world of artistry to help your organization becoming a leader of innovation. She has been a professional speaker, trainer, facilitator and performance storyteller since the mid-80s. She is the director of Yes Education Systems, a creative communications and creative consulting firm since 1991. She has written three critically acclaimed manuals, Managing Change with a sense of humor, Speaking on the Funny Side of the Brain and The Heart of Presenting, in addition to many articles in trade journals and magazines. She has taught thousands to unlock the funny side of their brains, and to mine negativity both within and without for the key innovative solutions. Her work has been featured on radio, TV and many publications. She founded several theatre groups including Mad Cow Productions, Vancouver Playback Theatre and Mythic Cafe. She also wrote, produced and performed a one-woman show, Dancing Between Worlds.

---

Listening Between the Lines

Have you seen the tee-shirt with the slogan, "Talk to... Read More

In 2005 Collaboration is Key

Perhaps you're a small business owner wondering how you and... Read More

How the P.R.I.D.E. Team Changed my Call Center

Several years ago I took an assignment as a Manager... Read More

Communication between franchisees in a franchise system

If you own a franchise you would be wise to... Read More

Motivating Teams

Introduction:Working with teams, whether as leader of a single team... Read More

Building Teams

Young minds are quite easy to shape. International Terrorist recruiters... Read More

Recruiting Government Workers As Franchisees

Many believe a leaner government promotes better freedoms with respect... Read More

Dealing with People that Drive You Crazy!

We all know someone who just drives us batty. Perhaps... Read More

Marche, or How Teams Work.

On the trail in Northern Canada "Marche" was the word... Read More

Finding The Leader Within (Keys To Zen Leadership)

Most believe that leadership is an innate quality that some... Read More

Station Teams: Assembly Required

Too often teams aren't assembled. They just happen. A project... Read More

Motivating Your Employees

CREATE A MOTIVATIONAL CLIMATE: Create a climate where others find... Read More

Book Summary: The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player

A follow-up companion reader to The 17 Indisputable Laws of... Read More

Leadership, Genuine, Meaningful and Productive

One of the best lessons I have learned is the... Read More

Hand Out Warm Glows

Do you remember how you felt after your last interaction... Read More

4 Tips for Keeping a Team Motivated

Companies often have incentives for reps, but sometimes that isn't... Read More

Grow Your Staff into a Team of Creative Problem Solvers

As a manager, your employees will come to you with... Read More

Working with Difficult People: 3 Questions to Help You Turn Your Tormentors into Teachers

The Dance of ConflictWhen faced with the prospect of meeting... Read More

You are Excused from Training

Trainers, please picture this... You are presenting in a new... Read More

Putting the I in Team

This sports cliche is a memorable phrase that reminds people... Read More

Your Administration Team - Look After Them

In most organisations the administration/support team, although they can be... Read More

Working as a Winning Team

It's a great sunny day so it's time to get... Read More

Teaming - How to Build a Team

Team building takes work but the results are worth it.... Read More

Top Ten Things About Team Building

People who lead the best teams realise early on that... Read More

How to be Healthier and Happier In Your Organisation

Did you know your work environment can actually make you... Read More

Cross-Cultural Communication: Grin and Jump In!

Multiculturalism is a reality in North America and for those... Read More

Virtual Team Work

At a time when many companies are scaling down their... Read More

Seven Keys to More Effectively Leading Teams

Maybe you find yourself in a new team environment and... Read More

Team Development in the Little Leagues

A grassy field, two nets, a soccer ball and some... Read More

Winning Teams on the Football Field and in the Office

Teams, teams, teams. They're all the rage these days. Whether... Read More

Functioning in a Dysfunctional Workplace

Sometimes the greatest challenges lay not within the actions of... Read More

Team Work - A Challenge of Character

Over the years there has been much ado about team... Read More

Teamwork in the Workplace: A Definition

A tight knit team is a group of competent individuals... Read More