Is Your Company in Need of Family Therapy?

How Companies Are Like Families

Like a family, a company is a group of people who have an ongoing relationship with one another. Companies have several things in common with families:

1. Families have distinct ways of communicating and degrees of togetherness. For example:

? Communication may be overt or covert.

? Relationships tend to be enmeshed (too close; overly involved) or disengaged (not at all close; uninvolved).

? Boundaries may be described as diffuse (extreme togetherness), rigid (extreme separateness), or clear (ideal and appropriate).

2. There are unwritten rules which family members or employees must follow in order to survive and thrive in the system. For example, in an organization, the rules might be:

? Never call the boss by her first name.

? Always be at your desk by 8:00 A.M.

? Never eat lunch with a person of lower status.

? Don't place any personal items on your desk or credenza.

3. Unresolved issues from the past have an effect on current functioning and communication patterns.

For example: After an emotional event such as a major strike, employees need time to process their feelings. Family therapy following a disruptive event like this would heal such wounds much more quickly.

Four Dynamics That We Bring to Work from Home

We learn to relate to people first in our families of origin. We learn to trust, communicate, listen, cooperate, and share before we reach our tenth birthday. When we join a company, we bring those abilities with us. And every work team in every company becomes a place where family dynamics play themselves out, for better or worse. Every member of every work team brings the following kinds of dynamics from home:

1. A preference for independence and autonomy vs. dependence and control For example: Some people are most comfortable in a closely supervised work situation and prefer to have everything clearly spelled out. Others find such an atmosphere suffocating and seek an environment where they are left to their own devices.

2. The ability to recognize and respond to appropriate vs. inappropriate boundaries For example: Some companies expect employees to demonstrate extreme loyalty and openness to those within the company. This atmosphere may feel comfortable to someone from a family with similar boundaries, but inappropriate to another person.

3. The ability to communicate with others effectively. This includes: ? Stating opinions and expectations overtly vs. covertly

? Demonstrating listening skills

? Asking for clarification when needed

? Speaking assertively

? Showing respect for others

Using effective communication skills requires strong self-esteem. This may be impossible for a person from a family where such communication was never modeled. A person who learned covert, aggressive, disrespectful communication patterns would not be successful in a work group where the preceding, effective behavior is expected.

4. Demonstrating the ability to trust others When employees do not trust one another, team functioning is threatened. Empowerment and motivation are maximized when people trust each other.

Signs of Dysfunction

How can you tell if a work group (or a family) is not healthy? Here are some signs of dysfunction:

1. Attendance: Excessive absenteeism and high turnover correlate to family members responding to dysfunction by becoming emotionally distant and running away.

2. Sabotage: When employees feel unable to express their feelings and opinions, they sometimes resort to acting them out by violating rules, sabotaging the company, or by displaying other passive-aggressive behaviors.

For example: In a large company, an employee recently shared a confidential, sensitive memo with a friend who worked for a competitor. The memo became front-page headlines.

3. Substance abuse: Employees feeling excessive stress at work may respond as they would in a family, by abusing substances at work or after hours.

4. Overachieving: Companies with very high expectations may create employees who routinely produce miracles. This may look admirable to an outsider, but it can produce burnout among the employees. This dynamic resembles the family that looks perfect from the outside, but is in fact severely dysfunctional.

5. Underachieving: Employees who feel unappreciated or abused may respond by producing substandard results at work, just as such family members do at home. For example: Most stores today have sales associates who act as if the customer is an interruption. These employees appear to have no interest in the success of the company.

6. Emotional or physical abuse: In some organizations, employees are routinely subjected to emotional or even physical abuse. These are obviously examples of severe dysfunction, just as they are when they occur in a family. For example: There have recently been several reports of physical and emotional abuse in the military.

7. Double bind: Some work teams have an atmosphere in which employees feel "damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Strategies for Resolving Problems

Following an assessment, the following family therapy interventions may help the employees of a dysfunctional company relate with one another in a healthier and more productive way.

1. Teach employees the following communication and problem-solving skills:

? How to define problems in a nonblaming way

? How to listen with empathy

? How to make requests assertively

? How to brainstorm solutions

2. Help employees identify themes and company (family) myths. Explore those that may be discussed and challenged, as well as those that may not.

3. Triangulation is the process where two people side against a third. Teach employees to manage conflict by teaching them how to avoid triangulation.

4. Where a work team shows signs of being disengaged, help employees build stronger relationships and communication patterns. Use team-building techniques to accomplish this.

5. Where the system is enmeshed, help the employees strengthen boundaries and increase autonomy. Team-building exercises can be helpful here, too.

6. Teach supervisors how to manage employees more effectively through regular supervisory skills training. Just as parents benefit from parenting skills training, supervisors need similar instruction. Supervisory training should address the following skills:

? How to demonstrate effective listening skills

? How to encourage open communication among team members

? How to empower team members by setting effective goals

? How to encourage creativity and initiative

? How to resolve conflict in a healthy and productive manner

The goal of such interventions is to energize employees by teaching them new ways to relate to one another.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

---

Character: Is It Necessary In Leadership? (Part One)

We know character when we see it, but what exactly... Read More

5 Steps to Continuous Process Improvement

Part One of Creating Well-Defined Processes SeriesWhat if your sales... Read More

Making Your Workers Your Partners

There is an inherent conflict between owners and managers of... Read More

Communicate To The Four Main Personality Types

You probably know this already, but there are generally held... Read More

OJT - On The Job Training

IntroductionManagers have two powerful ways of improving the performance and... Read More

One Simple Idea to Grow Your Business

Perhaps the most common theme I've heard in working with... Read More

Unravelling the Data Mining Mystery - The Key to Dramatically Higher Profits

Data mining is the art of extracting nuggets of gold... Read More

How Your Feelings and Those of Your Employees Can Make The Difference

How we feel is really more important than what we... Read More

The Seven Cs: Partnership Danger Signs - The 4th C: Cumulative Money Problems

A series of articles exploring the seven critical areas that... Read More

Innovation Management ? Rigorous data analysis

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Delegate or Die!

You Can't Do It All - Learning To DelegateThere is... Read More

Selecting A Collection Agency

If you run a business, you are sure to have... Read More

Take the Easy Route - Delegate

It was 2.30 am. It was cold and dark and... Read More

Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use

What IS assertive communication? Assertive communication is the... Read More

Creativity and Innovation Management ? Money Doesnt Do It

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Let the Intern Do It - Affordable Help for Your Business

Do you have more projects than time? Help might be... Read More

Dont Get Caught With Your PR Down

Why risk the embarassment when with a little basic PR... Read More

Jack Welch--Success Is Getting Back Up on the Horse

A few months ago I had the opportunity to spend... Read More

The Supervisors 14 Essential Truths For Communicating With Direct Reports

One amazing, but sadly true, fact of today's advances in... Read More

How to Prepare for Your Companys Financial Future

Sooner or later, most business owners need to look for... Read More

Creativity and Innovation Management - Turning Ideas into Action

The phrase "turning ideas into action" is a Russian doll.Managing... Read More

Toxic Bosses

What's everyone's favorite topic around the water cooler? Bad bosses!... Read More

Creativity and Innovation Management: Goal Setting

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Small Business Outsourcing: An Introduction

Outsourcing is the delegation of a business process to an... Read More

Quick Tip - Effective Meetings Earn a Profit

Most people treat meetings as a free resource that can... Read More

How to Set Up a Conference Call

The methods in which you set up a conference call... Read More

Innovation Management ? IBM Opens Lid On Its Treasure Chest

IBM, which registered 3248 patents last year, has decided that... Read More

Performance Reviews That Actually Improve Performance

Employee performance reviews are one of the most dreaded tasks... Read More

What to do When You receive a Bad Check

As a small business operator, personal checks may be one... Read More

The New Five Truths of Employee Motivation

Motivation is a term that is so widely used, yet... Read More

Problem-Solving Success Tip: Use Your Time for Problems that are Truly Important

Use your time for problems that are truly important.Hard as... Read More

3 Keys to Being a Fearless Executive

In my work with business executives, I have come to... Read More

Quick Tip - Effective Meetings Have SMART Goals

The first step in planning an agenda is to identify... Read More