Setting a Pitiful Example: Twenty-six Warnings to Heed *

TO: All Parents [and Employers and Managers]

From: Your Child and/or Employee

Date: The present time

Re: Don't Spoil me; Teach Me

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.

2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it lets me know where I stand.

3. Don't use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts; I will respond more readily to being led.

4. Don't be inconsistent. It confuses me and makes me try harder to get away with everything that I can.

5. Don't make promises you cannot keep them. It will discourage my trust in you.

6. Don't fall for my provocations when I say and do things just to upset you. Then I will try for more such "victories".

7. Don't be too upset when I say, "I hate you". I don't mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.

8. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot".

9. Don't do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby and I may continue to put you in my service.

10. Don't correct me in front of people. I'll take much more notice when you talk quietly with me in private.

11. Don't try to discuss my behavior in the heat of conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse. It's all right to take the action required, but let's not talk about it until later.

12. Don't try to preach to me. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong.

13. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I am no good.

14. Don't nag. When you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

15. Don't demand explanations for my wrong behavior. I really don't know why I did it.

16. Don't tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.

17. Don't forget that I love and use experimenting. I learn from it; so put up with it.

18. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. I may learn to enjoy poor health when it gets me much attention.

19. Don't protect me from consequences. I need your guidance to learn from my experiences.

20. Don't put me off when I ask honest questions. When you continue to do so, you'll find that I'll stop asking and start seeking my information elsewhere.

21. Don't answer my "silly" or meaningless questions. I just want you to keep busy with me.

22. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.

23. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too much to live up to.

24. Don't worry about the little amount of time we spend together. It is HOW we spend it that counts.

25. Don't let my fears arouse your anxiety; then I shall be afraid. Show me courage instead.

26. Don't forget that I can't thrive without lots of understanding and encouragement. But I don't need to tell you that, do I?

Treat me with respect the way you treat your friends, then I'll be your respectful friend, too. I learn more from a model than from a critic.

Remember: When you maximize your potential, everyone wins. When you don't, we all lose.

* Adapted from Memorandum from Your Child, author anonymous.

--

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on web sites provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Email notice of intent to publish is appreciated but not required. Mail to: eagibbs@ureach.com

Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts seminars, lectures, and writes articles on his theme: "... helping you maximize your potential." He offers a free health survey at http://eagibbs.usana.com; free state tourism guides at http://www.ExecutiveAndGroupTravel.com; and travel updates at http://www.executiveandgrouptravel.blogspot.c om. Reach him at eagibbs@ureach.com or at 502-386-1175.

---

The Importance of Business Goals

For you to get where you want to go, there... Read More

How to Create an Operations Manual

An operations manual can act as a tool for training... Read More

Recruitment - Pick People Who Think

Old style management doesn't encourage personal mind control, employees aren't... Read More

Delegate or Die!

You Can't Do It All - Learning To DelegateThere is... Read More

5 Ideas To Leverage The 3 Stages Of Career Development In Your Organization

In most industrialized nations, the average age a student graduates... Read More

Preparing For ISO 9001 2000 Registration

The steps need to be taken to prepare an organization... Read More

Knowledge Mapping

This module focuses on the basics of Knowledge Mapping, its... Read More

Allan Kempert Discovers That Truly All You Gotta Do Is Ask

A year or so ago, I met Allan Kempert. Allan... Read More

Solving the Problem Solving Problem

The meeting started like a hundred others before. There were... Read More

Management Procedures Usability ? How to Improve

Are your people consistently following your procedures? Each year, organizations... Read More

Cold Water Comments - What They Are and How to Manage Them!

Cold Water Comments - What They Are and How to... Read More

Tales from the Corporate Frontlines: Coworker and Caretaker

This article relates to the Coworkers competency, commonly evaluated in... Read More

Influencing Change - A Guide for Sellers, Coaches, and Supervisors

When people or groups make a decision to purchase something,... Read More

Summertime Blues

It's hard to believe the year will be half over... Read More

Got A Meeting Planned? Ask This Question

Meetings ? they are a fact of our business lives.... Read More

How To Decrease Profits Without Really Trying

Hurting your sales efforts can be accomplished easily with the... Read More

Let the Intern Do It - Affordable Help for Your Business

Do you have more projects than time? Help might be... Read More

How to Beat the Turf Mentality

Want to hear a fascinating story? Let's sit in at... Read More

Innovation Management ? Innovation or Profit?

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Tales from the Corporate Frontlines: Ideas for Everyday Training

This article relates to the Training competency, commonly evaluated in... Read More

To Meet or Not to Meet - What are the Questions?

Meetings can be a total waste of time or a... Read More

Real Costs in Distribution and What it Means To Your Company

Ever feel that all the lawyers in thh Country need... Read More

The 5 Things Great Managers Sense about their People, Every Day

Using all of your senses, to help you test how... Read More

Are you NICE or do you CARE?

Are you NICE or do you CARE? ... Read More

Hire People For What They Do Best

I recently flew from Seattle to Atlanta, I realized, just... Read More

Why You Should Hold One More Meeting

If you are completely happy with where you and your... Read More

Resistance - How to Handle It

Do you ever meet with resistance from other people -... Read More

Managing Yo-Yo Style

Does being managed by others smack more of "Survivor" than... Read More

Keep Your Good Workers by Building Good Leaders

A recent report from the American Hospital Association's Commission on... Read More

Presenteeism: The Hidden Costs of Business

(prez.un.TEE.iz.um) nPresenteeism, a relatively unknown concept, is the complement of... Read More

Are You the Culprit?

Are you a business, non-profit or association manager who pretty... Read More

Why People Resist Us

There's a one-word reason most ideas never see the light... Read More

Data Delivers Credibility

Over the past couple of days I've been setting up... Read More