Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Things to Stop Doing Right Away

1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make your teen-ager do

It doesn't work. When our kids are infants, we are in total charge. Between ages 3 to 13, kids still really like us, and often will go along with what we want.

However, from 13 on they realize they are as big as we are, and they can really do a lot of what they want. So, stop focusing on what you are going to make them do and start focusing on what you are going to do. How you are going to respond to what they do; what you will give and what you will withhold; how you are going to model good choices for them. Focus on what you are going to do, because it's the only thing you can really control.

2. STOP lecturing

You didn't listen when your parents did it, so what makes you think your kids are going to listen to you?

The same information can be conveyed over time in short bursts. Keep it short and sweet. One of the best places to do the short and sweet stuff is while riding in the car. You have a captive audience, and you are both looking ahead and not staring at each other.

3. STOP using adultisms

We commit an adultism when we forget what it's like to be a teen -- to think and reason and experience the world as a teen -- and expect a teen-ager, who has never been an adult, to think, act, reason and experience the world like an adult.

4. STOP grounding or restricting them for long periods of time

By long I mean, except for the most enormous of infractions, any longer than two weeks. For adults, two weeks is like a snap of the fingers -- gone. For most teens, two weeks seems like forever, which causes diminishing positive results the longer the grounding. Consequences need to be strong enough to get their attention, swift enough after the infraction to have an effect, and short-term so they can have another chance to do better soon.

5. STOP trying to reason with them about the rules

Here is one event I can guarantee will never happen in your household: You explain a rule or why you said no to your teen-ager, and they respond with, "Well, thank you, Mom and Dad, I never thought of it that way, and now that you have explained it that way to me, I no longer want to go to the movies with David, I feel bad for asking, and I think I'll just go to bed early and think about the wisdom you just shared with me."

There are still times when "because I said so" is the best thing you can say.

6. STOP making every issue a battle for control

If every issue is a battle for control, your teen will make every issue a battle for independence. Remember, trying to control a teen-ager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla -it's just going to frustrate you and make the gorilla very mad.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

---

I Dont Believe in ADHD

O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More

Attaboy! Encouraging Phrases That Build Confidence

Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Driving and Having a Car is a Privilege, Not a Right

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year... Read More

Will My Doubts and Fears Affect My Child?

"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More

When Parents Disagree

Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More

My Husband Prioritizes Making Money Above Family Time

"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More

Aptitude, Achievement, Processing Deficit - What Does It All Mean?

You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More

From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids

How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More

Teaching Problem Solving Skills to Children with ADHD

Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More

Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills

Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More

Secrets from the Classroom: Avoiding Summer Learning Loss

In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More

Honey I Can?t Afford The Kids

Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More

Your Big Yellow Bus

The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Responding to a Poor Progress Report in School

Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

Stop Lying NOW

Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying... Read More

15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents

Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More

Why Fathers Are Such a Necessary Component in the Raising of Their Children.

The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More

Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States

How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More

The ABCs of Raising Twins

As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More

Create Your Dream Family

There has been much attention in the media of late... Read More

Discipline on My Mind

I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More

Some Tips for Healthy Parenting

Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More

Childrens Safety in Public Places - 10 Useful Tips

My kids ask me all the time to take them... Read More

Ultimate Airplane Themed Games & Activities for your Childs Birthday Party

Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius - Developing Leadership Qualities

Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made.... Read More

Discipline

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More

Ritalin (Methylphenidate) in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More

Tracking Your Child Progress

As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More