1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make your teen-ager do
It doesn't work. When our kids are infants, we are in total charge. Between ages 3 to 13, kids still really like us, and often will go along with what we want.
However, from 13 on they realize they are as big as we are, and they can really do a lot of what they want. So, stop focusing on what you are going to make them do and start focusing on what you are going to do. How you are going to respond to what they do; what you will give and what you will withhold; how you are going to model good choices for them. Focus on what you are going to do, because it's the only thing you can really control.
2. STOP lecturing
You didn't listen when your parents did it, so what makes you think your kids are going to listen to you?
The same information can be conveyed over time in short bursts. Keep it short and sweet. One of the best places to do the short and sweet stuff is while riding in the car. You have a captive audience, and you are both looking ahead and not staring at each other.
3. STOP using adultisms
We commit an adultism when we forget what it's like to be a teen -- to think and reason and experience the world as a teen -- and expect a teen-ager, who has never been an adult, to think, act, reason and experience the world like an adult.
4. STOP grounding or restricting them for long periods of time
By long I mean, except for the most enormous of infractions, any longer than two weeks. For adults, two weeks is like a snap of the fingers -- gone. For most teens, two weeks seems like forever, which causes diminishing positive results the longer the grounding. Consequences need to be strong enough to get their attention, swift enough after the infraction to have an effect, and short-term so they can have another chance to do better soon.
5. STOP trying to reason with them about the rules
Here is one event I can guarantee will never happen in your household: You explain a rule or why you said no to your teen-ager, and they respond with, "Well, thank you, Mom and Dad, I never thought of it that way, and now that you have explained it that way to me, I no longer want to go to the movies with David, I feel bad for asking, and I think I'll just go to bed early and think about the wisdom you just shared with me."
There are still times when "because I said so" is the best thing you can say.
6. STOP making every issue a battle for control
If every issue is a battle for control, your teen will make every issue a battle for independence. Remember, trying to control a teen-ager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla -it's just going to frustrate you and make the gorilla very mad.
Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
Peaceful Parenting® ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More
It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
In my opinion, these things matter...1. Enjoying childlike delights before... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of... Read More
Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More
There may really be a real monster under your kidâ??s... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More
If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country.... Read More
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
Do you have a high maintenance child?"Thank goodness my second... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More
Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More
Parenting |