Teach Your Children How To Resolve Conflict Without Using Anger Or Power

Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is perhaps the biggest challenge facing adults today. Children's disagreements both at home and at school can be noisy, physical and psychologically hurtful. The approach to conflict resolution learned and practised in childhood often stays for life.

Conflict is part of daily living. Effective people resolve conflict in ways that protect relationships, honour feelings and lead to a resolution. They neither avoid conflict nor do they use power to dominate others or win conflict.

It is useful for parents to provide a process for children to resolve individual differences peacefully and effectively. When two children have a disagreement that is upsetting to one or either then they may need adult assistance to resolve the conflict. One process that is both easy to learn and highly effective is the Face-Up conflict resolution process that is a variation on some common processes in use.

In the Face-up process children face each other and maintain eye contact. This helps for greater openness and understanding. It generally requires an adult to be present as a third party so parents may need to stick around to make sure it works effectively.

The steps involved in the Face-up process:

1. Safety first: To ensure safety and integrity it is important that both children are calm. Give them time and some help to regain control if they are angry or upset.

2. Feelings second: Using I-messages children tell each other how they feel about the situation. "I feel awful when you don't share your toys. I really feel like losing it because it is not fair." Focus on the feelings and don't let it get into recriminations or accusations.

3. Repeat third: Sometimes this process is enough to get a resolution or at least an apology. Repeat this procedure if necessary so both children feel they have been heard.

4. Resolve fourth: State the problem as you see it or as children identify it. Sometimes children just want to state their case and they will make their own suggestion about resolving it. "You can play with my old toys but I don't want you playing with my new toys for a while. They're special." "Okay."

5. Make-up fifth: An apology or an agreement is often enough however sometimes damage may need to be repaired or a follow-up talk from a parent about better behaviour may be appropriate.

Teaching children some simple rules for resolving conflict and a process such as the one above may well be one of the best investments in time and energy that a parent will make.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.

For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

---

Grandparents! Help Your Grandkids Do Math!

This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More

STOP Parental Alienation Syndrome before It Gets a Chance to START

Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More

Kids, Chores & More

Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More

Childrens Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?

Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives... Read More

How To Help Your Child Learn

Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More

What is Prenatal Intelligence?

Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More

Homeschool Socialization - Developing Your Homeschool Childs Social Skills

Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More

How Much Water are You Wasting?

Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider... Read More

Drugs and Violence In Public Schools

Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child

Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More

How Public Schools Lie to Parents and Betray Our Children

Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More

A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights?

Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More

Teach Your Child About Money

What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More

Adolescence - Clues and Advice

Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More

Watch What You Say

"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More

Naming Your Baby Is Part of The Challenge of Being a Parent

Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More

Delightful Defrazzlers

I will cherish this moment. I will not let it... Read More

How to Find The Best Time To Be With Your Kids

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More

Book Review: The Ring Bear Depicts Turmoil of Becoming A Stepchild

In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More

Helping Your Child Make and Keep Friends

What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More

Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More

CPR: Why You Should Know It

I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More

Bedtime and Sleep Habits

Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More

Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children

"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More

Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More

A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?

Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More

THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For

Today the little red school house is not what it... Read More

More Water, Not Less, Will Help End Bedwetting

Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More

Shopping with Children

Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More

Dads, Give them Household Chores

You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More

Children?s Birthday Party Planning: When and When Not to Have a Big Party

Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More

Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!

Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More

10 Things You Can Do To Help A Shy Child

There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More