Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:

1. Model emotional intelligence yourself

Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are, and they see whether you're aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others.

2. Be willing to say "no" to your kids

There's a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren't very happy.

3. Be aware of your parental "hotspots"

Know what your issues are-what makes you come unglued and what's this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is so you're less likely to come unglued when you're with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn't make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal with.

4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental

Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, "he seems angry," rather than, "what a jerk." When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like, "you seem sad," will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of the feelings they're experiencing will only drive them underground and make them stronger.

5. Start coaching your kids

When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching them to help them to be more responsible. Instead of "get your hat and gloves," you can ask, "what do you need to be ready for school?" Constantly telling your kids what to do does not help them to develop confidence and responsibility.

6. Always be willing to be part of the problem

See yourself as having something to do with every problem that comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when parents respond to them in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.

7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age

Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores from an early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why? From an early age, they're made to feel they are an important part of the family. Kids want to belong and to feel like they're valuable.

8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania

Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about consumerism, sarcasm, and violence. What your kids learn from you and from free play with others will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.

9. Talk about feelings as a family

State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc. Families that talk about their goals are more likely to be aware of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you then have to "walk the talk."

10. See your kids as wonderful

There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the universe is, "what you think about expands." If you see your child and think about them as wonderful, you'll get a lot of "wonderful." If you think about your child as a problem, you'll get a lot of problems.

Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high "EQ" is even better. Make these ten ideas daily habits and you'll give your kids the best chance possible to be happy, productive, and responsible adults.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

---

What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators

Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More

Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?

"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

Teach Your Child About Money

What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More

His Toy, Her Toy

I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her... Read More

Whos Your Daddy? How to be a Great Dad in 5 to 7 Minutes

I am a dad. I have been now for over... Read More

Spending Time With Your Child

Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More

Friends Are A Gift You Give Yourself

My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More

Study Skills - How Can YOU Help Your Kids?

Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More

Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More

How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader

Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More

First Year With Twins - A Father?s Point Of View

People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More

Stress is No Kiddy Matter

Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More

Unschooling - the Benefits of Home Based Education

Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation

Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More

Blended Families Can Be Successful

Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More

Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Blackmail

Family decision-making is an intriguing phenomenon. Many factors become part... Read More

Finding Out Your Child Has a Disability: Its Not the end of the World

Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 8 Things You Need to Be Doing

Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More

Teaching Problem Solving Skills to Children with ADHD

Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More

God Dont Like Rich People

I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More

Coping With Colic

Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike,... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)

I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Reading, Writing, Rithmetic -- and Recess!

Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country.... Read More

Spanking Children

Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More

Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More

Parents/Teens and Money ? 5 Ideas for Keeping the Peace

Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More

Child Abuse - Survey & Comments

Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More

Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More