Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:

1. Model emotional intelligence yourself

Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are, and they see whether you're aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others.

2. Be willing to say "no" to your kids

There's a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren't very happy.

3. Be aware of your parental "hotspots"

Know what your issues are-what makes you come unglued and what's this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is so you're less likely to come unglued when you're with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn't make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal with.

4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental

Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, "he seems angry," rather than, "what a jerk." When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like, "you seem sad," will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of the feelings they're experiencing will only drive them underground and make them stronger.

5. Start coaching your kids

When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching them to help them to be more responsible. Instead of "get your hat and gloves," you can ask, "what do you need to be ready for school?" Constantly telling your kids what to do does not help them to develop confidence and responsibility.

6. Always be willing to be part of the problem

See yourself as having something to do with every problem that comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when parents respond to them in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.

7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age

Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores from an early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why? From an early age, they're made to feel they are an important part of the family. Kids want to belong and to feel like they're valuable.

8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania

Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about consumerism, sarcasm, and violence. What your kids learn from you and from free play with others will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.

9. Talk about feelings as a family

State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc. Families that talk about their goals are more likely to be aware of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you then have to "walk the talk."

10. See your kids as wonderful

There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the universe is, "what you think about expands." If you see your child and think about them as wonderful, you'll get a lot of "wonderful." If you think about your child as a problem, you'll get a lot of problems.

Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high "EQ" is even better. Make these ten ideas daily habits and you'll give your kids the best chance possible to be happy, productive, and responsible adults.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Family Meals: When Dinner Schedules Dont Match

Mealtimes together deserve an important place in any family. Around... Read More

Let?s Google and Yahoo Our Kids? Education

I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More

Breastfeeding, Its My Right

My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More

6 Tried & True Fun Ways to Educate and Entertain Your Preschooler

1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More

Safe From Strangers

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

Back to School; Time to Recharge

The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More

How Do Campers Protect Their Children?

Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

STOP Parental Alienation Syndrome before It Gets a Chance to START

Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Effective Discipline and Consequences

A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More

The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod

Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More

Teach Children The Skills Of Optimism

Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More

Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents

Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Children

How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More

Defrazzle with Hug Therapy

"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More

Busy Moms, Dont Forget to Take Time Out for You!

As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More

Your Checking Account

Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More

Simple Tricks To Help You And Your Kids To Find Friends

One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More

What Might Surprise You About Childhood Obesity

The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More

Patterns For Plus Size Children

Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More

Back to School Feng Shui

Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More

Is My Child Lazy?

Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More

A Chance for a Home

"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More

Choosing Wooden Toys For Children

Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More

Create a Story Book with Your Child

A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More

When A Parent Is Deployed

When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More

A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?

Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More

Loving Your Step-Children

Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps to Avoid

4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More

Homes for Troubled Teens: Therapeutic and Residential

For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More