Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?

Children are much more likely to cooperate with adults who like being with them and who let them know they are worthwhile. This builds a level of trust and a feeling of safety. Within that environment, they are more likely to respond by being helpful and pleasant.

Relationships are created step by step. Sometimes the smallest things - a word of encouragement or small act of appreciation - can tilt the balance and create a whole new energy in a relationship.

We all need to feel accepted and approved of.

If your children walk into the room and you look up and smile, glad to see them, they will receive the message:

"I am worthwhile."

"I am welcome and appreciated."

That unspoken message creates an atmosphere in your home that feels safe and inviting.

So start looking for things you appreciate about your child.

We humans tend to notice the things we focus on.

Let me give you an example. I never paid much attention to cars and trucks. If the one I had got me where I wanted to go, I was happy, so I didn't notice what other people were driving.

A few years ago, I bought a Saturn sedan - turquoise. Very pretty, I thought. For the next several weeks, everywhere I went, I saw Saturns. And lots of them were turquoise. I hadn't noticed before, because I wasn't thinking about Saturns. But all of a sudden, there they were. Everywhere.

What changed?

My FOCUS.

My ATTENTION.

After buying a Saturn, I was thinking about Saturns, so I noticed the ones around me. It's human nature. We notice what we look for.

Look for the things you want to see in your child.

Do you want him:

- to be smart?

- to take responsibility?

- to be capable?

- to be lovable?

Then look for those things in him.

If you look for things he is doing wrong, you will find them.

If you look for things he is doing right, you will find those as well.

If you look for things you can praise, they are there, but you have to notice.

Just as the Saturns were all around me, I didn't see them until I was focused on them. The same is true of people.

Your children are doing things now that would please you, if you took the time to notice. And they are waiting to be acknowledged.

Stay in your heart.

When you are not in your heart, you are likely to be judging, condemning, looking for things that are wrong. And remember: whatever you look for, you will find.

So why not deliberately think about things that you feel good about? They are there, waiting for you to notice.

Make a list of the things you most enjoy or admire in your child.

- Think of qualities she has such as a sense of humor, a tender heart or determination.

- Think about abilities he has, such as artistic, musical or athletic.

- Think about good times you have had together - memories that make you smile and feel your heart connection with your child.

Write them down.

Then, take time to sit quietly and think about those things.

Read over your list. Stay with it until the love wells up within you. When you get the FEELING of love, sit with it for a few minutes. Savor it?without an expectation that it will be reciprocated. At this point, this is all about YOU - your thoughts, feelings, actions.

Then take that feeling of love with you every time you interact with your child.

You may start to see results right away - changes in your child. If so, that's great. If not, give it time.

This process is about transforming something in yourself, rather than trying to change anything in your child.

Now, as you go through your day, not just today, but every day, look for things to appreciate in your child.

Then let her know.

Tell him you love him.

Tell her what you appreciate about her, be sure that it is totally sincere.

Do not let any day go by without acknowledging your child at least once. More is even better, (but don't over do it, or it may seem phony).

Appreciation is very powerful.

Whenever you bring feelings of appreciation, rather than judgment, you are in a powerful position to invite your child to join you.

As you begin to notice the positives and express your appreciation, your child will respond, but do not expect or require a change in his behavior. That will happen naturally, in its own time. This is not about him - it's about YOU.

As you are falling asleep tonight: be sure you are in your heart.

Use pictures, memories or thoughts about your child that invite the feeling of appreciation. Perhaps it will be a memory from today.

Fall asleep considering the things you appreciate about your child, and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of love that wells up within you.

Then surely, you will have sweet dreams, knowing you just created a tomorrow filled with love.

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."

For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

This article is copyright protected.

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

---

Helpful Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent

Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More

Hints on how to encourage children to read

Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More

The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

Finding Answers to Underachievement

Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More

Sibling Fighting - Reduce Sibling Rivalry by NOT Keeping Score

Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More

The Science of Mother Love

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More

New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More

Using Diet, Counseling, and Attend to Overcome ADHD

When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

More than Mom and Dad

Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More

Tracking Your Child Progress

As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More

Child Abuse - Survey & Comments

Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More

10 Points on Children for the New Parent

I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More

The Mystery of Picky Eaters

If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More

Is a Mothers Love, Medicine?

Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

Sanity Savers For Busy Mums Page

Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More

They Call it Puppy Love

My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More

Fundraising For Your Preschool Or Daycare Center

Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Courage

Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More

Teaching Kids to Read

We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More

Summer Camp Care Packages

Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks... Read More

Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More

To Test or Not To Test - That Is the Question

Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More

Top Ten Things Parents Must Know About State Academic Standards (What Your Child s/b Learning)

Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More

Top 50 Father Quotations

"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More

When Parents Disagree

Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More

The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter

1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More

Using Pocket-money To Promote Independence In Kids

In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More

Children are People, Not Machines

When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More

The Cost of Competition on Kids

The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More

March of the Penguins - A Fun Learnig Tool

Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More

What To Do With A 6 Year Old Smart Mouth Know It All

Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More