Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of the library or your local bookstore, you will find hundreds of books on disciplining and raising your children. All the leading experts have their own ideas about what works and what doesn't. As a parent, you have your philosophy that you bring to the table. Most of your thoughts come from what you learned as a child. You either liked the way your parents raised you, agreed with some of it and disagreed with the rest, or didn't like any part of your parents' ideas. Then you talk to or watch other mothers you know and these ideas get added to the mix. You take the best from all these sources and you set off to be the best mom you can be.

And then something happens that interrupts your plan for raising your children. Dad has a whole other set of ideas and plans for raising his children. Most of the time, dad's ideas have not come from the many books on parenting he reads or the oodles of fathers he brainstorms with. His ideas, too, come from the way in which he was raised as a boy, but sometimes Dad operates on auto pilot when raising and disciplining his kids. Even the best and most agreeable parents sometimes disagree. So what do you do when your two philosophies clash?

1. Talk it out when the children are not around. You're in the middle of dinner, and the children are refusing to eat. They are crabby and testing your every nerve. Dad can see that you are stressed so he decides to take matters into his own hands. He yells with his loud, booming voice, "Eat your food right now or you will go straight to bed." The kids start crying. You are even angrier now because you can't stand yelling. You feel it is an ineffective way to discipline the children, and you believe it scares them. Wait until the children go to bed and have a talk with your husband. Explain to him exactly how you feel about yelling. Listen to his side of the story and why he chose to do what he did. Do your very best to understand him and acknowledge his feelings. Then decide together what would work better for everyone in the future.

2. Decide how important an issue is to you. My friend's husband takes his little girl to swimming lessons every Saturday morning. After swimming, the little girl is starving. Dad's way of ending their fun time together in the pool is to let his daughter pick something to eat from the vending machine. My friend does not want her daughter associating fun time with Dad and junk food. She believes they should come home so her daughter can eat something healthy. Sometimes each parent needs to decide how important an issue really is to them. If Dad rates his need to buy his daughter a junk food treat after swimming at an 8, and Mom rates her need for her daughter to eat healthy at a 6, then Dad wins. You learn to give in on issues that aren't extremely important to you.

3. Understand that differences can be good. Believe it or not, children can benefit from differences in our parenting styles. As long as children are being loved and treated with respect and fairness, it can be good for children to learn to adapt to different childrearing approaches. No two people in this world are exactly alike. Some parents are very flexible and some are quite structured. Some parents are playful and others are more serious. There are quiet and mild-mannered parents and loud and boisterous parents as well. Step back and appreciate your differences. Children who are exposed to diversity have a tendency to be better rounded and adaptable.

4. Combine your viewpoints and get on the same page. The single most important thing you can do for your children and for your marriage is to get on the same page when raising and disciplining your children. Being on the same page does not mean you necessarily agree on everything. It means you support one another as parents. If Mom says there are no privileges until homework is done, the rules are the same with Dad. If Dad says curfew is at 11:30 PM, then Mom enforces this curfew. Take the time to work through your differences and put together a plan that both of you can be happy with. Decide what the house rules are going to be and how the children will be disciplined when the rules are broken. Then stick together and provide a united front for the benefit of your children.

Lori Radun, certified life coach for moms. Get her FREE monthly ezine for moms who want healthier and happier lives at http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com.

© 2005 True to You Life Coaching, LLC

---

Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence

The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More

Super Nanny - A Users Guide to Watching Super Nanny

There are many things to like about the television show... Read More

The Scientific Breakthrough That Allows Every Couple To Choose The Gender Of Their Baby

The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More

Aptitude, Achievement, Processing Deficit - What Does It All Mean?

You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More

Is Your Child Having Trouble in School?

Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More

Swing Sets and Outdoor Play Equipment- 5 Essential Tips Before You Buy

For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More

10 keys to Developing Your Childs Genius

Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More

Disciplining the Wild Child

Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More

How To Develop Your Babys Brain

Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More

How to Cope With Colic

When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More

Bird Flu Pandemic

What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More

Alias: Aptitude

Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More

Reclaiming Her Identity: A Mothers Diary

After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More

How to Set Healthy Limits at Work

Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More

Navigating in the New World: Parents and Teenagers Growing Together

One of the most prevalent myths of our modern culture... Read More

Secrets from the Classroom: Avoiding Summer Learning Loss

In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More

Peer Pressure - Five Ways to Help Teenagers Beat Peer Influence

Young people generally want to fit in to their various... Read More

Vision: 20/20 Is Not Enough!

Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More

Parenting: The Road I Chose

Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More

How to End the Misery of Bedwetting

When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More

7 Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children

Our children are our most important legacy to the world.... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

Parents ? The No Child Left Behind Law Wont Do Much For Your Child

Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More

Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

Parents of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers: 7 Universal Laws

1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to... Read More

Helping Your Child to Deal with Change

Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More

When Everybody Does It Comes Back to Haunt You

Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More

Is Your Behavioural Change Strategy Working?

'How can I start getting my children to help out... Read More

Should The Dad-To-Be Attend The Birth?

Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More

Ten Ways To Become Your Teenagers Best Friend

Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More

Single Parents: Give Yourselves Credit

Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More

Income that PAYS Your Child Support WITHOUT Increasing Your Child Support

Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More