Do you have a wild child? Then this article may be for you. Do you just blow up when you can't take it any more? Then this article is definitely for you.
Abuse victims, when they become parents, are handicapped in two ways. One, they have no clue how to give good discipline because they never saw it done. A parent who knows how does not resort to abuse. Or, I should say, a parent who knows how deep in his/her bones, not just intellectually, does not need to resort to abuse. So if you were beaten, humiliated, yelled at, ignored, neglected, abandoned, criticized, or any of the hundred other ways of being abused, you never saw good discipline in action. So you just don't know what it looks like.
Now, suppose you take a parenting course. Here's handicap #2. Even when you learn--intellectually--what it is, many parents who have been abused have a gut-level abhorence of anything that remotely looks like violence. Any form of discipline that is perfectly "kosher" may look to an abuse victim like something harsh, mean, and hateful. And those parents just can't seem to put it into action. That's when the leniency paves the way for the very abuse they don't ever want to be guity of doing: Because they have failed to discipline their child, the child, of course, gets out of hand, eventually. That's what normal children do, if unstopped. So then, these sweet, lovely parents who couldn't bring themselves to discipline their child lash out at them angrily. And they actually feel justified! "I've had enough!" They exclaim.
Well, that's true, but whose fault is that? You've had enough because you didn't nip it in the bud with proper discipline. Now you criticize or yell or hit or whatever and actually think that the child is "bad." Hey, that's exactly the mistake your parents might have made. So if this sounds like you, don't confuse proper discipline with abuse. Start the discipline and then you won't have to blow up.
For example, I once worked with a family in which the mother felt so guilty about a remarriage and so abhorent of abuse because of the abuse she had received that she also never would discipline that child. Until one day she discovered that, at 14, her daughter was sneaking out the window at night to go party. Then, as you can imagine, she lost it.
If you're not clear what discipline is, read the article on it. click here. But don't run away from it or it'll only get worse.
Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
Marriage and Family Therapist
http://www.abuse-recovery-and-marriage-
counseling.com
The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More
During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More
In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie... Read More
Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
There are a LOT of alternative treatments for sale out... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More
Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite... Read More
Compulsory attendance laws are school authorities' first assault on parental... Read More
Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles:? Forty... Read More
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
Parenting |