Mutants or Clones?

In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded with themes of mutants, cyborgs, evolving and the digital world. These words intimidated me at first, until I learned what the shows were talking about. I wondered how this prepares children for living in the 21st century. The answer hit me when I came across the saying, "Don't Clone...Mutate."

For those not familiar with the new language, a few definitions are in order. A clone is an exact replica of the original source. Clones are trained to mindlessly conform. Success and failure are based on how well the clone conforms rather than on the clone's accomplishments and abilities. A mutant is someone or something that has changed from the original source. Mutants are evaluated on their abilities and accomplishments.

In raising children, some parents behave as if training clones. There are some ways to tell if one is raising clones.

  • Children are expected to engage in sports and activities just because their parents did.

  • Children are expected to have the same taste in music as their parents.

  • Phrases like "it's my way or the highway" are frequently heard.

  • Teens are steered toward specific vocations because that is what their parents did.

  • Personal needs and preferences of family members are set aside to 'keep the peace.'

  • Children report feeling 'invisible 'or 'like a robot.'

  • Children are viewed as smaller versions of the parents.

  • Problems within the family are never solved, but rather avoided. In some cases, there are no new problems, but the same one occurring over and over again.

  • Children's efforts at independence are met with predictions of catastrophe.

The way to stop 'cloning' is to train children to mutate. 'To mutate' means to be able to adjust to change, to be flexible or resilient, to become an individual. Some of the steps parents can take to 'individuate' or 'mutate' are:

  • Encourage children to try 'new' things. This could be new sports, food, books or adventures.

  • Encourage your child in developing a hobby of their choice. Show an interest in developing the hobby. Don't just pay it lip service, find out about the hobby. From my sons, I have developed my knowledge of baseball, sharks, trains, and wildlife that I would not otherwise have.

  • Allow your child to make choices appropriate for their age.

  • Practice working through problems rather than imposing solutions.

  • Use the question "What other solutions could there be to this problem?"

  • Confront setbacks with "Failure is something you do, not who you are."

Raising children to change and adapt to change is threatening to some parents, because it emphasizes responsibility rather than control. Adapting to changes means taking the risk of 'letting go' of some of the control. I often use the metaphor that it is easier to steer a car in motion, than one sitting still. Likewise, it is easier to direct your children when they are trying new things, than when they are behaving like a robot.

About The Author

Jeffrey D. Murrah is The Results-Oriented Therapist specializing in marriage and family conflicts. Visit www.RestoreTheFamily.com to sign up for his free newsletter.

jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com

In The News:

pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Normal and Logical Consequences

Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More

The Twenty-First Century Parent

John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Time, Stress, and a Baby

The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More

Twelve Tips To Connect With Teachers At Conference Time

It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you... Read More

10 Steps to School Year Success

One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring... Read More

Anorexia Nervosa Alert - is Your Daughter Dying To Be Thin?

Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More

Road Trip with Kids

Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More

Top Seven Tips for Back-to-School Success

Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More

The Family Guy - Parenting From a Single Dads Perspective

It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More

Breastfeed a Toddler - Why?

Is your baby approaching his or her first birthday and... Read More

Second Letter to My Daughter

Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More

An Overview of Alternative Treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

How Many Sex Offenders Live On Your Block?

For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More

Weathering Colic for New Parents

A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More

Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents

Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More

Watering Your Young Child?s Mind

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More

The 5 Babysitter Commandments

Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More

My Stomach Hurts - I Cant Go to School Today!

It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents

Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

Teaching Reading: Part 3, Whole Language Vs. Phonics

There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More

Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall in the Treatment of ADHD

Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of... Read More

Hiking with Children

There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More

Baby Name Meanings

Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More

10 Tips for Making Daily Physical Activity Part of Your Childs Life!

Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles:? Forty... Read More

Words of Wisdom for Single Parents

The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More

Revering the Crayon Marks

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More

Strategies to Help Boost Your Childs Self Esteem

Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More

The Importance of Mothers

Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More