Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped in part by the influence of parents. Your child is not born with a self-image or self-assurance. Both traits are learned through experiences beginning from birth.
But who is the self-assured child? Simply put, it is the child who is confident of their self-worth, and their talents and abilities. A confident and outgoing child, who is not afraid to show the world all the unique ways in which he / she shines.
The process of making a self-assured child begins at birth. Children are born with clean slates and do not implicitly know and understand their self-worth. The seeds of self-assurance and self-esteem, therefore, must be carefully sown by the adult figures in a child's life.
Let's take a look at 3 ½ year old Jennifer:
Jennifer attends pre-school. As part of the year-end wrap up, Mom and Dad meet with Jen's pre-school teacher, Mrs. Hamilton.
Mrs. Hamilton tells Jen's parents that she has noted that Jennifer is always seeking feedback on her accomplishments. "When Jennifer finishes a drawing," notes Mrs. Hamilton, "she is undoubtedly never sure if it is good, and, therefore, fails to exhibit any happiness. Instead, she asks her teachers for re-assurance that the drawing is beautiful and has made them happy."
Jennifer's parents have noted similar behavior at home and during play dates with other children. "Jennifer has tremendous difficulty making selections from colors of crayons to food," states Jennifer's mother. "If I ask her what she'd like for dinner, she always asks 'What are my choices?' and I begin to narrow the selections for her. Sometimes, I even make the decision for her. No matter what I choose ? even if it's her favorite meal ? Jennifer's never happy and always demands to know why she has to eat that." Mrs. Hamilton tells Jennifer's parents that she too has noted that Jennifer will talk back to a teacher or adult in charge, demanding an explanation for having to follow direction. "No matter how many times we try to talk to her," notes Jennifer's father, "she doesn't seem to have an awareness of her behaviors."
The following suggestions may help you raise self-assured children:
? Praise your child: Applause the effort, not just the outcome. Start early and give genuine compliments freely and honestly.
? Observe your child's schoolwork and other activities: Offer your child constructive feedback on their work, this will allow your child to have a safe and realistic view of themselves
? Frame social interactions: Give your child the boundaries with which to speak and respond appropriately to others
? Outline choices: Allow your child to choose from a limited amount of choices. Providing too many will overwhelm the child and may cause frustration and confusion
? Lead: Always keep a watchful eye and take charge when necessary
Keep In Mind: The process of building self-esteem needs to begin at birth but it's never too late to implement positive behaviors.
The recipe for success in raising a self-assured child is simple; connect with your child through positive interactions and communications, and offer unconditional love and support.
You will forever have an impact upon the manner in which your child interacts and feels about themselves. Reach for assistance from a professional if you have any questions.
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com
I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
For any of you Moms out there that are doing... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Along with eating healthier we need to be more active.... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More
There are so many learning labels floating around these days... Read More
You want your daughter to wear a dress to the... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More
Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More
When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More
There are many useful jogger stroller accessories out on the... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
I have a bit of a different response than most... Read More
"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More
Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
Parenting |