Family Meetings Are Now On The Agenda

"Not another meeting!"

That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather than families. Even at work, meetings tend to be tolerated rather than keenly anticipated.

My research and my anecdotal evidence suggest that families that have a process to share decisions and to resolve conflict have more cooperative kids and less open sibling disputes. To be truthful, I stopped talking about family meetings in my presentations some years ago as people's eyes tended to glaze over when I mentioned the M word.

But I am now 'talking up' the concept as many parents I have worked with in the past have remarked how useful they were in turning their families around from Me-centred to We-centred groups.

Family meetings are a useful way of unifying a family and developing a shared approach to its organization. They are based on the management principle that children like a say in how their family operates and that they are more likely to stick to rules and decisions that they have had a say in making rather than those imposed from above. In many ways, this is stating the bleeding obvious but we need a process to make this happen. That is where family meetings come in.

Following are ten basic keys for conducting family meetings:

1. They must be regular. Weekly or fortnightly meetings are ideal. If a parent calls a meeting when he or she wants then meetings just become a vehicle for mum or dad to get their point across rather than a means for children to participate in family-life.

2. Start when at least one child is five years of age. Children need the verbal and cognitive skills to participate. This varies but maybe around five years of age seems to be a good age to start.

3. Have an agenda. All good meetings need a chairperson and an agenda. Meetings are usually for one or more of four purposes:

a) Plan for family fun
b) Allocation of chores
c) Resolving conflicts between people
d) Discussion of family issues, procedures and routines. Parents need to be the initial chairperson but share the job around as children become more skilled.

4. Avoid overloading the agenda. You don't have to slavishly work through all these areas. Two or three items may be enough and avoid the meeting from becoming a whinge session.

5. Have a talk sock. Have an object such as a sock or doll that the children must hold if they are going to speak, which teaches them how to take turns. The speaker, whether adult or child, must be holding the special talk sock.

6. Start each meeting with encouragement. Parents can model this initially by saying things like, "Thanks Marta for cleaning your toys away after playing with them this week. It was great have the family room so clean." This helps set a positive tone and teaches kids how to encourage.

7. Finish with a pleasant activity. A concluding game or a story will help reinforce a meeting as an event to anticipate.

8. They must be real. While meetings should be fun they are not a game you play with kids. You must be able to live with decisions that are made so you must be realistic about what is discussed and decided upon.

9. Short and sharp, not long and dull. Don't allow them to become bogged down. Keep moving them along. I know some meetings that have only gone for eight or nine minutes, but that's fine if objectives were met.

10. It is the process that is important. Sometimes meetings break down and decisions aren't made as they have descended into chaos. That happens but don't abandon the concept if nothing concrete comes of a meeting or two. It is the process of meeting and talking rather than the outcomes that are important.

Regular family meetings are a powerful means of improving relationships and building cooperation between parents and children. They provide the means for children to share and accept responsibility, participate fully in family-life and work cooperatively for the benefit of the group ? their family.

Michael Grose http://www.parentingideas.com.au

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parent educator. The author of six books for parents, Michael gives over 100 presentations a year to parents in the corporate, community and education sectors. His website http://www.parentingideas.com.au is full of fresh ideas to help parents raise happy kids and resilient teenagers.

---

Top 10 Things To Never Believe From Your Teenager

1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just... Read More

Children are People, Not Machines

When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More

Planning the Ultimate Kid Birthday Party

Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO!

Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More

The Cost of Competition on Kids

The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More

Cyber Parenting 101

Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More

Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk

Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More

Tips for Keeping Packed Lunches Fun and Interesting

? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More

Film Industry and Our Youth

In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More

10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More

Homes for Troubled Teens: Therapeutic and Residential

For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More

Think Like Your Kids - And Understand Them More!

Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More

Teach Your Child About Money

What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More

5 Tips For Talking To Your Children About What They See In The News

Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More

Picky Eaters - The Dawn of Understanding

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More

A Chart for Everything

For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart,... Read More

Reading Activities Parents Can Use For Their Children

Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines

Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More

Nail Biting Basics

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More

Parents Demand Dumbed-down Tests:An Unintended Bad Consequence of the No Child Left Behind Act

The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More

Parenting Predicaments

Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

Top 50 Mom Quotations

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More

Why Do People Have Kids?

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More

How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts

Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More

Promote Physical Fitness for Your Child

If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More

Clean Your House Green for your Children?s Sake

My thirteen-year-old daughter recently called me up to say she... Read More

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

Encouraging Your Child to Write

How in the world do you get your child to... Read More

Parental Internet Control Tips

The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, Part Five

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem

Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More