A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. We in fact were taught to "obey" and do as we were told; no questions asked. Many of those people did command respect but unfortunately many of them abused their position of power and felt they were licensed to say and do whatever they wanted simply by virtue of the position they held.
There are 3 components to respect; the respect you have for yourself, the respect you have for others and the respect you COMMAND of others. It is our job as parents to model and teach all three. Is it reasonable for us to command respect simply because we're a parent?
For our children to learn respect we first and foremost need to learn to show respect towards ourselves. How is that done? We show respect for ourselves but setting clear and concise boundaries, presenting ourselves to others in a way that says we respect who we are, honouring our gifts and talents and choosing to spend time with people that support and value who we are.
It's very difficult to command respect if we don't show respect towards others, including our children. How do we show our children that we respect them? Showing respect towards our children means respecting their privacy, saying "please" and "thank-you" in a way that they know we're genuine, accepting their likes and dislikes, showing respect for their style of learning, speaking to them in a tone that we would want to be spoken to, speaking to them at eye level and making a point not to demean them in public. It also means giving them our time when they need it and acknowledging their feelings.
Children need to witness us treating our partners, co-workers, service providers, neighbors and friends respectfully. One of the ways they learn to show respect towards others is by what they've experienced through us. How do we handle disagreements? How do we talk about others when they're not around? How do we address people? How do we respect people's individual rights? Children learn what they live.
By no means should we accept rudeness and disrespect from our children. We can always say: "When you can ask me in a more polite way, I'd be glad to help you." Children will often challenge us and say things to try and make us feel guilty so we'll change our mind. For the most part, it's wise to just not engage in any kind of power struggle just to prove that we're the boss. We can simply state our request and then walk away and resolve not to give in if we've decided that the issue is non negotiable. If on the other hand, your child has presented an argument that is worth considering, he/she deserves to be heard. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to change your mind but it may be that there is room for negotiation. If they've presented a good argument in a non-confrontational manner, they deserve to be acknowledged. We also have a right to impose a reasonable consequence if a child has displayed blatant disrespect. It clearly tells them that you won't accept the behavior.
Being able to challenge someone's opinion or point of view, I believe is healthy as long as it's not done in a way that undermines the other person's character. Do we want to raise children that never question authority even when it seems unreasonable, unfair or unethical?
Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach who has worked with parents for over 16 years. She presents workshops and seminars as well as works with parents privately helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges.
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
barb@theparentingcoach.com
604-524-1783
The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More
Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made.... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying... Read More
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More
Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More
When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour... Read More
To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite... Read More
Our children are our most important legacy to the world.... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More
At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that... Read More
Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Throughout the year, many days of celebration are tucked capriciously... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
Parenting |