Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor at a youth camp. I was impressed with her sincerity, maturity, and gratitude that her "blended family" had made the effort and sacrifice to work together toward a common goal. She admitted that she was the instigator of most of the conflict and absolutely refused to cooperate on even the most menial request by her step-mother. She could tell that the adults were becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed and she was secretly glad that they were suffering.
Then an interesting thing happened. She was invited to spend a weekend with a friend and she saw what happens when families get along and support one another. The family held a family meeting to decide about some upcoming projects and chores. When putting activities on the calendar, she was amazed to see her friend volunteer to attend the ball game with her little brother so the parents could make another commitment. They laughed and joked with good natured ribbing as opposed to sarcastic mean spirited teasing. The family ended the family meeting with ice cream sundaes and she saw the kids pitch in without being asked and that they served the parents before getting their own bowl.
It was an eye-opener for this young lady to see that it is possible to work together in a win-win atmosphere. She honestly had not even realized it was possible to live in harmony as opposed to chaos and anger.
When she got home from that stay, she called a family meeting and everyone came fearing that she was going to say she was moving out if she didn't get her way. Instead, she told them about what she had witnessed and asked for a commitment for all of them to start over and become a cooperative, supportive and loving family where everyone was treated with respect.
She went on to tell me that it had not been easy to change old habits, especially with her. But, as a family they had set a goal and a commitment and had worked on their relationships and communication skills daily. As a young adult, she said that because of that commitment, she had gone into counseling to assist other young people who were filled with anger. She wanted to share the valuable lessons that she had learned.
Oh yes, she counts her step-mother as one of her best friends now.
In our living room is a beautiful potted plant. It contains a number of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, are fragile and unsteady. Each stem could probably make it if it were broken off and stuck in a glass of water, but it might not. However, grouped together, they gain strength and protection from one another. Their roots are intertwined and form a foundation that allows them to successfully withstand being knocked over and occasionally neglected.
Families are like that plant. We are all in this together, and we need to know there are others who will hold us up when we need it and support us as we grow stronger. The word for the strength of a unit is synergy. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
It is that common goal of cooperation and support that builds success in our children and our families. Please don't give up. Try one more time to provide the loving and respectful environment that each member of the family deserves.
Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator © 2005 www.ArtichokePress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More
The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
There are many useful jogger stroller accessories out on the... Read More
We know that you want your little guy or gal... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is... Read More
Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More
How many times have you flipped through the pages of... Read More
21 Reasons I Love Being A DadWhat you will read... Read More
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
There has been much attention in the media of late... Read More
Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More
Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
It happens every year. Just when you are settled in... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
I will cherish this moment. I will not let it... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to... Read More
21 Reasons I Love Being A DadWhat you will read... Read More
The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More
We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Parenting |