Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233
Percentage of readers who do not spank their children: 37%
Percentage of readers who spank their children: 62%
I am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of you spank your children as don't. At the risk of alienating 62 percent of my subscribers, I cannot, in good conscience, keep my opinions to myself. ;-)
I feel we have evolved enough as a society to understand that violence breeds violence. Hitting is physically violent. So is spanking. I do not believe spanking children teaches them to mind their parents or caretakers any better than other forms of constructive discipline. If it is unacceptable to hit an adult, what makes it acceptable to hit a child? Taking into consideration the parent or caretaker is most likely three times the size of the child, doesn't this bring up issues of bullying? Many of the comments left on the spanking poll mentioned a biblical reference, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." When we consider that the bible was written thousands of years ago, we must also take into consideration that we may have advanced to the point where biblical interpretations are probably not to be taken as literally as they once were. I do not believe parents should spank their children into submission, any more than I believe criminals should be stoned to death by the masses, as was the custom so many years ago.
Many parents (myself included) have neglected to replace spanking with another solid form of discipline. Refraining from spanking our kids does not negate disciplining them. We have created a generation of children without boundaries in our zeal to adopt a kinder, gentler parenting style. While I am thoroughly delighted that many parents have decided not to spank their children, I am saddened by the lack of respect for authority in so many children today. Without limits, children are insecure, always testing the boundaries ... begging to be corralled for their own safety. In removing physical punishment, we need to find a healthy replacement.
Another comment mentioned often in the spanking poll had to do with spanking a child "out of love." I think this means the parent is disciplining their child because they love them. Yes, by all means, discipline your child when needed. My only request is that you consider not raising a hand or your voice to them in order to accomplish this. My methods have been to remove a privilege, after a warning. It might not be the best form of imposing limits on children but it works pretty well with my daughters ... most of the time. ;-)
One interesting comment was from a mother who said she only spanked her child when the kid was outright defiant. Well, you know, I wanted to consider that option for about two seconds! When my older daughter is defiant, my immediate instinct is to smack her ... but I don't. She is now an inch taller than I am and almost outweighs me. Not a good time to start swatting her butt. She'd either laugh at me or hit me back. Neither option seems conducive to maintaining authority! As much as that option sounded tempting, it is not the answer. If we are to grow as a people, we need to adopt more humane methods of teaching our children to behave.
The comment that disturbed me most was from parents who said they did not spank their child "right away." The child is told they are going to be spanked while the parent goes somewhere else to "calm down" before doling out the dreaded punishment. Sorry, this one gives me the willies. To me, this is a method of psychological torture. Imagining a small child, probably a toddler (or an adolescent reduced to a toddler's fears) in this situation tears at my heart. If I were a child, waiting patiently for a spanking, I think I would seriously consider running away. Why stick around for a parent who is going to come back, irrationally calm in the face of my utter terror, and let them hurt me? I do not think this is a good idea, no matter what the circumstance. I would rather see a parent swat a kid on the butt from sheer frustration, as in the situation with a defiant child, than meditate on it a while and then do the deed. I'm sure I have just contradicted parenting advice many of you have heard by experts. These experts do not rate one inch in my life. I cannot imagine a competent child psychologist thinking that this is OK.
I am 100% committed to a no-spanking philosophy. I believe spanking will be outlawed in most countries within a few years. This practice has been a traditional tool of discipline for far too long.
Please, my dearest readers who do not share my opinion, I ask that you consider the alternatives. Many parents spank, simply for lack of a better solution. There are other solutions. It's not always easy, I know. Spanking is probably the easiest method of momentarily whipping a child in line, however, if we are armed with alternate choices that really work, we will be better parents.
Copyright 2000 ? 2005 ? Rexanne Mancini
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com ? http://www.rexanne.com archived copy -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-arch ives.html
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More
Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
Article based on a friend's experienceI just wanted to share... Read More
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More
There is a new stage of development for parents to... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Anyone can become a parent; there are no tests or... Read More
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More
1. Create... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More
If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
We were all teens at one time for some many... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
One of parents' most important duties is to protect their... Read More
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Do you have a high maintenance child?"Thank goodness my second... Read More
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More
Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
Parenting |