Discipline on My Mind

I look out of the window as I am writing this. It is home time and mums are collecting their children from the local primary school. I see and hear harassed mums shouting "come here" (no response); "get down from there" (no response); "if you do that again you'll get a slap" (no response; no slap). And what am I writing about? Discipline!

What does that word discipline conjure up in your mind? For many of us it provokes a picture of punishments and the control of others through the threat of punishments.

However, only thinking along those lines might be missing the point. And if we do that there is the danger that we can't do our best for our kids. Let's look at it differently for a moment.

What about these ideas:

* the discipline of quietness, patience, and self-control,

*the discipline required for a sense of justice, tolerance and fair-mindedness,

* the discipline needed for using reading, writing, scientific processes, clear thinking, programming a computer, playing games skilfully, composing music, playing an instrument, creating art, solving mathematical problems, etc,

* the discipline of respecting others and co-operating with them; of playing team games fairly and within the rules,

* the discipline of perseverance and striving to do well,

* the discipline of postponing gratification.

If we have these sorts of aspirations for our children, how can we help them? What can you actually do for your child?

Firstly, be clear about what you want. Make a list of everything you want for your kids and the family. Which are the most important things? If you want well-behaved children, what exactly do you mean by that? Be clear about your values and what you want of your children so you can help them through some of the ambiguities and apparent contradictions in life. This will also help you to be consistent.

Secondly, let those values and goals guide your actions. You will find that they encourage you to be consistent in many different situations. The following ideas might help.

* Build a positive relationship with your children. Nourish their self-esteem and encourage their self-confidence.

* Help them understand your expectations. Explain why something is right or wrong; discuss the matter fully and reason it through.

* Anticipate problems before they arise. Be prepared!

* Encourage constructive habits. Having a few "chores" helps them feel part of the family and gives them a vested interest in its activities. Learning to take responsibility for their own room and toys will stand them in good stead for the future.

* Deal with bad, anti-social behaviour quickly. Approach it fairly and with as little fuss as possible so that you can concentrate on preventing it happening again. If you "turn a blind eye" it might make life easy for the moment, but you'll pay for it in the long run.

* Encourage your kids to get involved in organised activities out of school. It helps their social development and their emotional intelligence.

* Keep the promises you make. If you must make them, keep them ? otherwise the inconsistency will cause no end of problems for you and your children.

* Encourage your children to learn from their mistakes. Support them through their mistakes and errors so they don't feel badly and can see their improvements.

* Keep a level head. Avoid losing your temper. Sure, express anger, but when you lose your temper you won't think constructively. There might be better alternatives.

The word discipline implies some adherence to some sort of rules. If you are going to have any rules, make them understandable, specific and fair. Get your children involved in writing them ? the discussions will help them understand. Children have more enthusiasm for respecting rules that they have had a hand in writing. And in following the rules yourself, you are setting a wonderful example to your kids.

BUT ? whatever you do, don't expect that the outcome to be exactly as you expected it! You cannot mould your children into your own likeness. Live with that ? and rejoice in it.

If you want to know more about this subject, contact Clive who has worked with children in primary schools for over 30 years as teacher, headteacher, coach and mentor. He now applies his knowledge, skills and understanding to helping others fulfil their dreams. You can find out more at: http://www.clivegrahamcoaching.com If you want to share your thoughts or ask any questions, he would be very happy to hear from you. Contact him: info@clivegrahamcoaching.com

---

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More

Teaching Preschool Color and Shapes with Family Games

My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More

Lifebooks: Every Adopted Child Needs One

Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More

6 Tried & True Fun Ways to Educate and Entertain Your Preschooler

1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More

Raising Kids on a Budget

There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More

You Dont Need a Supernanny to Be an Active Parent

The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More

Stress is No Kiddy Matter

Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More

When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More

Four Tips For Alleviating Back To School Anxiety

Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More

Joining a Gang: How to Help Kids Prevent it, How to Tell if Theyve Joined One, How to Help Them Out

While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More

Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses

What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More

Celebrating Life with Children in September

Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your... Read More

Dad, Go Ahead and Cry

She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More

How to Help Your Child be Successful in Kindergarten

Your child's first year of school should be a fun... Read More

Its OK For Your Child To Be Bored - In Fact, Its Recommended!

NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More

What About ADHD Teens and Driving?

This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More

So You Want to Adopt?

Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More

Naming Your Baby Is Part of The Challenge of Being a Parent

Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More

Eco-Parenting

Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More

Children Who Talk to Angels

What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

Hints on how to encourage children to read

Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More

Bedtime and Sleep Habits

Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More

Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children

"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps to Avoid

4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More

The Mystery of Picky Eaters

If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More

Simple Indulgences for September

As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More

Are You Addicted to Your Children?

Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More

Best Tips for Stress Free Child Party Games

When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More

The Challenges of Single Parenting

Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More

What To Do With A 6 Year Old Smart Mouth Know It All

Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More