Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children's mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don't find too many mistake-free periods of their

children's lives.

Let's be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren't too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say," I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!" Kids don't enjoy or want to make mistakes, it's just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; but they're doing their best considering the resources they have at the time. Sometimes they're tired, sometimes they're easily distracted, and sometimes they're strong-willed, but they generally do the best they can. It's quite easy for us to unfairly judge them according to their best efforts in the past.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ?or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them.

Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love in response to their mistakes learn to hide their mistakes. These children live in two different places--one place where they have the love and support of their father (parents), and another where they feel that if their mistakes were discovered, they would be undeserving of that love. It's hard for these kids to fully accept their parents' love and support even when it is expressed. It's also difficult for these kids to set high standards for themselves, because they tend to be fearful of failing.

These are some ideas for fathers who are committed to helping create kids who can learn from their mistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few:

Absolutely accept the notion that your kids are doing their best, and that they'll learn faster about their mistakes if they are in an environment that accepts mistakes.

Understand that your difficulty with your kids' mistakes is in fact a reflection of your difficulty dealing with your own mistakes; be aware of this and deal with your own issues first.

Know the shaming messages that we can all give so easily to our kids--messages that can do a lot of damage to them and help them to feel unworthy. Here's a few of them:

- How could you have done that?

- You don't listen to me!

- You can do better than that!

- What's the matter with you?

Keep providing your kids with learning experiences, but at the same time structure their environment so they can't make too many mistakes (having expensive glassware around the house where children might break it is not their fault).

Provide a great model for your children by the way you react to making mistakes: do you get defensive and stretch the truth, or do you own the mistake and learn something from it? Create a culture that's based on learning from mistakes.

We only have one chance to show our kids the patience and discipline necessary to allow them to learn from the mistakes that we've all made. Your opportunity to improve just started now; give your kids the room that they need and deserve.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

---

Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More

Friends Are A Gift You Give Yourself

My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More

The Hardest Job I Ever Had

I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More

Guide to Choosing Plush Toys for Children

Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More

The 411 on Natural Colic Remedies

Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

Who Wants To Date Their Mother?

Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Back to School Blues

Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More

Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder?

Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More

Son, Can I Use The Car Tonight?

I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More

Home And School Education - Your Kids Can Benefit From Both!

Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More

Grandparents --- Homeschool Your Grandchildren and Feel Younger

Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More

Parents Rights Violated By Public School Compulsory Attendence Laws

Compulsory attendance laws are school authorities' first assault on parental... Read More

10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs

Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17... Read More

Time, Stress, and a Baby

The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More

The Secret To Keeping Kids Interested on Family Vacations

Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More

Cyber Parenting 101

Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More

How Is Peaceful Parenting® Different?

Peaceful Parenting® ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More

Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline

We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More

Muscle Pain And Children Do Not Mix

I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers

"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: One Step Farther

When is a person brilliant? When does a person show... Read More

Working Moms: Too Busy for Your Children?

17 Quick Ways to Strengthen the Bonds of LoveOn Mother's... Read More

Childrens Safety in Public Places - 10 Useful Tips

My kids ask me all the time to take them... Read More

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More

Spelling Games

The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More

Pipe Down!

Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More

Television - The Great SATAN!

I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More

6 Tried & True Fun Ways to Educate and Entertain Your Preschooler

1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More

Teenagers and Stress: What Parents Can Do to Help

More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More