Get into their world. The world that teens are growing up in is not the world in which we grew up. In case you ever doubt that, here is what author and speaker Josh McDowell has said on the subject: "The average teenage boy is exposed to more sexual stimulation on the way to school than his grandfather was on Saturday night when he was looking for it." The next four suggestions are more specific ways to get into their world:
Listen to their music. When I begin to work with a teenager in my counseling office, one of the first things I have them do is bring in a couple of their favorite CDs and we listen to them. Other people in my office building wonder what the heck is going on but that is OK because it keeps me in touch with what is being pumped into their heads all day long. As a parent of a teen, you especially need to know what is going into their heads.
Watch what they watch. Not only do you need to watch the TV programs and movies your teen is watching, you also need to watch the commercials and other advertising aimed at kids. What is the message behind the commercial? Most are something like this: "You are a loser without this product, and you will be cool and popular with this product." Our kids are being taught to be non-thinking consumers from day one. Why do you think they call it programming?
Walk the halls. Go to school one day. Take a walk through the halls between classes. I can just about guarantee you that you will be surprised by what you see if you have not yet taken this walk.
Screen time. Here is another example of how much has changed. When you and I were coming up, our parents had to practically drag us inside for dinner. Now parents almost have to force kids outside away from the screens. This is one of the biggest battles going on in many families today. It always amuses me when I talk with parents who complain about how much time their kid spends playing video games. I usually ask the parents if they have ever played the games with their kid. Parents usually look at me like I'm nuts. Not only do you need to know what is going into their heads, just like music and TV, you need to know just how addictive the experience can be. I have a secret suspicion that some parents don't want to play because they do not want to get beat.
Teen Room Makeover. It seems like just about every night on TV something is being "made over," from houses all the way to people! So I thought, why not have a Teen Room Makeover? Get together with your teen, clean everything out, do some painting, maybe some new furniture. You could find some magazines for ideas and examples. This accomplishes at least three things:
You get to clean up and rearrange what could be a disaster area.
If handled right, doing this with your teen can be a time of bonding and fun.
While you are cleaning and rearranging, you may find some things that you did not know about. If you do not find anything that is a problem, that's great. If you do find something that is a problem, now you know about it and can then do something about it.
Vitamin NO. Every now and then, I work with a teen who needs a good dose of vitamin NO. Many parents have not figured out how to administer this vitamin and are either uncomfortable or afraid to do it. Once given the suggestion and "permission," most parents can learn. You have to be prepared for the teen to not like it, and test you to see if you mean it. That is OK though, because a good healthy dose of vitamin NO can eventually cure a raging sense of entitlement.
Vitamin YES. At the same time, teens also need a healthy dose of vitamin YES. Once you have gotten clear on what to say no to, and strong enough to say it, then your yes can really mean something. I tell the teens with whom I work that parents do not stay up late at night trying to create new ways to say no and make your life miserable. Parents like to say yes - to good choices.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More
We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More
You have two kids who are 14 months apart. How... Read More
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
I have a bit of a different response than most... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
Young people generally want to fit in to their various... Read More
Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Parenting |