Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Children think money grows on trees. Maybe not literally, but... Read More
This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
As with everything, names go through cycles of change with... Read More
Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
Memorabilia ? Children can create enough artwork for an entire... Read More
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and... Read More
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More
Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More
A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Do you struggle to get your child to bed at... Read More
Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More
I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More
All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More
Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her... Read More
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
Every year over one million parents have to talk to... Read More
ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Parenting |