Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Late vs. Too Late

Every now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,

"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since they are almost 18."

Sorry, but you are wrong.

While it certainly may be late in the game, it is never too late. I often find myself thinking I wish I could have worked with this teen/family/marriage sooner. It's always easier to work with a problem when it has first begun, because there is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice yet still small enough to solve easily.

One of the many reasons that it is never too late is that in many ways, adolescence now lasts until about 25 anyway.

Modeling Bad Choices

You really can't, with any fairness, get very mad at your teen for doing something you have modeled for them.

Now I am not talking about letting your kid off the hook for bad behavior just because you did it too when you were young.

Many parents tell me they are reluctant to talk with their kids about drugs because of fear that the kid will ask the parent if they did drugs as a teenager.

Parents must get over that fear.

Just because you did it does not mean it's a good choice, and you still have the responsibility to deal with the issue with your teens.

At the same time, if you are currently modeling bad choices for them, then that is a very different story.

You really can't expect your kid to not do things they see you doing. This is because if you are currently doing it, you lack the moral authority to encourage them not to do it.

Going back to the late vs. too late notion above, one of the very best examples for kids is to see their parent change something that, while difficult to change, still desperately needs changing.

Two Important Questions

Counselor, speaker and author Dan Allendar, in his new book, "How Children Raise Parents," says that all children, even teenagers, are constantly asking two important questions:

1) Am I loved?

2) Can I get my own way?

How we answer these over time as parents has a huge impact on how our kids turn out.

By the way, the right answers are:

"Yes, you are loved move than you could possibly know"

and

"No, you cannot get your own way, because of the answer to question No. 1."

Information is Available

Did you know that contrary to what our parents had available to them, there is a ton of useful information out there for parents of teens. Read Allendar's book mentioned above, go to a seminar, do a Google search under parents of teens.

You do not have to do this parenting teens thing on your own, nor do you have to make it up as you go along. Use the resources available to you.

Labor Intensive

There are a few so-called parenting experts out there who will tell you with a straight face that if you do it right, parenting teens is easy.

I think that is such a misleading and damaging big fat lie.

If you are going to do any parenting well, especially parenting teens, it has to be labor intensive.

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music your teen listens to.

Don't talk like them, act like them or dress like them. It's a guaranteed way to be laughed at and ignored. But do listen to the music.

Get familiar with the artists and the lyrics. You need to know what is being loudly pumped into your kid's brain, because it absolutely does influence them.

Remember how much it influenced you?

Visit ParentingYourTeenager to subscribe to leading Parent Coach Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."

---

Safe From Strangers

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

How to Get a Good Diagnosis to See If Your Child Has ADHD

Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More

Dealing with Lying: The Dos and Donts

Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More

ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?

A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More

Inattentive ADHD: Just Like Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More

Nail Biting Basics

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

Teenagers and Trouble - How Parents Can Keep their Teens Out of Trouble

Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More

How Can I Teach My Child To Be Responsible?

Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More

Son, Can I Use The Car Tonight?

I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More

Parents --- Homeschooling Can Take a Lot Less Time Than You Think

The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More

Lets Protect Our Children

There are software programs that you can purchase to keep... Read More

Examining Drugs for ADHD, Particularly Strattera

In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More

Want To Further Your Childrens Studies?

Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More

Raising Kids on a Budget

There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More

Is There Any Real Use For A Fun Quiz?

Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More

5 Solid Reasons: Why Your Child Can Be An Achiever

All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More

Back to School Success Tips

Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we... Read More

The Legend and Charm of The Tooth Fairy

The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More

Five Tips for Successful Grandparenting

1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.All children need... Read More

School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More

The Old and the New

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Tackle, Tackle

I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 8 Things You Need to Be Doing

Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More

Are You Reading to Your Kids?

Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More

My Stomach Hurts - I Cant Go to School Today!

It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More

Are Parents Trying Too Hard?

One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More

How Do You Find the Best Car Seat to Protect Your Child

Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More

How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities

Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More

The Safest Stuffed Toys for the Kids on your Gift List

Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More