Normal and Logical Consequences

Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind at the same time. They set boundaries and work with their children to help them understand that they will follow through with appropriate action if inappropriate behavior continues. Don't think when I say firmness that I really mean strictness. Strictness deals with the child; firmness is more an extension of our resolve toward our decisions.

AN EXAMPLE OF KIND, BUT FIRM CONSEQUENCES

"Yes, you may play in the sprinkler, but you must dry off before coming in doors. If you do not dry off and you get water on the floor, you will not be allowed to play with the water for the rest of the day."

There is no better place for your child to learn values, standards, and social skills than in the home. There is no better teaching method than letting natural consequences take place. If you as an adult don't pay the phone bill, they cut off your service. If your child doesn't turn in his report, he receives a low grade. If there are no natural consequences, parents sometimes have to establish a logical one. Make sure that your children have a clear understanding of their actions and the consequences. We want them to comprehend that for every action there is a reaction, either pleasant or unpleasant. There should be no question that when your ruin your sister's sweater, you pay for a new one and, if the laundry is not done by the agreed-upon time, that they may not go with their friends.

CONSEQUENCE MUST FIT THE MISBEHAVIOR

Consequences must fit the misbehavior in order for it to be a teaching tool. It is frequently more effective to ask children what they think is a fair consequence rather than arbitrarily handing out a life sentence. It gives them a chance to examine the problem and come up with other solutions. It also helps them to assume personal responsibility for their choices and actions.

You will be amazed at the wise answers your children will give you when you ask them, "What do you think is fair?" or even, "This is a real problem. What should we do about it?" The easier road is to yell at them, ground them, or punish them, but that road doesn't teach them much or allow them to solve their own problems. It only makes the parent resentful and the child angry. The higher road takes a few more minutes, a calm voice, and a reasonable manner, but it leaves the child with his/her pride intact and tools to recognize how actions impact other people and things.

DON'T ACCEPT "I FORGOT"

Establish a rule: three reminders to do a job and you lose a privilege. Make sure that you all agree on the consequences beforehand, and then stick to them. Do not accept "I forgot". If children "forget", or just don't do their chores, it is much more effective for them to receive a visual reminder than verbal attack on their integrity by fuming parents. If your son is supposed to take out the garbage or clean the cat box and doesn't, simply place it on his bed or pillow where he can't miss seeing it. Don't get roped into a verbal confrontation. When he comes to you complaining because his room stinks, simply smile and say, "Oh that must be why the garbage needs to be taken out daily. It is your responsibility to take care of it." Then, just walk away.

Assign a "police sergeant" to pick up every night at 8:00 p.m. Any item left lying about can be held for a fine, payable to the sergeant. If you are not giving allowances, the same idea can be accomplished by giving each child a number of tokens or buttons each day or at the family council. The buttons can be used to "buy" treats and treasures from a special box. When children pay fines, it is the logical consequences for not picking up their toys and belongings.

NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES ARE THE BEST TEACHERS

Congratulations for wanting to do better for your family. Remember you don't have to be a perfect parent but you need to be a present parent. They need your presence and attention much more than presents from Toys-R-Us or Wall Mart. Ninety percent of success is just showing up every day and caring.

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what you did for a living, how many hours you stayed at the office to finish a report, how clean your house was or how many "things" you had acquired. What will matter is that because you took the time and effort to be important in the life of your child, you touched eternity and changed the world.

Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator

©2005 www.ArtichokePress.com

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com

---

ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Childs Best Friend

Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If... Read More

Promoting Your Childs Motor Development

Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More

How To Be Your Childs Sex Educator

The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More

Being A Mum - It?s About Them And Not About You!

So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More

ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy

If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More

The Thing with Quality Time

It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More

Back to School Responsibilities Again

It's that time of year when mom and dad look... Read More

How To Use Positive Child Discipline

I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More

The Science of Mother Love

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More

ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?

A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More

10 keys to Developing Your Childs Genius

Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More

Teaching Problem Solving Skills to Children with ADHD

Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More

The Mystery of Child Beliefs, Spirit in Children, Understanding Spirtuality in Children

In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More

Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin

Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More

Creating Great Birthday Party Videos

My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More

Words of Wisdom for Single Parents

The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More

Top 10 Mistakes by New and Expectant Dads

From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own... Read More

Why Modern Moms Are Going Back to the Basics ? The Evolution of the Cloth Diaper

Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More

Childrens Friendships Made Easy

Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More

Avoid Weight Problems In Children

Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More

Will My Child Ever Out-grow His Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More

Parents of Teens: Do You Ever Ask WHY is she so MEAN to me?

Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More

Ease Bug Bites with Easy Herbs

Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf... Read More

When Time Out Dont Work

Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More

Let?s Google and Yahoo Our Kids? Education

I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More

Registering a Birth in Scotland

Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More

Creating a Memorable Travel Journal Using A Stuffed Animal

You may remember The Red Couch Project, a book by... Read More

The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do

1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More

Tools to Find Family-Friendly Content

The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More

Discipline

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More

Back to School Care Packages!

I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More

Hurting from the Outside - In: The Rise of Self-harming

Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More