Is it possible to be using our children addictively?
Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction ? even our children! If your children are your whole life ? if you don't have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you.
If you don't have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don't have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection. If you don't have hobbies or work that are compelling and fulfilling to you, you might be using your children to give meaning to your life. If you don't have a daily spiritual practice that brings love and comfort to your soul, you might be using your children to fill this need.
If this is what you are doing, it is not good for your children. It is a huge burden on children to be responsible for their parent's loneliness and sense of purpose. Children who feel this responsibility often become caretakers, giving themselves up to take care of a parent. On the other hand, a child burdened with this responsibility may rebel and distance from the parent, spending less and less time at home to avoid the burden of the parent's emptiness.
I grew up as an only child with a mother who had nothing fulfilling in her life ? other than me. Her whole focus was on me, and because I couldn't possibly fill her up in the way she needed to be filled, she was often angry at me. I became a good little girl, a good caretaker of my mother, but the result was that I was a nervous and unhappy child, and wanted to be away from my house as much as possible.
Our children need to be a part of our life, not our whole life. We need to role-model for them what it looks like to take personal responsibility for filling ourselves up. We need to show them what it looks like to take responsibility for making ourselves happy, rather than rely on them for our happiness. Your children want to know that they are important to you, but not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them. You might want to explore the following questions to see if you may be using your children addictively:
If you answered "yes" to these, then you are probably not using your children addictively.
If you answered "yes" to one or more of these, then there is a good possibility that you are using your children addictively. If this is the case, the best thing you can do for you and your children is to move yourself toward a solid spiritual practice, look for meaningful ways of expressing your talents, and develop emotional connection and support from other adults.
About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
Though you can cover even very long distances by car... Read More
Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
Is your baby approaching his or her first birthday and... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
Do you have a high maintenance child?"Thank goodness my second... Read More
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More
If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More
The public school system in America has become a dismal... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More
For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart,... Read More
Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
Do you have a high maintenance child?"Thank goodness my second... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
It's that time of year when mom and dad look... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More
Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
Parenting |